Alvi Posted January 27, 2022 Share Posted January 27, 2022 (edited) I don't know how to handle a certain individual that I work with. I suppose, the best way for me to handle this would be to go to the HR, but I don't know if what this guy is doing is actually what would be considered a harassment. He makes me very uncomfortable and I don't want to be around him. I honestly don't know which side HR is going to take and I don't want to come out of this looking like a trouble-maker. Any advice would be welcome. Your thoughts and opinions are very much appreciated. Or am suggestions about how to approach HR with this professionally. So OK, here it does: A new guy started working in another department about six month ago. At first he would come to my desk or to pass me by in a hallway and would saying hello. One time he approached me on my break and started asking me very personal questions. Such as how old I am, my religion, how come I am single and didn't have any kids. I told him that I wasn't comfortable discussing any of this with him. Coincidentally, a week or so prior, we had a workplace harassment training on-line course so I couldn't quite understand why he was going there with this line of questions. So after I told him that I don't wish to discuss this, he stopped. But would seek me out during my workday and tell me things that would make me cringe. Just in passing he tells me things about our colleagues, clients, and random women such as: "This woman has pretty eyes but I don't like her haircut." "She would be hot if she lost some weight." "She has a nice body but too many tattoos." I haze zero idea why he is telling me this. Seriously, why? It's not like I am one of his buddies who would cheer him on. He also told me that he wants to teach me his native language but I said no. I've also noticed that one woman, who works in the same department with him, stopped talking to him altogether. She used to be friendly and cheery around him but no more. Whenever she sees him, she moves away. If she is sitting at the desk and he walks by, she stands up and goes someplace else. She doesn't talk to him directly. If something work related she needs from him, she ask other people to tell or to ask him. Also, a guy who recommended him at work, is not talking to him either. It looks like he completely distanced himself from him. I don't know what went down there, I can only speculate. There are other people at my work who are very friendly with him. I can hear them laughing with him (I don't know what he is saying) and heaving a very "jovial" discussions. This group of guys act like his cheering squad. It's even uncomfortable and disruptive hearing them laughing and talking loudly. One time, their superior asked them to stop. They stopped for a while but picked up exactly where they left off few weeks later. The last week, some of the people went out for lunch to the restaurant. I thought that he was hitting on the waitress or at least I could see that he made her uncomfortable. So we have this young woman in her early 20th and this guy kept asking her when she is done working and about what else she is doing besides working. I don't know if anybody else noticed. I wonder if I should have said something, but I didn't. This girl looked so out of place and it's not like she had an option to not to serve us. He is in this 50th and married with young children. His wife and kids live in another country. Not that it matters much I suppose. It might be a cultural thing for him, I don't know. But he comes across very creepy in his interactions. What to do? Edited January 27, 2022 by Alvi Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alvi Posted January 27, 2022 Author Share Posted January 27, 2022 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Alvi said: Sorry, double post. Edited January 27, 2022 by Alvi Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 27, 2022 Share Posted January 27, 2022 7 minutes ago, Alvi said: He is in this 50th and married with young children. His wife and kids live in another country. Sounds like he's going through midlife crisis and fancies himself some type ladies man or connoisseur of women. Ignore him as best you can, he seems like a clown🤡 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 27, 2022 Share Posted January 27, 2022 It's unfortunate he's creepy, but I don't think there is anything HR can do with what you've described. It doesn't sound like he's done anything clearly actionable. What you CAN do is ignore him, do like the other woman and actually get up and walk away if he doesn't take the hint from your silence. Of course you shouldn't have to do that, but I don't think there's enough there at this point for HR to do anything. If you try to ignore him and he doesn't take the hint, consider bringing it up with your manager and see what his/her advice is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 27, 2022 Share Posted January 27, 2022 I would be very clear that you do not appreciate his comments not related to work and be quite firm and verbal about it. People like this spew their views on anyone willing to listen without any regard or listening/conversational skills in return. Do not be surprised that your inaction or lack of response causes him to continue having a one-way conversation into thin air. Take your cue from your other colleagues who also physically remove themselves from the area. Start documenting his behaviour and speak to your higher up or the person you report to. If you feel you can't do that or will be brushed aside, then yes, do speak with your HR department. As for his flirting with a waitress outside of work premises, there's very little you can do about that. It only shows his poor character overall and womanizing attitude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 27, 2022 Share Posted January 27, 2022 I would also ignore him. Turn your head, look busy with something else. If he talks to you then say you got to go. He comes back because you give him attention, it's little attention but it's still attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alvi Posted January 28, 2022 Author Share Posted January 28, 2022 (edited) You are all right, I am just going to do my best to ignore him. Thanks a lot for the tips! Going to look busy and totally ignoring him, moving away when he starts coming my way. Going to say that I have to do things as you guys suggested when he approaches me. Hopefully he is going to get a hint that I am not interested in talking to him. It's not like I've been encouraging him in any way. I never approach him first. I don't say hello or look his way. I never say anything when he when he says those nasty comments. But I freeze up inside and don't know what to say when he comes up to me and starts making some off the wall comments about other women's looks. He probably misinterprets me freezing up as me willing to listen to him. Perhaps he does think that I give him the attention that he craves. Why some men don't see when a woman is uncomfortable around them and keep pushing and pushing some more? I am mostly uncomfortable by his comments and find them very disruptive. I just want to do my job in peace and quiet. I have almost reached my boiling point with him. I guess I am going to have to talk to my boss about what he says to me and how it makes me feel if my ignoring and moving away from him strategy is not going to work out. I am going to keep a record of things that he says just in case. Edited January 28, 2022 by Alvi 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 It's obvious that those other people have stopped being friendly with him and have distanced themselves because he was doing the same thing to them. You would be wise to do the same thing. Don't humor him or feel pressure to be "nice" when he does this to you. Stop being nice. Be a little rude. If he makes weird comments, say very coldly "That's inappropriate and I don't want to hear it. I have to get back to work now." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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