Eating on the Phone

[UrbanMoon]

An older member of the family is always eating on the phone. It doesn’t matter when I make the call always chomping down the phone be it breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper or sandwich, cake and a cup of tea. I’ve tried saying that I’ll let you finish your meal, I’ll call back In 30 minutes, sometimes making an excuse to end the call completely. Noises irritating down the phone. Also rude as not giving the caller full attention. Even tried giving precise time and day to call but this seems to invite excuse to eat while on phone. Any thoughts how to resolve?

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, UrbanMoon said:

Noises irritating down the phone. Also rude as not giving the caller full attention. 

Why not text? Or videocall so you can see what's going on.

Edited January 15, 2022 by Wiseman2

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

Why not calmly discuss it with the family member? I really enjoy speaking with you but prefer to find a time when we can both focus and not be eating or doing housework or driving, etc?

I am a direct person and I think it’s possible to broach the topic with kindness.

For some reason people think they can talk no matter what. I can’t count the number of times people in public restrooms are speaking while doing their business. God knows that they do at home on the phone.

[basil67]

Ask them to call you back when they've finished eating.  If they tell you that they don't mind talking while eating, tell them in a lighthearted manner "I don't want to listen to you eat"

[UrbanMoon]

Thanks basil67, already tried this approach. Problem with setting boundaries is that the other person has to listen to the other’s point of view, and agree to what is being asked. 

[UrbanMoon]

Thanks Wiseman2 for your advice. She claims her mobile phone is faulty and it is seldom switched on anyway. To FaceTime on iPad I would have to call her on landline and then it would be big drama to connect on iPad, so I don’t really want to take this approach. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, UrbanMoon said:

. Problem with setting boundaries is that the other person has to listen 

You can't tell people what to do or when to eat. What you can do is get off the phone and tell them you'll call back. When you stay on the phone getting annoyed, you encourage the behavior.

[UrbanMoon]

Thanks ClearEyes-FullHeart for your reply. I agree with your advice, however she doesn’t discuss. Communication problem end of. Conversations can typically last 2-3 hours of mindless chat, nothing constructive comes out of them, from my point of view anyway. 

[UrbanMoon]

Good point Wiseman2. I have tried saying I’ll let you finish your meal, I’ll call back in 20 minutes so would think she would get the message. Think part of it is an attention strategy. Will just have to keep taking that approach. As an aside I’m a very busy person and I get exasperated when I set time aside to talk to her and she is not “present”. Then I get annoyed, waste 3-4 hours calming down and re-focussing which is time I could be spending dealing with other matters that need attention. 

[glows]

1 hour ago, UrbanMoon said:

As an aside I’m a very busy person and I get exasperated when I set time aside to talk to her and she is not “present”. Then I get annoyed, waste 3-4 hours calming down and re-focussing which is time I could be spending dealing with other matters that need attention. 

This seems to be the real problem, not eating on the phone. You have better things to do rather than speak with this person. She/he is an annoyance to you right down to the way her/his mind works because it’s “mindless chat” and you “have other matters that need attention”. 

If you’re busy, excuse yourself and keep the conversations a minimum. Don’t pick up if you’re pressed for time or feeling stressed out due to other issues. Call that person back when you do have a few minutes.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, UrbanMoon said:

I’m a very busy person and I get exasperated when I set time aside to talk to her and she is not “present”.  Conversations can typically last 2-3 hours of mindless chat.

Why not cut back on 3 hour chats?  No one should have to be on the phone that long. It's exhausting.

Write letters, send emails or something. But when you call, if you hear eating, other distractions, just get off the phone. 

There's no reason to chitchat for 4 hours. Anyone would need to eat, use the bathroom, whatever in that time. 

The calls are simply way too long. 

[UrbanMoon]

Thanks Glows and Wiseman2 for your replies. She is guilt tripping as she has recently been unwell, milking the situation. I’m in the position, as are many people, that I’m having to put in extra effort to keep my job due to the covid, furlough, getting back to normal etc. Need to pay mortgage, bills etc so need to keep this job, and they are paying for training courses and exams and want to see results which is extra pressure. I’m going to move her to a weekly slot one evening in the week, no more than an hour, and if she’s eating then I will hang up and call back in 20 minutes. Sounds mean rationing time but that’s how it’s got to be.

[glows]

14 minutes ago, UrbanMoon said:

Thanks Glows and Wiseman2 for your replies. She is guilt tripping as she has recently been unwell, milking the situation. I’m in the position, as are many people, that I’m having to put in extra effort to keep my job due to the covid, furlough, getting back to normal etc. Need to pay mortgage, bills etc so need to keep this job, and they are paying for training courses and exams and want to see results which is extra pressure. I’m going to move her to a weekly slot one evening in the week, no more than an hour, and if she’s eating then I will hang up and call back in 20 minutes. Sounds mean rationing time but that’s how it’s got to be.

Try to balance that pressure with play too. Do you see or chat with friends? Make time for dessert with a friend or grab a burrito, take time out to laugh and release that tension. A 20 minute brisk walk or run works too. 

Are you also in touch with anyone who has passed the exams and training? They may offer tips or suggestions. Mentorship goes a long way in feeling supported and confident while you work on your career. Try to see if there are coworkers or colleagues who have been down the same road and see what it takes to get to that level of experience and knowledge. You may feel inspired too and automatically adjust your schedule to let these good things in. 

It doesn’t mean this person is any less important to you and she or he will have a place in your life but what that person says or does or how they eat might matter less and less over time while you refocus.

[UrbanMoon]

Thanks Glows for your reasoning. I go for a brisk walk first thing in the morning, am out for about an hour. Then tend to work/study 9am to 9pm from home, not healthy, non stop. Exhausted and no energy for personal phone calls. Failed one exam, had asked the training provider for guidance on the course work that had to be submitted after scraping through the written exam, and it wasn’t forthcoming. When I failed I cried, felt stupid, then picked up the phone and demanded feedback, paid the retake fee and rewrote the coursework, now waiting for result. The next set of exams I asked my line manager to read the assignments before I submitted them and he gave me feedback, now it’s a waiting game, really hope I’ve passed because I put my heart and soul into it. Now working on presentation prep due this week and 6,000 word summary of experience due by end of next week. On Saturday I had been to the hairdresser and was actually feeling good until the wolfing food down the phone scenario. 

[glows]

12 minutes ago, UrbanMoon said:

Thanks Glows for your reasoning. I go for a brisk walk first thing in the morning, am out for about an hour. Then tend to work/study 9am to 9pm from home, not healthy, non stop. Exhausted and no energy for personal phone calls. Failed one exam, had asked the training provider for guidance on the course work that had to be submitted after scraping through the written exam, and it wasn’t forthcoming. When I failed I cried, felt stupid, then picked up the phone and demanded feedback, paid the retake fee and rewrote the coursework, now waiting for result. The next set of exams I asked my line manager to read the assignments before I submitted them and he gave me feedback, now it’s a waiting game, really hope I’ve passed because I put my heart and soul into it. Now working on presentation prep due this week and 6,000 word summary of experience due by end of next week. On Saturday I had been to the hairdresser and was actually feeling good until the wolfing food down the phone scenario. 

Lol but only because I empathize and have a beloved person in my life that does this also (loud eating sounds). I have a difficult time focusing on my meal when we’re eating together but am used to it now. I take it as an endearing trait, not something I wish to change as she brings so many good qualities to our friendship.

You seem very busy so keep focussed and take breaks. Organizing your time is important when there’s that much that needs to be done. I hope you pass this time around but even so don’t give up.

Good for you going to the hairdresser. Are you happy with the look? I haven’t been in ages. I think I’m starting to look like Cousin It in the Adams Family.

[Alpacalia]

Oh no, that's annoying.

My one friend sometimes like to suck on candy when I talk to her.

I am tempted to rip out my eardrums due to the sound.

Kindly let her know that she's disgusting and that she's a filthy pig that should be eating out of a trough. (kidding)

Edited January 16, 2022 by Alpaca

[UrbanMoon]

Hi glows. Happy with the hairdresser, lockdown hair had grown long and straggly, needed tidying up. 

[dramafreezone]

On 1/15/2022 at 11:41 AM, UrbanMoon said:

An older member of the family is always eating on the phone. It doesn’t matter when I make the call always chomping down the phone be it breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper or sandwich, cake and a cup of tea. I’ve tried saying that I’ll let you finish your meal, I’ll call back In 30 minutes, sometimes making an excuse to end the call completely. Noises irritating down the phone. Also rude as not giving the caller full attention. Even tried giving precise time and day to call but this seems to invite excuse to eat while on phone. Any thoughts how to resolve?

Why not be more direct?  "I hate that you eat on the phone, please stop it."

People that do that should be arrested by the way.