Responsible or not

[Ollamide]

I have heard many people talk and complains about trust in many relationships and most of which arises as a result of suspicion and past experience. 
I want to believe our experience  should be a guide and measure at which we can protect our self. As such understanding that something can be avoided and some cant be avoided,  some needs can be met while some you can just dream about it. 
Issues making topics in many relationships is mostly centred around trust, responsibilty and love.
I am of the opinion that since human wants are insatiable, some factors relating to human being can never be met. 
Let's not lies to ourself and stop wearing fake and silly smiles pretending to be comfortable and happy while we are not. 
Why should being married take away all the fun and good life experiences from me. 
Why can't I go clubbing while am married, why can't I keep opposite sex friends even when am married.
Why should it all be centred on me than we are family.
Why must I consider your wants over mine and you never thought bout what I wants or feels. 
I don't believe in marriage.
If it works for you,  just be honest, speak out about it. 
 

[poppyfields]

29 minutes ago, Ollamide said:

Let's not lies to ourself and stop wearing fake and silly smiles pretending to be comfortable and happy while we are not. 
Why should being married take away all the fun and good life experiences from me. 
Why can't I go clubbing while am married, why can't I keep opposite sex friends even when am married.
Why should it all be centred on me than we are family.
Why must I consider your wants over mine and you never thought bout what I wants or feels. 
I don't believe in marriage.
If it works for you,  just be honest, speak out about

I agree with you and have questioned these same things myself at various times. 

I have concluded that it's NOT commitment or marriage that's at issue but rather the person you choose to be committed or married to. 

I believe commitment/marriage should be defined however a couple wishes to define for themselves.

For example, my dad and step mom took separate vacations occasionally and they were madly in love!  Another couple might think that unheard of and negatively judge but who cares?   My dad and step mom did what worked for them, individually and as a couple. 

Using your example,  I see no reason why, as a married man, you should not go to a club on occasion as long as your wife is in agreement.  Or maintain opposite sex friendships.  There is no wrong or right, again it's whatever works for that particular couple. 

Trust is at the core of any good relationship/marriage and sadly I think it's missing in many.  As such, people place restrictions on each other to combat this lack of trust and to manage their own insecurities.. This only exacerbates an already unhealthy dynamic imo.

The best relationships are when both people are whole and complete before committing.

When both people are whole and complete there are less restrictions, and more openness and love for both their partner and themselves. 

 

[chillii]

Why do you want other people to speak out whatever their views , you have yours and if they work for you and yours then that's all that matters. Who cares about anyone else's.

[Ollamide]

Dear Chilli,  

I quite understand how you feel bout the topic and your response. I will want to say here and right now that, A lot of people  cares, the problem is just that it cannot reach everyone, the more you can listen to the news or read in the Daily's bout a tragic incident and feel something for the affected victims, it's a sign you cares, but you are not there to caution or guide them. 

This platform is one network for all to connect and share opinion on a common goal. 

[basil67]

 

9 hours ago, Ollamide said:

I am of the opinion that since human wants are insatiable, some factors relating to human being can never be met. 
 

I agree that one who has insatiable wants is not a good contender for marriage.  I am also of the opinion that insatiable wants are a sign that one's maturity has not progressed further than that of a 4yo child.  

When we raise kids, parenting should include role modelling the concept of appreciation.   We do not need a giant house to keep the rain off our heads.  We do not need a fancy car when our existing one is perfectly functional and comfortable.  We do not need a whole new wardrobe of clothes ever year.   And regarding marriage, we do not need a series of lovers when we have one who cherishes us and we cherish them in return. Instead, we practice being grateful for being warm, dry, able to get around and having the love of someone who we love in return.  Is it always easy?  No it's not.  But a life where a person is never satisfied would not be easy either. 

Of course, if being insatiable works for you, then that's fine.   

Edited January 17, 2022 by basil67

[chillii]

1 hour ago, Ollamide said:

Dear Chilli,  

I quite understand how you feel bout the topic and your response. I will want to say here and right now that, A lot of people  cares, the problem is just that it cannot reach everyone, the more you can listen to the news or read in the Daily's bout a tragic incident and feel something for the affected victims, it's a sign you cares, but you are not there to caution or guide them. 

This platform is one network for all to connect and share opinion on a common goal. 

l'm only talking about views though , not not caring about humanity of course we all should care about that. Views and lifestyle though whatever it may be is your business and no one else's .

The me me me yeah is very much alive and well in some worlds today and growing but l've also seen most of those mentalities beating their head against the wall in the end and wondering where they're going wrong, some realize why and where, some don't.

Basically l agree with Basil 200%

Edited January 17, 2022 by chillii

[Ollamide]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

 

I agree that one who has insatiable wants is not a good contender for marriage.  I am also of the opinion that insatiable wants are a sign that one's maturity has not progressed further than that of a 4yo child.  

When we raise kids, parenting should include role modelling the concept of appreciation.   We do not need a giant house to keep the rain off our heads.  We do not need a fancy car when our existing one is perfectly functional and comfortable.  We do not need a whole new wardrobe of clothes ever year.   And regarding marriage, we do not need a series of lovers when we have one who cherishes us and we cherish them in return. Instead, we practice being grateful for being warm, dry, able to get around and having the love of someone who we love in return.  Is it always easy?  No it's not.  But a life where a person is never satisfied would not be easy either. 

Of course, if being insatiable works for you, then that's fine.   

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice.

This are instances to c thru people's minds and opinion, so many people facing much more critical domestic crisis, afraid to speak so they don't get to be criticized or judged. 

When they open a topic to discuss and suggesting how best to manage the situation, you really can't tell who is reading and who is learning from it. Being practical and positive on issues may save someone somewhere.

I have come in peace to see through in honesty. 

[S2B]

3 hours ago, Ollamide said:

Dear Chilli,  

I quite understand how you feel bout the topic and your response. I will want to say here and right now that, A lot of people  cares, the problem is just that it cannot reach everyone, the more you can listen to the news or read in the Daily's bout a tragic incident and feel something for the affected victims, it's a sign you cares, but you are not there to caution or guide them. 

This platform is one network for all to connect and share opinion on a common goal. 

No, it’s not a goal. It’s a forum for opinions and experiences… which are vast. No one says it’s a common goal.

your opinions are yours. If you prefer not to marry then don’t marry.

[Els]

Who exactly says you can't have opposite sex friends when you're married? I must have missed the memo...

[central]

Even my ex-wife didn't mind if I went to clubs with friends, and had opposite sex friends.  You need to establish mutual trust and understanding, and negotiate what is acceptable in the relationships you have or want to have.  I still have opposite sex friends, and we have a somewhat open relationship, so you can certainly go outside traditional relationship values and do so honestly and successfully.

[basil67]

On 1/17/2022 at 6:26 PM, Ollamide said:

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice.

This are instances to c thru people's minds and opinion, so many people facing much more critical domestic crisis, afraid to speak so they don't get to be criticized or judged. 

When they open a topic to discuss and suggesting how best to manage the situation, you really can't tell who is reading and who is learning from it. Being practical and positive on issues may save someone somewhere.

I have come in peace to see through in honesty. 

Actually, you've phrased your opening post with a heap of questions peppered with assumption.   This will bring feedback which both agrees and disagrees with you.

To go back over over your first post,

1. it's untrue that humans wants are insatiable.  Rather the wants of SOME humans are insatiable.  

2. a good marriage will not take away all the fun and good experiences from a person

3. You can go clubbing and have opposite sex friends if you and your partner are agreed on such matters  

4. (your statement doesn't make sense, so I ignored it)

5. In marriage, your own wants and needs should never be ignored or forgotten.

I don't care one way or another if you want to marry or continue in a hedonistic life.  But when you ask questions about why you have to give up certain things, I will give you honest feedback.   And the answers are that in the right marriage, none of your concerns will be a problem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[emilyn]

See, all people are different, and all have a different experiences in their marriage life. So may you be the one who can understand how you feel. 
If you care about society, you will not be happy. Whatever you do in your marriage life could depend on mutual understanding. This is what my partner and I do.