Witch space Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 I'm with a man who I'm totally in love with. He says he loves me too and shows it all the time. We've been together almost 2 years and he says that he's on the point of either asking me to marry him or to split up- big difference!! He says he loves me, I'm the best partner he's ever had. His daughter adores me and I love her. His worry is that we have a lot of differences and he wonders if he was with someone more like him it might be easier. He's a business person and in tech and I'm an academic scientist. I think that we work because where one of us is weaker, the other is stronger. He's my best friend. He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about. He was married before and doesn't want to make a mistake again. I want it to work and genuinely believe we are great together. What do I do? Carry on and wait? Try to convince him? Tell him to get lost? I don't know. We talked about a break but I told him I wouldn't be sitting waiting on him once he was done screwing around. It made me rage a bit! Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 There's a lot there that would make me feel like I had been slapped, if I were you. Talking about the possibility of splitting up, that it might be "easier" with someone else, he would like to "play about". I understand you really love him and have two years invested in this relationship, but I think you should step back and really think about everything he's said. I certainly would not be thinking about marriage to him any time soon. He doesn't want to make a mistake again - be sure that YOU do not make a mistake. Really think about all of this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 36 minutes ago, Witch space said: He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby, he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about. Tell him to get lost? It made me rage a bit! Yes, tell him to get lost. So basically he's saying "you were ok when I was fat but now I want to play the field"? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 33 minutes ago, Witch space said: He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about. That in itself would be enough for me to want to kick him to the curb. When you love someone, they should be enough for you. He shouldn't be daydreaming about other women chasing after him just because he has a six-pack, now. Have a heart to heart with him. Tell him how hurt you are that he has indicated you are not "enough" for him and now he wants to go "play" with other women just for the heck of it. If he doesn't see the err in his ways, maybe he is not worthy of you. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 1 hour ago, Witch space said: I'm with a man who I'm totally in love with. He says he loves me too and shows it all the time. We've been together almost 2 years and he says that he's on the point of either asking me to marry him or to split up- big difference!! He says he loves me, I'm the best partner he's ever had. His daughter adores me and I love her. His worry is that we have a lot of differences and he wonders if he was with someone more like him it might be easier. He's a business person and in tech and I'm an academic scientist. I think that we work because where one of us is weaker, the other is stronger. He's my best friend. He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about. He was married before and doesn't want to make a mistake again. I want it to work and genuinely believe we are great together. What do I do? Carry on and wait? Try to convince him? Tell him to get lost? I don't know. We talked about a break but I told him I wouldn't be sitting waiting on him once he was done screwing around. It made me rage a bit! He’s rediscovering his health and body. If he goes so far as to say the above I think he’s making this very easy for you. The above comments from him are a clear path out. He’s expecting you to end it with these passive aggressive comments. Not only is he not strong enough to end it cleanly, he’s creating doubt and confusion in the relationship. I’m sorry you’ve invested two years. What do you mean one of you is weaker and one of you is stronger? Try to be with someone who treats you as an equal or with more consideration. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Witch space Posted January 18, 2022 Author Share Posted January 18, 2022 23 minutes ago, glows said: He’s rediscovering his health and body. If he goes so far as to say the above I think he’s making this very easy for you. The above comments from him are a clear path out. He’s expecting you to end it with these passive aggressive comments. Not only is he not strong enough to end it cleanly, he’s creating doubt and confusion in the relationship. I’m sorry you’ve invested two years. What do you mean one of you is weaker and one of you is stronger? Try to be with someone who treats you as an equal or with more consideration. Like one of us is really good with people and the other isn't. Or one of us is good at multitasking the other isn't. We are equal. We just have different skills that seem to compliment each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 I don't think I could stick around while my partner decided to play the field with his new body. He's thinking there is someone else he's more compatible with out there. I would move on with my life if I were you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 19, 2022 Share Posted January 19, 2022 14 hours ago, Witch space said: Like one of us is really good with people and the other isn't. Or one of us is good at multitasking the other isn't. We are equal. We just have different skills that seem to compliment each other. Sadly, this is beside the point. He is telling you straight up he wants to see others and doesn't believe in marriage. The worst part is the slap in the face saying you were fine when he was chubby and couldn't get anyone else, but now he's too hot for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 19, 2022 Share Posted January 19, 2022 17 hours ago, Witch space said: He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about. Ouch. I would be done. He's already hoping to find someone else who isn't you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 19, 2022 Share Posted January 19, 2022 He was married before, he grabbed onto you when he was in a bad place, no doubt depressed, poor self esteem, eating too much. You "saved" him. He got back his sense of self esteem. worked out, dieted and now he has outgrown you. He sees himself as a better prospect and now needs an equivalent woman. You are no longer good enough, he wants a woman who is more in his league, looks wise. Like many saviours, you are seen as surplus to requirements as soon as the hurt and damaged person starts feeling better. He no longer needs you. The world is now his oyster and you don't fit in. Yes you could perhaps stick around, but he will resent you and may even cheat on you, in his quest for "better". As soon as he finds her he will dump you. Best to take the hint now and disappear, as this will not end well if you try "to make it work". No-one who wants to make it work would have told you any of that to hurt you. He wants you to pull the plug. so just do it, there is nothing for you here. Link to post Share on other sites
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