HopelessNick Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 (edited) I've been feeling lonely for a few years, but that's my fault because I hardly go out. I'm really shy, quiet and am bad at conversations because I'm not used to having them. Never had a girlfriend, let alone a female friend. I'm sad a lot and don't have the energy to look after myself nor care (for example no hygiene). In November last year, I decided to start to change. I've always had Tiktok and I've been streaming live heaps. (My plan was to do this for a couple of months just to start socialising). I made a couple of really good friends on there including this one girl I added on Facebook, but she lives in a different state. She has absolutely no idea of my struggles. She's got a boyfriend for a few years and he knows she talks to me a lot. I video call her most nights and have plenty of laughs. She has opened up to me before (rarely) including one time where she ranted about her boyfriend and how he verbally abuses her sometimes over little things like buying the wrong thing from the supermarket. (I have heard him yell sometimes in the background during our calls, but he's too far away from the mic for me to hear what he's saying.) Three nights ago, I was playing a snapchat game with her with mic on and heard her boyfriend verbally abusing her again. The next day she told me she broke up with him. Since then, she hardly answers my calls. The couple of times I spoke to her, I asked her how she was and she said good. Found out from her best friend that she reached out to her for help that night and police were called. He was holding a knife, threw a brick through the wall, and even tried to run her car down with his car. She tried to fight him, but was pulled away. Police couldn't do anything because he never laid a hand on her and it was on his property. They got in trouble for being a disturbance. Also found out he was jealous of me cause she's always talking to me when he gets home from work. (first time anyone's been jealous of me haha, so maybe that's a compliment to me). ALSO, I'm told they're gonna get back together. She feels bad for him because he has problems and she thinks she can help him fix it. Everyone knows he'll continue, but she gets angry at anyone who disagrees with her. I'm scared it'll get physical next time. I feel helpless, especially as she's not talking to me much, but then again, I still need to be focusing on myself? If none of the drama happened, I would be up to the next step of improving myself which is setting up a decent bed time and wake up time and sticking to it for a few weeks before moving on to brushing my teeth twice a day. I feel like I should stop talking to her and focus on me? I know she has plenty of support and won't need me. I did tell her friend I thought about cutting conversation with her, but she said I've got to be careful as she would be really upset if I did (although I'm not sure she'd care). Hardest thing is I think I'm in love with her even though I've never met her in person? I'm sure I care about her and don't want to drift apart. Anyway, should I just let her be and leave her with her support network and just focus on me (I don't want to as the way she's been treated is breaking me), or should I keep talking to her? I wish I could do both, but I'm not in the right state to do so. I can't stop thinking of her so unless I pull myself away from the situation, I won't be able to focus on me. She has absolutely no idea that I struggle. What would you do in my position? Thanks Edited January 17, 2022 by HopelessNick Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: She's got a boyfriend for a few years and he knows she talks to me a lot. Stay out of their mess. Why is she wasting time on this when she has a BF? More importantly why are you wasting time on this when she has a BF? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted January 17, 2022 Author Share Posted January 17, 2022 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Stay out of their mess. Why is she wasting time on this when she has a BF? More importantly why are you wasting time on this when she has a BF? I was only trying to make friends in the first place. I had no ulterior motive. I didn't know I would catch feelings haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 8 minutes ago, HopelessNick said: I didn't know I would catch feelings haha. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Cut down on your tiktok viewing. If you want dates, get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women for a low-key coffee ☕. Put your phone away once in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 10 hours ago, HopelessNick said: Also found out he was jealous of me cause she's always talking to me when he gets home from work. (first time anyone's been jealous of me haha, so maybe that's a compliment to me). It's not a compliment. She is not a compliment. Her boyfriend is not a compliment and none of this is a compliment. Do take care of yourself. Hop off the chatting platform and focus on proper hygiene and your health. Eat well, exercise, find local groups to join and meet new people. That is how you make friends, not like this. You have good intentions but they're leading you down the tube. If you're bored or looking for entertainment, try reading, watching movies, asking a friend to go for a walk or learn a new language. There are a lot of things to do to keep yourself occupied. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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