Should we just move in

[Trish2951]

Hi

so me and my best friend from school Jake ended up dating… after being best friends for 15 years or more- and it’s just been the best for both of us. When we got together I was living near our home town and he was in Glasgow. For more than just reasons for info with me he moved back to his grandparents.

 

we started going out in august and since about mid November we’ve spent every night together increasingly at mine. I live on my own. He starts work in feb and it seems daft we’re hoping and changing once every two weeks for 2 nights at his grandparents. We obviously do and always have got on. We’ve never had a fight or anything- would it just made sense if we just said let’s move in? He is starting work in feb and I’m 99% sure he’s not said anything about moving in cause he thinks it would be taking the piss not being in work but equally it seems stupid the situation we are in. Or am I rushing things? 
 

thanks 

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Trish2951 said:

Or am I rushing things? 

Yes you are in a rush. This is simply for convenience, not really a step toward anything.

Wait until he is employed and independent.

Definitely draw up a lease outlining expectations and costs involved.

Do not let him camp out for free. It sets a horrible precedence and bad habits that are hard to break if you decide yo ask him to move in.

[glows]

Hold off for awhile. You have the best of both worlds, dating and still having your place to yourself. 

Take your time knowing one another. I wouldn't approach the subject of living together for at least another year or two or when he shows he's able to support himself or has any desire to grow or ambitions/goals of his own. In the meantime work on yours.

If you're very young or it's your first time living with a bf/gf, it might seem exciting and tempting. Date awhile longer and spend more time cultivating your other interests. He seems to be over quite a lot. Are you also spending time with friends or going out and enjoying life outside of having him over every night? I'm trying to get an idea of how you both spend your time together and balance other friendships or existing commitments.

 

[Trish2951]

Haha no not the first time we’ve been with anyone we’re both 30 but yeah perhaps a gap would be good it’s been 6 months ish so maybe rushing 

[glows]

Just now, Trish2951 said:

Haha no not the first time we’ve been with anyone we’re both 30 but yeah perhaps a gap would be good it’s been 6 months ish so maybe rushing 

I said living with someone not being with someone. Yes, take your time.

[Trish2951]

Sorry my mistake thanks x

[Trish2951]

21 minutes ago, glows said:

Hold off for awhile. You have the best of both worlds, dating and still having your place to yourself. 

Take your time knowing one another. I wouldn't approach the subject of living together for at least another year or two or when he shows he's able to support himself or has any desire to grow or ambitions/goals of his own. In the meantime work on yours.

If you're very young or it's your first time living with a bf/gf, it might seem exciting and tempting. Date awhile longer and spend more time cultivating your other interests. He seems to be over quite a lot. Are you also spending time with friends or going out and enjoying life outside of having him over every night? I'm trying to get an idea of how you both spend your time together and balance other friendships or existing commitments.

 

Sorry I realised you asked me questions. Yeah yeah doing plenty with Mates and doing our own things. TBH I do my thing, he does his. It's just nice having him when I or he gets back. You know like I say we’ve been bffs since school but just a bit more now.

Do you know the list refreshing thing is “that’s fine gorgeous you do x I’ll do y see you when you get back- do you want x for dinner or something else” and never an ass about seeing or doing separate. He does seem to also like the night thing. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 25, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[glows]

27 minutes ago, Trish2951 said:

Sorry I realised you asked me questions. Yeah yeah doing plenty with Mates and doing our own things. TBH I do my thing, he does his. It's just nice having him when I or he gets back. You know like I say we’ve been bffs since school but just a bit more now.

Do you know the list refreshing thing is “that’s fine gorgeous you do x I’ll do y see you when you get back- do you want x for dinner or something else” and never an ass about seeing or doing separate. He does seem to also like the night thing. 

 

Ok things are going well. See how it goes. February isn't far off but he'll also need some time to adjust to work schedule and a new routine. All you can do is be supportive as a partner and enjoy your time together. Good of both of you to spend time with your friends too.

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Trish2951 said:

 we’re both 30 but yeah perhaps a gap would be good it’s been 6 months ish so maybe rushing 

Wait until you are dating at least a year and the relationship is more stabilized. Also wait until he has income producing steady work for a while.

Why is he this old and unemployed living off his family? That's a red flag to observe, not try to fix by letting him stay with you.

[ASG]

[ redacted] 

As regards to the OP, let the dust settle before mentioning moving in. He's only just going to start a new job, let him get used to the new routine, get some money under his belt. 

Then, maybe in the summer revisit things. I don't think you need to wait any specific amount of time before moving in, but since this new job is going to be a decent change in your lives, I'd give it some time for adjustments. 

Edited January 28, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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