What is a smart way to deal with the situation?

[Imago93]

Hello everyone, I am facing a relationship problem and hope people more knowledgeable than I can provide me some new insights. I will try to describe the situation as best as I can:

Online I got to know Hannah as my language exchange partner. We were already comfortable in each other's native language, so we could also comfortably discuss matters in our lives. We were getting along very well from the beginning, I found her so interesting that it only seemed natural for me to ask her out at some point. 

Unfortunately though the health of a close relative of mine deteriorated over time until that relative passed away giving me and the rest of my family a really hard time. Needlessly to say, I didn't pursue my was goals actively during this time. However, over Hannah was very supportive of me and tried to console me as best as she could. We were already developing a really close friendship only hindered by the fact, we lived in different cities. She has been there for me throughout this time which is probably the reason I fell for her. Things continued like this for a several months, I had made serious plans again asking her out. She was also asking me frequently for my thoughts and advice again on various topics, (none related to relationships though)

However, shortly after New Year she revealed to me that she had found a boyfriend. This was heart breaking.

Since then I noticed how we drift more and more apart, that thinking about her is agonizing and that there is no one I desire more to speak to. Now new issues popped up in my life and again she is there supporting me, holding me up simply by existing or being there. Of course it's not her job to help me. She is happy, possibly even happier than she ever was while spending time with me. I really want her to stay that way. One what basis or right would I be allowed to force myself into her life? I stopped talking about the bad things in my life that don't go so well. I don't know how assuming she is, but I guess she is still so in love that she doesn't any the bad things around her. I really wish her to stay that way, happy. 

Where to go from here? It's fairly obvious: I won't tell her my feelings cause she clearly thinks of me as just a friend. Probably telling her would even hurt her. I do play a part in her life, even if it's a minor one. I would like to think of my feelings as sincere so I want to keep them. If she or her family faces a crisis similar to what I experienced, I want to be there. While I would like to think we were close, the more I think about it, her thoughts/feelings never extended beyond a certain boundary. I highly doubt her opinion towards me would change any foreseeable time. From my past experiences, I would assume our friendship will just die. The more and more dominant her boyfriend's role in her life becomes, the lesser mine will be.  

Is there any way for things to be less painful, to be simpler? I am pretty sure such stories happen frequently, so surely there has to be someone who has found a proper way to deal with such situations. At the moment I just try to distract myself. Further information: She becomes 25 later this year, I just turned 29.

Edited January 30, 2022 by Imago93

[glows]

She has a boyfriend so be respectful and cognizant of that. It’s not appropriate to be telling her your feelings or in any way compete with her boyfriend for affection.

You are asking how to make this less painful and I’m going to give it to you straight. Find another language partner, preferably a male one so you don’t start developing feelings again for someone at a distance. Date locally and start involving yourself more in local groups. Pursue other interests and round your life out a bit more. 

Edited January 30, 2022 by glows

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Imago93 said:

after New Year she revealed to me that she had found a boyfriend.

Where to go from here? It's fairly obvious: I won't tell her my feelings cause she clearly thinks of me as just a friend. 

Sorry this happened. Yes she thinks of you as a friend.

She helped you through a tough time so focus on that, but you'll have to date locally as she did and meet women in person to develop a relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would start putting some distance here, OP. 

Talk to her less. Don't go to her with personal issues, and don't be her shoulder to cry on. You need to go into self-preservation mode now and being close to her is not the way forward. It will only hurt you, as you know she is happy with someone else. 

 

[Imago93]

A final verdict and maybe of interest for someone who might be facing a similar situation:

Ultimately I admitted my feelings to her. I had been feeling terribly over weeks, so to me talking/writing her seemed to be the best choice of action to create at least some form of progress/resolution. We kept chatting in a friendly manner, however I noticed that as long as I don't approach her, she won't return the "favour". It's safe to say the friendship had broken at some point.

After again a few weeks later I still think this was the right choice of action, because I had already felt a "decline" in the friendship before. It wasn't as much a decline due to our personalities, but a decline simply due to the fact that she wanted to spend more and more time with her boyfriend. I would still think that our personality matches very well, but of course friendships take time. So, getting over her took me maybe 2 months (?)