Confused48 Posted January 21, 2022 Share Posted January 21, 2022 (edited) Eleven years after the start of the affair, nine years after Dday, I get this in a text from my cheater about some casual friends of ours: They don’t know I’m a Scarlet A first class cheater… It is not the first sign of remorse or regret or shame but one of the very few that did not immediately follow with some lame blame shifting excuse. It makes me feel good that WS feels some serious shame. For the first few years there was zero evidence of shame. Edited January 22, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused48 Posted January 22, 2022 Author Share Posted January 22, 2022 (edited) It was about two days before I posted here that got that text. Now another day has passed and I can't stop thinking about it. I swore I'd not tell my WS how it made me feel. Then I did today. I told the WS. WS got tearful and told me how much it meant to have me have good feelings for WS. WS knows I'm still not over it and that I want to eventually end this relationship. Maybe this feeling will pass in a few days. I've felt this way before and then changed my mind but right now, I feel like the affair isn't so important anymore. That WS really does value me, now, in this moment. So the fact that WS so disrespected to me before, it still hurts but that was a very long time ago. Maybe I can let go of the hate and the pain. Maybe I can enjoy being with the WS in the present moment. Maybe I can feel safe, knowing that WS see's the affair as a very shameful thing. Something to never get close to doing again because it is so shameful. Edited January 22, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted January 23, 2022 Share Posted January 23, 2022 What is WS? Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 23, 2022 Share Posted January 23, 2022 (edited) WS=wayward spouse. 9 hours ago, Confused48 said: Maybe this feeling will pass in a few days. I've felt this way before and then changed my mind but right now, I feel like the affair isn't so important anymore. That WS really does value me, now, in this moment. So the fact that WS so disrespected to me before, it still hurts but that was a very long time ago. Maybe I can let go of the hate and the pain. Maybe I can enjoy being with the WS in the present moment. Maybe I can feel safe, knowing that WS see's the affair as a very shameful thing. Something to never get close to doing again because it is so shameful. I hope you are better at letting go of the pain that I am/was. I still have to be careful not to dwell on what I went through and I left, then divorced, my WS 8 years ago. I hope one day you do feel safe. Do not let down your guard. Even though I stayed with my husband for 18 years after DDay, I just recently found out he was wandering again at the end of the marriage and I had no idea (I knew she was after him, but I did not know he reciprocated.) I wish I could offer you words of comfort, unfortunately, I am still a bit jaded. Just make sure you are doing everything you can to take care of yourself. I hope you have a therapist and are able to explore your feelings about these things. Edited January 23, 2022 by vla1120 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted February 5, 2022 Share Posted February 5, 2022 On 1/21/2022 at 1:43 PM, Confused48 said: They don’t know I’m a Scarlet A first class cheater… Are you sure that it´s not a sarcasm? Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted February 5, 2022 Share Posted February 5, 2022 2 hours ago, Uruktopi said: They don’t know I’m a Scarlet A first class cheater… I don’t necessarily read this as remorse either. I am also a BS, so I know the experience you’ve been through. This sentence a.most reads the opposite to me. I wish you well in your recovery and healing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 21 hours ago, ClearEyes-FullHeart said: I don’t necessarily read this as remorse either. I am also a BS, so I know the experience you’ve been through. This sentence a.most reads the opposite to me. I wish you well in your recovery and healing. It seems that something happened with the quoting resource. You are answering to Confused48 (as I did myself) but it appears as if you were quoting me, probably with no intention to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 Sorry about that! I may have goofed up as I did intent to quote the OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused48 Posted February 6, 2022 Author Share Posted February 6, 2022 On 2/4/2022 at 8:25 PM, Uruktopi said: Are you sure that it´s not a sarcasm? Well it was said in the context of not wanting these people to find out. So not sarcasm but possibly impression management. Which means at least some shame. Some admission of having committed a bad act. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 19 minutes ago, Confused48 said: Well it was said in the context of not wanting these people to find out. So not sarcasm but possibly impression management. Which means at least some shame. Some admission of having committed a bad act. You know better, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 19 hours ago, ClearEyes-FullHeart said: Sorry about that! I may have goofed up as I did intent to quote the OP. No personal problem at all. Just pointing at it for the sake of other´s understanding, just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
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