Alexxxx12 Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 Not sure if this is the right section for this.. I was dating this guy for a couple months he would make dates when convenient for me, cook me meals he even put aside a toothbrush at his and said it can be mine. Showing me investment all green flags. Then without any build up or growing distance he just stopped replying to my messages. I wait a couple days ask if he’s ok- now not even reading it. Eventually just say please just let me know it doesn’t matter if your not interested anymore. Not read. is this normal behaviour. When did this become socially acceptable? Even a text saying sorry I don’t think this is working out at least treats me as if I exist. I really don’t know where to go from here my first boyfriend was not invested enough and distant. Now this guy was giving me all the right signals of investment- I was playing it cool not pressuring commitment or anything like that. Then hes gone out of nowhere. A responsible grown man it makes no sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 Sorry this happened to you. It’s quite common these days, even amongst adults it seems. I don’t know why & how this has become acceptable. I don’t think it’s cool at all. But I guess most of us have been through it. Sadly. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 I don't think this is acceptable. But that doesn't mean people won't do it. It isn't a new thing either. It just took different forms before digital devices were a thing. That said, are you sure he's otherwise alright? Are you connected on social media, can see if he's active? He may well have ghosted, or something might have happened to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 Did you know anything about him prior or when his last relationship was? No, it’s not what mature people do. While it is hurtful now, I’d also be thankful he showed his true colours early on at two months. Take your time when getting to know someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 8 hours ago, Alexxxx12 said: he even put aside a toothbrush at his and said it can be mine. Showing me investment all green flags. Sorry this happened. Too many red flags 🚩. How often did you see each other? Were you exlusuve or still talking to and meeting others. Don't try to be the cool casual girl, if you want to be exclusive after you've become intimate. Slow down on the in-house dates. A 99 cent toothbrush is not an investment. In fact maybe he's a player and has a draw full of spares. Was there an on off GF or recent ex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexxxx12 Posted February 12, 2022 Author Share Posted February 12, 2022 On 2/10/2022 at 12:13 AM, Alexxxx12 said: Not sure if this is the right section for this.. I was dating this guy for a couple months he would make dates when convenient for me, cook me meals he even put aside a toothbrush at his and said it can be mine. Showing me investment all green flags. Then without any build up or growing distance he just stopped replying to my messages. I wait a couple days ask if he’s ok- now not even reading it. Eventually just say please just let me know it doesn’t matter if your not interested anymore. Not read. is this normal behaviour. When did this become socially acceptable? Even a text saying sorry I don’t think this is working out at least treats me as if I exist. I really don’t know where to go from here my first boyfriend was not invested enough and distant. Now this guy was giving me all the right signals of investment- I was playing it cool not pressuring commitment or anything like that. Then hes gone out of nowhere. A responsible grown man it makes no sense to me. Just as an update… I called him on my friends phone so he wouldn’t see it was me. He answered, and I was really polite like hi just seeing if you’re ok. He was speechless fumbling to get his words out, didn’t really have an excuse. He said he had read my messages and was thinking about what to reply/if to reply. So I just said it would’ve been nice to know you’re ok don’t worry bye. Honestly felt so good to call him out on ghosting me, it was just embarrassing for him couldn’t even put together a sentence. I know I could’ve been more direct about what I wanted from the beginning but he was showing clear signs of interest and investment. Regardless I personally would never just ghost someone I was seeing and sleeping with no matter the circumstances. It shouldn’t be socially acceptable and I’m glad he must feel ashamed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexxxx12 Posted February 12, 2022 Author Share Posted February 12, 2022 On 2/10/2022 at 9:06 AM, Wiseman2 said: Slow down on the in-house dates. A 99 cent toothbrush is not an investment. In fact maybe he's a player and has a draw full of spares. Was there an on off GF or recent ex? I meann we did do dates out and about ofc and he would buy in my favourite good for me. He works long hours so I don’t really see how he would have time to be seeing someone else. His cupboards were pretty empty so I doubt he had a stash of toothbrushes and if anyone does that’s gross haha. He said it had been a while since he’d been intimate too. Also see my update haha^^ Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 6 hours ago, Alexxxx12 said: It shouldn’t be socially acceptable It isn't. Who is telling you that it is? I agree it sucks, but people do socially unacceptable things all the time. At least now you know that for whatever reason, he has lost interest. You might not ever know why, but that's okay. While you are more gracious and wouldn't ghost someone you have been dating and had sex with, it's also important to recognize that not everyone will think and behave the way you do. And that can hurt, yes. But onwards and upwards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 (edited) 10 hours ago, Alexxxx12 said: I called him on my friends phone so he wouldn’t see it was me. Why did you call from another number? Did he block you? Next time slow down until it's established that your exclusive. And you're sure your comfortable and it's going in the right direction. He was a hit and run type, so rethink the 99¢ toothbrush theory as a sign of seriousness and commitment. Edited February 12, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 21 hours ago, Alexxxx12 said: Just as an update… I called him on my friends phone so he wouldn’t see it was me. He answered, and I was really polite like hi just seeing if you’re ok. He was speechless fumbling to get his words out, didn’t really have an excuse. He said he had read my messages and was thinking about what to reply/if to reply. The next time a guy blocks you just let it be and don't find another way to communicate with them. As you can see he wasn't really expecting to hear from you again and that is why he was fumbling with what to say. As far as the toothbrush thing he probably just had an extra one. Doesn't everyone? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexxxx12 Posted February 12, 2022 Author Share Posted February 12, 2022 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: The next time a guy blocks you just let it be and don't find another way to communicate with them. As you can see he wasn't really expecting to hear from you again and that is why he was fumbling with what to say. As far as the toothbrush thing he probably just had an extra one. Doesn't everyone? He never blocked me. He out of the blue suddenly stopped replying to me. I had no way of knowing if he was even ok. He was fumbling with embarrassment because not even giving someone you’ve been seeing one message to let them know you’re alive and just not interested is horrible. Why should I not call him out on it? It gave me closure and took away his power. I just used the toothbrush thing as one example…he gave me the complete impression he was interested invested and a responsible person which he clearly turned out not to be. I’m not at fault for taking someone at face value, but I have learnt from it. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 17 minutes ago, Alexxxx12 said: He never blocked me. He out of the blue suddenly stopped replying to me. I had no way of knowing if he was even ok. He was fumbling with embarrassment because not even giving someone you’ve been seeing one message to let them know you’re alive and just not interested is horrible. Why should I not call him out on it? It gave me closure and took away his power. I just used the toothbrush thing as one example…he gave me the complete impression he was interested invested and a responsible person which he clearly turned out not to be. I’m not at fault for taking someone at face value, but I have learnt from it. I didn’t see this as you calling him out on what he did. You only commented on whether he was ok and bye. It was more or less a hit and run and can be seen as unhinged or very unstable. I know you’re fuming and angry he did what he did but I agree with the previous comment not to pursue further if someone is no longer interested or on the fence. You’re so much better off without a person like this in the first place so you’re at an advantage. You saw how he conducts himself and that’s no man you’d like to know. Lose him already and be free. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 13 hours ago, Alexxxx12 said: Why should I not call him out on it? It gave me closure and took away his power. No, not really. Because I highly doubt this had anything to do with power for him. He was too chicken-doodoo to be honest and tell you he wanted end things, and probably hoped that ignoring you would do the dirty work for him. Power doesn't factor into it, because that would suggest he cared enough to continue to maintain some sort of power over you. But he didn't, really; it seems he justed wanted it to be done and run away from taking any accountability. It was a crappy way to handle things, don't get me wrong. I just don't really agree that you took away his power. But what's done is done, and if it means you can close the door on it, so be it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 He's just an impolite coward. There was nothing to formally end in his mind as he viewed this much more casually than you did. You confronted him,so let go. All you can do in the future is not get overinvolved and overinvested this much. If you want exclusive dating leading to relationships, slow down. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 On 2/11/2022 at 4:17 PM, Alexxxx12 said: Just as an update… I called him on my friends phone so he wouldn’t see it was me. He answered, and I was really polite like hi just seeing if you’re ok. He was speechless fumbling to get his words out, didn’t really have an excuse. He said he had read my messages and was thinking about what to reply/if to reply. So I just said it would’ve been nice to know you’re ok don’t worry bye. Honestly felt so good to call him out on ghosting me, it was just embarrassing for him couldn’t even put together a sentence. Good for you Alexxxx you handled that perfectly imo. You kept your cool while conveying the message he's an ass. I am imagining his shock and embarrassmen, fumbling his words, you came out the winner in this scenario. Good riddance. Link to post Share on other sites
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