Losing friends in a breakup

[shelters]

So the inevitable is happening. My ex and I have a mutual best friend. Actually, we were all good friends before my ex and I started dating. My ex and I have been broken up for 5 months now. I’m no longer a crying mess, but I’m nowhere near over the break up either.

Anyway, I just found out that our mutual best friend is going to be hanging out with my ex and her new partner (who she cheated on me with). Our mutual friend has every right to hang out with them, and none of me thinks our mutual best friend should choose one of us. I’m just dealing internally with insecure thoughts like:

“Our mutual best friend is going to have more fun with my ex and her new partner than with me because my ex has always been the “fun” one and I’m the introverted one—and right now, I’m the depressed one.”

and

“They are all having fun without me and I’m home alone, left out.”

I don’t have many friends to begin with, so that makes it more difficult. I’m not ready to date. I’ve tried online apps, and as soon as someone wants to meet up in person, I back out. I’m just not ready. So the advice of “get out and meet new people” doesn’t work right now.

Any words of advice as to how I can be more kind to myself in how I’m internally handling this? 

 

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

Sorry for the situation….been there! My advice is to dial up the self care and just focus on a healthy lifestyle (workout, try a new sport, try that new fitness app, meet friends for a hike or go solo, etc.), immerse yourself in hobbies and if you don’t have one, seek one out, and explore many.

After my marriage imploded (he cheated on me), I discovered painting and it’s my passion. I know it sounds corny but I’ve never had a creative hobby that I have been so into. I am constantly learning and each time I paint I feel like I am taking a journey (kind of like when reading).

Eat healthy food, maybe learn to cook the dishes you always wanted to etc. etc.

Also do try to reconnect with old friend and make new ones. I know it’s hard and maybe if you are not ready to date you are still ready to hangout with your buddies.

I also have my dog who is a great friend and side kick. He’s 13.5 and recently our relationship surpassed the one with my H, a milestone that made me smile. Take pleasure in the little milestones and progress as you heal, and turn off the voices in your head (speculating your mutual friend is thinking XYZ…so not true and who cares, live your best life).

Hope this helps even a little and good luck.

[glows]

Like ClearEyes, I also delved into hobbies, interests and what matters most to me. The initial part is difficult. Try new things too, not just hobbies that you may have known in the past.

I think slowly distancing yourself from this mutual friend is healthy. Make new friends. Not FWB or dating if you're not ready or that's not your cup of tea.

Having a purpose or finding what inspires you to get up each day and live is important. It might be your kids, work, family, volunteering or knowing that you are going to meet friends later in the day or in the week. The more you start creating a rhythm that makes sense to you and gives your life purpose, the easier this becomes. It's not an overnight thing.