We don't even have fun anymore

[Nataliaxoxo]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and we live together. Money is tight. We can’t really afford to do much. Seems like all we ever do is hang out at home, but we don’t spend any real time together. He’s playing video games, and I usually watch tv in a separate room. I waitress on the side, so I’m constantly offering to pick up extra shifts so we have extra money to actually go out and do something fun. He always tells me no and gets mad when I pick up extra hours, saying he doesn’t like when he doesn’t get to see me. I try to explain even when we are home together it’s not like we are spending time together, we are just doing our own things. 
The only date-like thing we do anymore is go out to eat once or twice a week. On these occasions, he’s usually on his phone the whole time. The past few times we’ve gone out to eat, he’s decided to bring up arguments that we’ve been having. It’s very embarrassing for me because I feel like the entire restaurant can hear us arguing. We are at home before we go out to eat and he doesn’t bring anything up then, waits to do it until we get to the restaurant. 
I really want to break up with him but don’t know how because we have this lease together and I can’t afford it on my own. I know that if I cheat on him he will break up with me. 
Any advice? 

[BaileyB]

17 minutes ago, Nataliaxoxo said:

I really want to break up with him but don’t know how because we have this lease together and I can’t afford it on my own. I know that if I cheat on him he will break up with me. 
Any advice? 

Don’t cheat on him. Just tell him that you are not happy and end the relationship. Find a way to get out of the lease. Find somewhere you can stay. Whatever you need to do - 

Edited February 6, 2022 by BaileyB

[Happy Lemming]

As far as having fun, why don't you plan a nice day hike on a local trail or National Park??  Cost is usually minimal to none.  When you get it all planned out (trail map, trail mix, water and snacks, etc.) tell him about it and ask him to join you.  If he says "no, he'd rather play video games", then go without him and enjoy your day.  Take some pictures, etc. and when you get home tell him all about the great day you had exploring this new trail.  Maybe he'll join you for the next adventure.

If you are sure its over, then you need to talk to the landlord about a "lease break" fee/option and see if the landlord will let you break the lease.  Going forward, only sign month to month leases (even if the landlord charges a premium for that type of lease).

In the meantime, stop going out to dinner with him.  If he is going to be on his phone and argue with you, you are better off eating alone or getting some take-out.

 

 

 

[glows]

5 hours ago, Nataliaxoxo said:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and we live together. Money is tight. We can’t really afford to do much. Seems like all we ever do is hang out at home, but we don’t spend any real time together. He’s playing video games, and I usually watch tv in a separate room. I waitress on the side, so I’m constantly offering to pick up extra shifts so we have extra money to actually go out and do something fun. He always tells me no and gets mad when I pick up extra hours, saying he doesn’t like when he doesn’t get to see me. I try to explain even when we are home together it’s not like we are spending time together, we are just doing our own things. 
The only date-like thing we do anymore is go out to eat once or twice a week. On these occasions, he’s usually on his phone the whole time. The past few times we’ve gone out to eat, he’s decided to bring up arguments that we’ve been having. It’s very embarrassing for me because I feel like the entire restaurant can hear us arguing. We are at home before we go out to eat and he doesn’t bring anything up then, waits to do it until we get to the restaurant. 
I really want to break up with him but don’t know how because we have this lease together and I can’t afford it on my own. I know that if I cheat on him he will break up with me. 
Any advice? 

Don’t cheat. You’ll have to deal with the resulting emotions and conflicts after the fact on top of a relationship that isn’t working. That’s twice the issues and then some. 

However now that you’ve brought it up, is there someone else?

The whole thing sounds insufferable. Find a way to break the lease and support yourself, save your money or downsize and stay with family if you feel this is truly over. Don’t jump into another relationship right away. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Nataliaxoxo said:

I really want to break up with him but don’t know how because we have this lease together and I can’t afford it on my own.

Sorry this is happening. How much longer on the lease? Agree that you're incompatible and he's complacent dead weight in the relationship.

Focus on an exit strategy. Don't argue. He's picking fights for no reason. Work as much as you wish. Be out of the house more often.

You could start looking for affordable housing or ask him to relocate and get a roommate. Focus on untangling things so there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

[smackie9]

He's already checked out IMO. He is using video games as an escape from your relationship...he's on a disconnect. Ever since you brought it up, he's just not wanting to contribute to a solution. That's checking out. I say he's just forcing your hand to end it because he's a coward to do it himself.