She got mental problems but I miss her

[Luke_]

Hi my name is Luke, I don´t know if someone cares about it, but i feel in need to tell my story to someone, so, here it is...

Well, it all started like a year ago, i always knew my gf was a jealous person and she always used to act not in a normal way when she got jealous about something/someone.

She made block some people and acted in a non-normal way with a lot of things, like for example, she didn´t want me to have friends(i mean other girls), but anyways, that kinda things that makes you think, "is she toxic, or i am the one whos making bad things?" Well, i used to handle that situations and deal with her by a way or another, but there was one day... She found out that i was still in a Whattsapp group of friends from the primary school which there was a girl that i kissed when i had like 12 years old, but now we where nothing, we barely talked, but my gf went crazy, she made a fuss and i didnt even recognize her at the time.

Time passed, we managed the situtation, but idk why, she was still mad at me, and jealous and angry and idk how to explain it but she insulted me a lot... well, she had a lot of problems, she used to cut herself and well... one day she went too far, she tried to kill herself. That was the moment when we found her covered in blood, we take her to emergency, and certainly i cant even explain what it was to be there, i swear for god it was horrible, i felt so bad in that moment i couldnt even breath... After that she was taken to a mental hospital and god... i visited and called her everyday to know how was she but the pain i was in... i cant describe it, i suffered in a way ive never imagined i could suffer. We found out after that that she has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

She is mentally ill, and you cant cure that illnes, you can just treat it, its heartbreaking for me, someone i really love, someone i considered the real love of my life... i mean i was not prepaired for all that, and she was so medicated, so irrational... she couldnt even walk sometimes, i took care of her, i helped her changing clothes, going to the bathroom, everything, i mean i did it cause i love her, im not complaining. However, it was not going to be the only time she will try to kill herself, she tried 4 times. We broke up after the second time, but she always talked to me when she was about to do it again, last time i thought she will certainly die... didnt cut herself that time, she took sixteen motherf***ing pills, it was horrible but she made it, she survived.

Well, a lot of other things happened between us but if i tell everything i feel bad for in this forum it wont never finish.

Time passed, we dont talk anymore or just rarely talk now, but the thing about all that is that i miss her so much... I need her in my life again and i know she still loves me, but i dont want to passed through all the things i wrote in this forum again, im so scared, her illness is the guilty for everything... Everyday my chest burns and i cant handle it anymore! I know im going through a depression again, also i got anxiety, i take anti-depressants and xanax everyday, but idk

I feel in need of her and i feel in need of someone who cares about me i think, just please, i need help, what should i do? How im suppoused to get over this...

Thanks to the ones who red this, it means a lot to me.

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, Luke_ said:

I know im going through a depression again, also i got anxiety, i take anti-depressants and xanax everyday, but idk

And are you also seeking counselling?

Kindly, you would benefit greatly from it to not only help with your current feelings but also your attraction to dysfunction and chaos. I say that as someone with an ex-boyfriend who also suffers from BPD. The highs are great but the lows are terrible, and the roller coaster is unsustainable. 

You don't need this person in your life. You want her, but you don't need her. Please, look after yourself now. This relationship was always going to crash and burn and she unfortunately has problems that are way above your capability in dealing with. It needed to end, but you must focus on yourself now and work on developing a healthier sense of boundaries, attachment and love. 

 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Luke_ said:

  that she was taken to a mental hospital 

 she was so medicated, so irrational..it was not going to be the only time she will try to kill herself, she tried 4 times. 

Sorry this happened. You need to let go. She is not ready willing or able to have a relationship at this time.

Delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps. 

She needs psychiatric care and this is over your head. Relationships are too complex for her right now.

[Luke_]

12 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And are you also seeking counselling?

Kindly, you would benefit greatly from it to not only help with your current feelings but also your attraction to dysfunction and chaos. I say that as someone with an ex-boyfriend who also suffers from BPD. The highs are great but the lows are terrible, and the roller coaster is unsustainable. 

You don't need this person in your life. You want her, but you don't need her. Please, look after yourself now. This relationship was always going to crash and burn and she unfortunately has problems that are way above your capability in dealing with. It needed to end, but you must focus on yourself now and work on developing a healthier sense of boundaries, attachment and love. 

 

Thank you, I really apreciate your kindness, Its si hard to let her go.

So you understand it, you’ve been through this, thank you i really needed it.

[Luke_]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. You need to let go. She is not ready willing or able to have a relationship at this time.

Delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps. 

She needs psychiatric care and this is over your head. Relationships are too complex for her right now.

Thank you very much as well, you are right age is not ready for a relationship, thats what we said when we broke up a year algo.

I just love her and her family so much... I wish there way a way to make it over

Thanks for everything!