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I like somebody that I work with but I don't know her circumstances.

Aquarius9

By Aquarius9,
in Business and Professional Relationships

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Aquarius9

Aquarius9

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So there's a woman that works in the same place that I do in a different department, I've gone past her quite a few times but never said anything apart from a friendly smile sometimes. I'm quite new to the job, it's a large place and I'm kind of friends with one of the guys that she works with in her department.

I've always wanted to talk to her but I feel like I've lost my touch a bit with this sort of thing; I used to be able to do this quite easily and would really put myself out there. Then I was with my ex and just stopped doing it so got rusty and kind of forgotten some of the things to say.

Basically, I want to introduce myself to her so that it might give a platform for speaking to her more regularly then, might not lead to anything but could be worth a try. I kind of know how to phrase it but it's like, do I just go up to her and mention that I'm relatively new and ask her about her job? Mention the kind of friend of mine that she works with?

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glows

glows

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Just say hello the next time you run into her. Start with that.

You’re running hundreds of miles a minute, way ahead in the conversation. Remember it’s a two way street so leave the other 50% to her. Don’t overplan so much and go with the flow. 

Note also many people do not date at work or within the same company or she may be in a relationship. Be respectful of this if she’s not interested or doesn’t want to participate in idle chit chat. 

 

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Speedy79

Speedy79

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If you know a person in her department, talk to him more. Eventually an opportunity will open up where you might be able to include her in the conversation and you can segue from there.

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Aquarius9

Aquarius9

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1 hour ago, glows said:

Just say hello the next time you run into her. Start with that.

You’re running hundreds of miles a minute, way ahead in the conversation. Remember it’s a two way street so leave the other 50% to her. Don’t overplan so much and go with the flow. 

Note also many people do not date at work or within the same company or she may be in a relationship. Be respectful of this if she’s not interested or doesn’t want to participate in idle chit chat. 

 

Sure, sounds good.

Of course, we're all adults, I'd respect anything like that. Just exploring the possibility.

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Aquarius9

Aquarius9

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44 minutes ago, Speedy79 said:

If you know a person in her department, talk to him more. Eventually an opportunity will open up where you might be able to include her in the conversation and you can segue from there.

Alright. There's just occasions where I'll pass her working when I'm on my way to my break or something. I'll then think 'How do I continue once I've said hi?' and then that thought process of trying to structure it in my head just throws me off.

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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50 minutes ago, Aquarius9 said:

There's just occasions where I'll pass her working when I'm on my way to my break or something. 

"Hi, I'm Aqua, I work in the candy cane division" then reach out to shake hands. At some other time when you pass by see if she's going on break.

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smackie9

smackie9

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Ya just say hi and introduce yourself. "Hi I'm Aqua, I'm new here what's your name? How long have you been here for?" 

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Ami1uwant

Ami1uwant

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1 hour ago, Aquarius9 said:

Alright. There's just occasions where I'll pass her working when I'm on my way to my break or something. I'll then think 'How do I continue once I've said hi?' and then that thought process of trying to structure it in my head just throws me off.

You start with hi.

 

next time  you can play stupid and ask where your friend desk is located

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Speedy79

Speedy79

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2 hours ago, Aquarius9 said:

Alright. There's just occasions where I'll pass her working when I'm on my way to my break or something. I'll then think 'How do I continue once I've said hi?' and then that thought process of trying to structure it in my head just throws me off.

That's a problem I have too - you play out everything to death in your head.  Thing is it rarely happens the way you plan so you get caught off guard.  Try and just think of her as any other coworker.  What do you say to them?  Say those things to her.

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Sutch

Sutch

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Hi, I want to at least put it out there and get advice because I'm quite confused over what to do.

There's a woman that I work with that I like. We get along reasonably well and I would've asked her out quite quickly but she mentioned in passing conversation that she had a guy sort of and in the time thereafter, she referred to this person as her boyfriend, so I didn't ask her out of course.

Going by a couple of things that I've heard other work friends say, it didn't seem the most stable of relationships but whatever, I had to accept that she was with somebody. At the time, many of us had and still have each other on Facebook, including the two of us, and it's kind of hard to miss that her relationship status said single - the thing is right in front of you on a profile. Regardless, I focused on other women.

These other women came to nothing. There have been times throughout this that both of us have made efforts to speak to each other; last week she was asking me something that I'd answered her in a conversation the previous week - it felt like she was trying to find a reason to talk to me but I could be looking into it too much - maybe she was just being friendly.

For all I know, she could now be single, I don't know - a fair amount of time has passed. This entire time, I've played it cool with her.

I'm sick of wondering. What if she is actually single and I miss out on a chance if somebody else asks her out?

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lana-banana

lana-banana

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I would first ask if she wants to go for a coffee walk or lap around the building. If she says yes, make it a regular thing---a morning walk, a weekly lunch, whatever. That should clue you into her interest and circumstances pretty quickly.  

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glows

glows

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I don’t agree with dating coworkers but if you must, go for the direct approach. It’s in your demeanour and the way you are with people. If you’re overall a respectful or respectable gentleman (not fawning over every good looking lady or womanizing female staff and clients) you’ll give off the vibe that you’re genuine. 

It seems you are quite interested in her for some time so bite the bullet and ask her out to coffee if she’s single.

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vla1120

vla1120

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18 hours ago, Sutch said:

I'm sick of wondering. What if she is actually single and I miss out on a chance if somebody else asks her out?

Ask her if she wants to go out for coffee or a drink, but make sure it isn't going to interfere with your job. I've seen more than one relationship go sour in the workplace, causing one or the other (or both) to seek other employment arrangements (one time - not by choice.)

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Sutch

Sutch

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22 minutes ago, Lisa said:

Note from moderators: Aquarius and Sutch are the same poster and so we have merged his two threads.

The password reset won't send to me.

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