Bubbles178 Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 I’ve been with my partner for 6 years, we have a toddler together and a home together. We’ve had problems just about the entire relationship. I’ve considered leaving so many times over the years. Whilst we’ve had some great time together, we’ve had some pretty bad ones too. He’s been very selfish, unhelpful at home or with our daughter, he’s said some incredibly hurtful things when drunk, he’s dismissed my anxiety in the car due to a bad accident years ago, many many arguments about his gaming. Now, a lot of these things have improved with time, but I’ve been banging my head against a wall to make it happen. A couple of weeks ago though, same thing, we had a blow up argument, which then led to another big talk about how things need to change. As usual, he apologised and made promises. Very few of which have ever stuck in the past. This time is different though, I am having the hardest time accepting him again. I’m so distant, I’m not wearing my engagement ring, and I don’t know how I feel. I’ve felt so empty in this relationship for so long that I think I’m just exhausted. He is really trying now and has said he’s committed to being better this time, and I kind of believe him. Him seeing me as I am now has made him terrified of losing me. I wanted us to stay together and be a family, but I don’t know if it’s too late. I feel broken and unsure. And part of me wants to be without him. Why do I feel so guilty about not being open and accepting of him this time. Any thoughts, input or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 11 minutes ago, Bubbles178 said: ...many many arguments about his gaming Can you clarify... Do you mean video games or do you mean gambling?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bubbles178 Posted February 6, 2022 Author Share Posted February 6, 2022 Video games. He’s got a lot better over time though. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 32 minutes ago, Bubbles178 said: ...he’s said some incredibly hurtful things when drunk OK... let me ask you a couple of questions. How often does he drink?? When he does drink, does he drink until he is drunk or passes out?? Do you think you could propose a "dry" month?? Could you ask him to attempt to go 30 days without alcohol?? Although video games can be addicting, I was worried he was a gambler, but that is not the case. You are also stating his "video game" problem is getting better over time, so let's leave that alone for now and try to do a "dry" month. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 53 minutes ago, Bubbles178 said: I feel broken and unsure. And part of me wants to be without him. Why do I feel so guilty about not being open and accepting of him this time. Any thoughts, input or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. To be clear, is he verbally abusive when he’s drunk? He needs to recognize he has a problem and seek help/support for his sobriety before he can work on a relationship with you. Relationships aren’t recommended during this time when trying to be sober and recover and your previous thread mentions he’s away for work in the mines for long periods. Think very carefully whether this is a household you’d want your child raised in. If I am in doubt about myself I’d always think of the child. Your duty and first priority is ensuring your child is not in a chaotic or abusive home. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Bubbles178 said: he’s said some incredibly hurtful things when drunk. many many arguments about his gaming. And part of me wants to be without him. If he is a chronic source of pain, conflict, frustration, etc., make arrangements to get out of the house deal . Buy him out or ask for your half. Talking at the back of someone's head who would rather drink, argue, play video games is not working for you. Be decisive and take action. he has no incentive to change and won't. Basically you're a single mother with an antagonist around. See if this resource helps you. It's for people involved with problem drinkers: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/adult-quiz/ Edited February 6, 2022 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 I have a question for you, OP. How does this: 3 hours ago, Bubbles178 said: I’ve been with my partner for 6 years. We’ve had problems just about the entire relationship. I’ve considered leaving so many times over the years. Lead to this: Quote we have a toddler together and a home together. ? Why on earth would you not just buy a house, but also have a toddler with a person whom you've experienced such glaring issues with throughout your "entire relationship"? I get that "you want to stay together and be a family", but you are trying to force a square peg into a round hole, and it's not happening. If this is how he's always been, this is who he is. You should have left 6 years ago, but at the very least do yourself a favour and leave now instead of 6 years from now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Atwood Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 Life is too short to deal with this. You're clearly very unhappy and you said you feel empty. It sounds like the relationship is very bad for you and your health/wellbeing and it will no doubt have a negative consequence for your daughter too. Teach her that women don't need to stick around and tolerate awful behaviour, because we don't. You deserve to be happy, you're allowed to leave. You don't need to wait until he does something specific - being this unhappy is a valid enough reason. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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