Been two years since I broke up with him, I miss him a lot

[shalina1789]

I broke up with my ex about 2 years ago. I walked away, still madly in love with him. I remember how much I cried, I just knew I couldnt stay with him because of how the relationship was affecting my mental health. He compared me to his ex, love bombed me, didnt respect my personal space, made an insensitive comment about a suicidal matter I was going through.

I didnt want to leave him, but it just became too much and I ended up walking away. And it was the hardest thing to do because I was still in love. 
Despite the reasons I broke up with him for, we had something special. Everyone thought we were going to get married at one point, though we were together for nearly a year, things started to get sour during the first lockdown.

I think about him a lot recently, I think about the amazing support he did give me, and I even find myself reading back to old conversations. I’ve found it difficult to date after him.

A lot of people told me he was just with me to try and get over his own ex of 6 years, he kept all her pics up on social media and would never stop talking about her. Anyway, about 2 months after I broke up w him, someone told me hes found another girl.

I remember he once told me (shortly before breaking up) his type is girls with short hair and a fringe/bangs. I’m the opposite. Long hair with no fringe/bangs. Lo and behold, this new girl fit that description. I even got a message from an anonymous instagram user sending me her profile saying “look, its your replacement”.

I did feel replaced, even though I ended things with him so its none of my business. But he just forgot about me so quickly after hurting me, and here I am two years later regretting the decision i made. Hes still with his new girlfriend, and I know he treats her well. I’ll put my hands up I have stalked her profile as its on public, they always go out and about exploring or to new places. When I was with him, we never did any of that.

I helped him with his car accident, did most of the legal work and proof reading. Even told him he can keep his car in my friends driveway as he had no where to keep it until the trial. My dad was arranging help to get his car fixed, I was always worried about his appetite as he barely ate so i pushed him to go gym and look after himself, i helped him move jobs when he wasnt happy at his role.

I did a lot for him, and it seems as if i put him on the right tracks to share with someone else. And i’m here on antidepressants working 3 jobs, with absolute no sense of direction, suffered so much after I broke up w him due to abusive situations ive been in. I think I’m still in love with him, because he was the only person I had at one point, and he was my comfort.

He said I can still come to him whenever; he’ll always have my back. Its just confusing, and I dont know what I should do. I don't want to come in between him and his current girlfriend, but this regret of breaking up with him is haunting and hurting.

Edited January 28, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
wall of text

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, shalina1789 said:

 I couldnt stay with him because of how the relationship was affecting my mental health. He compared me to his ex, love bombed me, didnt respect my personal space, made an insensitive comment about a suicidal matter I was going through.

Sorry this happened. Don't try to be friends. 

It seems like you miss having a relationship, not him per se.

[glows]

The way your social media is set up and the way you’re using it seems to be making this worse. Set your profile to private and friends only contacting you if there’s an option. Disable anyone else from sending you messages especially anonymous strangers. Remove him and associated contacts as well or take them off your alerts and news feeds. 

All of these are self-inflicted and mismanaged associations with someone from your past. You will not be able to move on if you don’t give yourself the chance.

How long have you been working at your three jobs? If you’ve been at one place for longer, ask for a raise and quit one of them. Downsize to a smaller place or see if you qualify for housing assistance based on your income. 

[stillafool]

17 hours ago, shalina1789 said:

He said I can still come to him whenever; he’ll always have my back. Its just confusing, and I dont know what I should do. I don't want to come in between him and his current girlfriend, but this regret of breaking up with him is haunting and hurting.

People often tell the dumpee that they are still there for them if needed,  we can be friends, etc., but truthfully they don't really mean it.  They are trying to lesson the blow of the break  up.  Unfortunately it sounds like you were his rebound relationship after he broke up with his ex.   Now he has healed from that relationship and is with another girl he wants to make a go with.  Leave him alone and learn to never get involved with a man who is just out of a relationship or this may happen again.

[Silver_star]

On 1/27/2022 at 3:38 PM, shalina1789 said:

He said I can still come to him whenever; he’ll always have my back. Its just confusing, and I dont know what I should do. I don't want to come in between him and his current girlfriend, but this regret of breaking up with him is haunting and hurting.

 You walked away because you chose to honour yourself and your well being. Be proud of that.

He doesn't sound like he was all that great of a partner anyways. It sounds like some of the things he did were very hurtful and those kind of wounds destroy trust and bonds with someone. 

Usually what we remember about an ex is a reflection of the love we poured into them.  Good times, things we did for them, love we felt for them...We grief that loss and wonder if that means they were the one and start to regret..they weren't the one, what they had that was special was a piece of our heart. Remember the void and the lack you felt that caused your poor mental health when u were with him...that brought you down. That is what you were walking away from. Sounds like he lost more than you did.

You are still whole now and although things aren't what you want in your life, stop comparing..life will change for you and you can take part in making it what you want. Stop looking at what he's up to and don't take him up on the offer to "come to him if needed" it is empty words when that is neither productive for your healing and growth or appropriate since he is in a new relationship. Leave the past in the past. Something better is out there for you.
 

[Beachead]

On 1/27/2022 at 5:38 PM, shalina1789 said:

I did a lot for him, and it seems as if i put him on the right tracks to share with someone else. And i’m here on antidepressants working 3 jobs, with absolute no sense of direction, suffered so much after I broke up w him due to abusive situations ive been in. I think I’m still in love with him, because he was the only person I had at one point, and he was my comfort.

Doesn't feel fair does it?

You can't be friends with him.  He burned you.  It hurts and reminders of him via social media and other means of contact reopen the wounds and keep you stuck.  You've got to cut contact with him.

This guy wasn't a good boyfriend and the cons of that relationship far outweighed the pros which is why it never worked out and why you left.  Exes, even sh*tty ones, are still familiar and comforting to think about when we get scared about being alone  (Which many of us feel at times).  Don't mistake it for love. It's just fear.  

There's a lot of people out in the world destroying themselves, by staying in toxic relationships and marriages, not out of love, but out of fear that they'll end up alone.   But you OP, left this relationship because you knew you deserved a better partner.  You knew that because you have self-respect and you have established boundaries.  It's one of the most invaluable tools you could have, because it means you are capable of choosing the right people into your life.  Not many have this ability.  Be proud.  You're strong.    

As corny and cliche as it sounds, everything works out as it is meant to.  You've done your absolute best so continue to do that, by making the best decisions for you and live a life that's true to you.  You're going to meet like-minded people along the way staying true to you.  Believe in that.

Everything will be alright OP

- Beach

 

Edited February 6, 2022 by Beachead