Lifegoeson12 Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 My friend invited me on a trip for a birthday of her friends. But the invite didn’t really sound genuine. Basically the invite was “we are going to London for a trip x’s birthday, if you want to come. I know your finances might be tight so don’t feel pressured to come” So because she basically invited me and then told me that it will be an expensive trip and implied that I probably shouldn’t go because and I quote “London is expensive” am I wrong in thinking it was just a polite invite and wasn’t genuine. Don’t get me wrong if she said we are going to London and you’d like to come we would love you there and left it at that but I feel it wasn’t genuine because she invited and then gave a reason right away why I shouldn’t go. Am I wrong in thinking that? we have another trip planned in April that is very expensive and she did say I’d rather you kept your money and saved for that. So I’m not sure how to feel. I do just feel like I was invited so I can’t say that I wasn’t invited if that makes sense. Am I over thinking it? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 I think she was being nice by inviting you but letting you know that because of your lack of funds she understands if you can't join them. I think you would have been upset if she hadn't invited you on the trip. It's a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 6 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: we have another trip planned in April that is very expensive and she did say I’d rather you kept your money and saved for that. Have you voiced concerns about costs in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 If money truly is tight, then just pick one of the two trips to go on. I think your friend wants you to join the group for the "London Trip", but wanted to warn you about the cost, so you don't get sticker shock when you get there. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted January 31, 2022 Author Share Posted January 31, 2022 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you voiced concerns about costs in the past? Nope never, my friend makes a lot more money than I do but it’s never been discussed. I’ve never not had money to pay for anything if that makes sense. Plus I was only in London last month. So that’s where I thought maybe she didn’t want me to go as I never voiced concern about the cost of things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted January 31, 2022 Author Share Posted January 31, 2022 2 hours ago, stillafool said: I think she was being nice by inviting you but letting you know that because of your lack of funds she understands if you can't join them. I think you would have been upset if she hadn't invited you on the trip. It's a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. I understand that, but saying it’s expensive is One thing but to go in about how expensive it is kinda put me off in the sense I felt she didn’t want me to go and that’s why she had to reiterate how expensive it was. Plus I’ve never complained about money before to her Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 1 minute ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I understand that, but saying it’s expensive is One thing but to go in about how expensive it is kinda put me off in the sense I felt she didn’t want me to go and that’s why she had to reiterate how expensive it was. Plus I’ve never complained about money before to her Based on this, I would conclude that she or one of the other participants does not want you there. Maybe the "birthday girl" (secretly) doesn't really like you and wants to enjoy her birthday without you being there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 (edited) If you have any doubts about the sincerity of these people, don't go. Life is so short. Why waste it amongst company you can't trust, are uncertain about or don't even like? It would be a hard pass for me without any doubts. London would be so much more enjoyable with other friends. Edited January 31, 2022 by glows 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I understand that, but saying it’s expensive is One thing but to go in about how expensive it is kinda put me off in the sense I felt she didn’t want me to go and that’s why she had to reiterate how expensive it was. Plus I’ve never complained about money before to her If you've never complained about money to her why is she even bringing it up? Maybe you should ask her why? And I agree with Glows that if you don't trust her don't go. Edited January 31, 2022 by stillafool 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted January 31, 2022 Author Share Posted January 31, 2022 2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: Based on this, I would conclude that she or one of the other participants does not want you there. Maybe the "birthday girl" (secretly) doesn't really like you and wants to enjoy her birthday without you being there. I agree. I don’t think the birthday girl likes me. My friend asked me again if I was going to go as they had booked tickets to see a show and would have to book me one to join. So I’m assuming that’s my answer. I was invited just because my friend thought I should be. I heard her talking about it almost a week ago and now it’s only being mentioned to me. I won’t even lie the first time I met her friend she was rude and made no effort to speak to me so I’m not surprised I wasn’t invited and I’m going to enjoy that weekend with friends who actually appreciate me 😁 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 I think your friend was trying to protect your ego and not put undue pressure on you about spending money you might not have. Sounds like you got a strong invite for the April trip. So that much is clear. It could also be the case that your friend was hinting that the group is planning on spending A LOT of money on that first trip. So may not be the trip that is the expense--might be that the group plans on living it up in a big way while on the trip. And could be your friend is looking out for you because they know that the spending they're planning is beyond you right now. Do you generally feel comfortable and respected with this group? Your worry about being dissed suggests that you aren't quite comfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted January 31, 2022 Author Share Posted January 31, 2022 2 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: I think your friend was trying to protect your ego and not put undue pressure on you about spending money you might not have. Sounds like you got a strong invite for the April trip. So that much is clear. It could also be the case that your friend was hinting that the group is planning on spending A LOT of money on that first trip. So may not be the trip that is the expense--might be that the group plans on living it up in a big way while on the trip. And could be your friend is looking out for you because they know that the spending they're planning is beyond you right now. Do you generally feel comfortable and respected with this group? Your worry about being dissed suggests that you aren't quite comfortable. I’d say she could have been, but money was never really and issue with us, yes she has a higher paid job but mine isn’t that bad either. now she is aware I have about 3 other trips planned over the course of the next few weeks. sure before the trip to London I planned us a trip and paid for the both of us myself. So she can’t really complain and we have another trip after where I paid for our hotel rooms so again that’s why I’m not sure about the whole money side of things. she was happy for me to pay for those but London she seems to care about my money doesn’t make sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 I know your instinct may well be right, but at the same time I think you are viewing the situation overly in a negative light and attempting to second guess people too much, they sound a nice enough group to me, they are offering to include you , and they are giving you an easy out if you dont feel up for it on this occasion, with the promise of a nice outing to come in April, dont lose friendships either over something that may well be only in your mind, Link to post Share on other sites
Old Aussie Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 On 1/31/2022 at 4:50 PM, Lifegoeson12 said: Am I over thinking it? Yes. There is literally no point in going down this path. You're just torturing yourself, and you'll never be able to give yourself a satisfactory answer. Ultimately, you need to "evaluate" this Friend/Friendship based on the totality of your relationship, not on isolated communications. In regards to this invite, you've been invited, and you've been given an out. That's it. Make up your own mind whether you want to go or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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