Happy Lemming Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 (edited) 49 minutes ago, sk1977 said: I just wish we would play a game, talk, do a puzzle, dance in our living room or something instead of constantly just watching TV. We play "Scrabble" a couple times a week. We cozy up next to one another. I'll make a fire in the fireplace and we'll sit at the coffee table, set up the board and play a round of Scrabble. It's really fun!! She is a retired teacher and English was her main subject, so she knows A LOT of words (that I never knew existed). We don't get overly competitive about it and try to help each other. We'll trade letters, like if she needs an "I", I'll trade her mine for an "O" or something like that. Our goal is to use up all of the letters, not necessarily to get a higher score than the other person (but we do keep score). Do you think your boyfriend might like to play "Scrabble" with you?? Edited January 17, 2022 by Happy Lemming spelling Link to post Share on other sites
Author sk1977 Posted January 17, 2022 Author Share Posted January 17, 2022 7 minutes ago, flitzanu said: as a guy who has been in this exact situation, i was letting games consume my life and not realizing that i was pushing away the girl i lived with for two years. it took her leaving me for me to see what i'd done, and also to realize that perhaps i was using it as my own escape from reality and real life stresses that i wasn't aware of (anxiety, depression, etc). i don't know the answers to how to get him to look inward, but it could be maybe he hates his job, maybe he's clinically depressed, maybe it's a coping mechanism, maybe he thinks everything is "fine" with the relationship and doesn't see what he is doing, or, maybe he just isn't into you and games are a way to not deal with you. fyi, the conclusion of my story, i thought things were fine and this was the girl i wanted to marry, and then she left. and i've regretted it every day since. Thank you for sharing your story! I’m sorry it didn’t go well for you. did she try talking to you about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sk1977 Posted January 17, 2022 Author Share Posted January 17, 2022 8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: We play "Scrabble" a couple times a week. We cozy up next to one another. I'll make a fire in the fireplace and we'll sit at the coffee table, set up the board and play a round of Scrabble. It's really fun!! She is a retired teacher and English was her main subject, so she knows A LOT of words (that I never knew existed). We don't get overly competitive about it and try to help each other. We'll trade letters, like if she needs an "I", I'll trade her mine for an "O" or something like that. Our goal is to use up all of the letters, not necessarily to get a higher score than the other person (but we do keep score). Do you think your boyfriend might like to play "Scrabble" with you?? When we were just a couple of months into our relationship, we played Boggle, which is a word game as well. I loved it! Then I asked him to play it with me later, and he said he wasn’t in the mood….and we haven’t played it since. After being said “no” to a few times when I make these requests, I’m hesitant to ask again. Sounds like you have a great relationship with your girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 11 minutes ago, sk1977 said: After being said “no” to a few times when I make these requests, I’m hesitant to ask again. Maybe try one more time, to see if he'd like to play "boggle" with you. We have a lot of fun with word games. I'm actually really sad to hear that he prefers his solitude and video games over spending time with you. 13 minutes ago, sk1977 said: Sounds like you have a great relationship with your girl! Yes... but we are an older couple (mid to late 50's). We've been together 10 years, we just seem to fit together like two puzzle pieces. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sk1977 Posted January 17, 2022 Author Share Posted January 17, 2022 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: Maybe try one more time, to see if he'd like to play "boggle" with you. We have a lot of fun with word games. I'm actually really sad to hear that he prefers his solitude and video games over spending time with you. Yes... but we are an older couple (mid to late 50's). We've been together 10 years, we just seem to fit together like two puzzle pieces. We are both 45. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, sk1977 said: We are both 45. Now I'm really confused. I would have thought he was a much younger man (with the video games and the Oculus, etc.) At 45, he is doing all of this video gaming?? Edited January 18, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed ageist comments 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 59 minutes ago, flitzanu said: as a guy who has been in this exact situation, i was letting games consume my life and not realizing that i was pushing away the girl i lived with for two years. it took her leaving me for me to see what i'd done, and also to realize that perhaps i was using it as my own escape from reality and real life stresses that i wasn't aware of (anxiety, depression, etc). i don't know the answers to how to get him to look inward, but it could be maybe he hates his job, maybe he's clinically depressed, maybe it's a coping mechanism, maybe he thinks everything is "fine" with the relationship and doesn't see what he is doing, or, maybe he just isn't into you and games are a way to not deal with you. fyi, the conclusion of my story, i thought things were fine and this was the girl i wanted to marry, and then she left. and i've regretted it every day since. I been there. Finally coming out of that coma that situation left me in. Not a easy thing. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 23 hours ago, sk1977 said: Thank you for sharing your story! I’m sorry it didn’t go well for you. did she try talking to you about it? yes and no, it seems like it was kind of how you are reacting, like i wasn't paying attention, or i was prioritizing playing games instead of listening to her trying to get me off the computer and spending time with her, or comments about "all i do is play games" that sort of thing. honestly, i don't know if anything she could have said would have made me realize it, unless she dropped an ultimatum. of course, ultimatums are really dangerous for relationships, "but", if it is prepared and worded properly to explain that this is your final warning that if there is not an adjustment to the amount of time playing games versus caring for the relationship that you're not going to stay. that's not a suggestion, just an option...because again, ultimatums are dangerous. and you also have to be willing to go through with it. it would have to be something tangible, like, you play for 2 hours from 8pm to 10pm on this day, or some type of schedule to keep, or schedule days/times spent with you and no video games, date nights, something like that. i feel really bad for you because now i know what that is like. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 On 1/15/2022 at 10:09 AM, sk1977 said: That’s the thing..we barely do anything together. He loves to watch TV. I have never watched this much TV in my life. We barely ever talk. He is not the talkative type, but I feel like, how do you really get to know a person without asking them question and listening to what they have to say. He says he is at the stage in the relationship where he feels comfortable and maybe a bit complacent, and that’s only after being together for 2 years… There isn’t much affection and I’m a very affectionate person. He says he doesn’t need to kiss. I do though. And his behavior of walking out of the room in the middle of conversation… I just feel disrespected and that the video games are somehow more important… I was going to say the game thing is no big issue if the rest of your relationship is good. I always tell my daughters "It's better he is sitting in your house playing games than at the bar with his buddies." In his defense, if he's playing a multi-player game with other people on line, he cannot always easily hit pause. However, it looks like you have bigger problems than his gaming. You have different love languages and different expectations for affection. You barely talk. He likes a lot of TV, you don't. You really have to ask yourself whether this is a person you want to keep spending your time with on a daily basis. Do you see this relationship going any further than this? If not, you should probably cut your losses and try to find someone with whom you are more compatible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
huntfishcamp Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 Let me offer some perspective from a married man's point of view in a very similar situation... First off, I also participate regularly in online gaming as one of my main hobbies but I go about it quite differently than your boyfriend. What has helped the situation between my wife and I is simply by having the conversation and agreeing to a reasonable solution that has clear boundaries that allow for HIS time and YOUR time together. What I mean by clear boundaries, for example, is that my wife knows that I game on the same two days per week, for a set limit of time. She knows this is my "me" time and she is very happy to support it. YOU have to learn how to respect those boundaries, so interrupting him (unless it's an emergency) is not acceptable. Also, any changes to that agreement from either party is not acceptable unless it was first discussed in advance. The other days of the week I commit to my wife or my family activities... it's called balance and keeping everything in moderation. That said, I wouldn't give up yet. But you do have to work this out. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts