I don't think married people should have opposite sex friends

[Els]

On 2/5/2022 at 9:45 PM, Myabee said:

So then people who have ex wives and ex girlfriends from many years ago should not be friends with them on social media? Because being in touch on social media is having contact with an ex. Am I wrong to say that? 

I'm not sure if you are willfully being obtuse...

1. You TEXTED HIM happy birthday. Like it or not, that's waaaayyyy more intimate than just having an ex on FB, for most people. But yes, if you have trouble separating the two and maintaining reasonable boundaries, you can certainly choose not to add them on social media. It will simplify the decision for you, and there isn't much to lose by not having them. If you can maintain reasonable boundaries, then it's usually okay to have them on social media.

2. Your post title is misleading - you are telling people that they shouldn't have opposite sex friends when they're married, when in reality the issue lies with you texting a married ex-boyfriend.

[stillafool]

27 minutes ago, S2B said:

But the way you reacted makes you look like you’re guilty of doing something inappropriate. Why wouldn’t you just say who you are and why you’re wishing a happy birthday to a friend?

Absolutely!  That would have made sense to his wife and she wouldn't have been suspicious if you had just explained.  He probably got in trouble for something that wasn't his fault but looked fishy to his wife.

[DKT3]

Affairs don't happen because one is friends with the opposite sex, they happen because some married people have poor boundaries,  a lack of respect and are selfish.  People who want to have affairs, will. It doesn't matter if they text 190 opposite sex people a day or none. 

Affairs don't just happen,  and they don't just happen because you have friends from the opposite sex. The happen because you wanted and made it happen. 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, Elswyth said:

I'm not sure if you are willfully being obtuse...

1. You TEXTED HIM happy birthday. Like it or not, that's waaaayyyy more intimate than just having an ex on FB, for most people. But yes, if you have trouble separating the two and maintaining reasonable boundaries, you can certainly choose not to add them on social media. It will simplify the decision for you, and there isn't much to lose by not having them. If you can maintain reasonable boundaries, then it's usually okay to have them on social media.

2. Your post title is misleading - you are telling people that they shouldn't have opposite sex friends when they're married, when in reality the issue lies with you texting a married ex-boyfriend.

I did not create the post title. I also did not cross any boundaries by sending a happy birthday text. 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Absolutely!  That would have made sense to his wife and she wouldn't have been suspicious if you had just explained.  He probably got in trouble for something that wasn't his fault but looked fishy to his wife.

I did say who I was. I really do not have any idea why I'm getting beat up here.??? 

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, S2B said:

The only married people who don’t have opposite sex friends are the ones who don’t trust themselves to be decent.

I have many opposite sex friends - but I’m never inappropriate with them. Their spouse doesn’t react that way when we communicate. I don’t do things that make me suspicious.

why didn’t you friend her?

Oh now this is getting ridiculous. Why would I friend her? I was not doing anything wrong! I was not inappropriate at all. My goodness🤦‍♀️  Saying Happy birthday have a wonderful day is not inappropriate behavior. If there had been something between us it would have been a different story. He very may well have had other female friends or colleagues text or message the exact same thing. Also, when people have public friends lists... especially a MM and W you know its easy to see that they the married couple do not always have the same male and females friends so anything could be going on behind the scenes in those who lack good boundaries.   

[Lisa]

Thread closed at OP's request

Edited February 6, 2022 by Lisa