He Got Away and Married Another

[LavenderLady]

I fell for someone who was like a boss to me. I am 5 years older. I was honest about my feelings of attraction. He went on and married and moved away. Even though I have dated 2 guys since then 5.5 years ago, I really wish he would contact me. I wish his marriage ended somehow.

*I adored him so incredibly much. I fantasize he loves me when I am lonely.* We don't even live in the same state or even the state we met in.

[Happy Lemming]

In life we don't always get what we want... sometimes the one we really (I mean really) wanted leaves us and goes away.

Sometimes we just don't win... 

I know this post really doesn't help, but I wanted to acknowledge that sometimes (the one) gets away.

It happens more often than you think.

"If you can't be with the one you love... love the one you're with" - Stephen Stills

[BaileyB]

I love your title - “He got away -“

It sounds like he chose a different relationship. He is allowed to do that, obviously. 

Were you ever actually in a relationship with this man?

Are you single? 

I understand that you still fantasize about what “might have been…” As was said above, these things happen. It doesn’t always - doesn’t usually - work out the way we want in life. If you are single and dreaming of a man who chose another - at what point are you going to get on with it and find your own relationship? If it’s been 5.5 years, he’s not coming back. 

Edited January 14, 2022 by BaileyB

[LavenderLady]

I have had two relationships in the 5.5 years. But both were not at all very fulfilling. I guess this fantasizing is more of a self-soothing type of behavior.

[BaileyB]

3 minutes ago, LavenderLady said:

I have had two relationships in the 5.5 years. But both were not at all very fulfilling. I guess this fantasizing is more of a self-soothing type of behavior.

Probably. 

Reality would likely pale in comparison to the fantasy you have created - 

It does no harm, really. As long as you are not living in the fantasy. You still want to be dating others and moving forward… The fantasy is likely to disappear when you meet someone with whom you really connect in a relationship. 

Edited January 14, 2022 by BaileyB

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, LavenderLady said:

 But both were not at all very fulfilling.

Then you keep looking... you may never find someone like him, but you will find someone close.

[S2B]

4 minutes ago, LavenderLady said:

I have had two relationships in the 5.5 years. But both were not at all very fulfilling. I guess this fantasizing is more of a self-soothing type of behavior.

Learn to be happy on your own. That way anyone you spend time with isn’t disappointing. 
if a guy doesn’t add beauty to your life then move forward - but pining after one you can’t have isn’t healthy for you.

[glows]

1 hour ago, LavenderLady said:

I have had two relationships in the 5.5 years. But both were not at all very fulfilling. I guess this fantasizing is more of a self-soothing type of behavior.

Did you recently end one of those relationships? 

Edit:

I just saw your recent other thread about your break up and ex still living with you. He needs to leave.

That way, you can rebuild your life and heal well.

The fantasy of your old boss is fine but it’s a sign that you do need to get a move on. Your ex has to leave so you can break out of this funk.

Edited January 14, 2022 by glows