Should I stay or leave this relationship?

[Natalie_G]

I am in a long-distance relationship with someone that is a thousand miles apart. We came from different timezone yet manage to work it out all these years. We enjoyed each other's company when we are physically together and virtually. We spent time watching movies/cooking and doing other things together virtually (Facetime). We love each other. He always says that it surprises him that I have good qualities that he never finds with anyone. He always makes me feel loved and cared for despite our distance. At times we can do read and feel each other's thoughts / feelings. One day (on his birthday) he suddenly said, his mom would be so proud of me, that I'm everything that she (his mom) would love to be her daughter-in-law and everything I am as his love. It was a special moment. He is not the type of man that always says the word "i love you" . He says it in unexpected moments, like all of a sudden. We have a connection. We have a relationship. We have a special bond as he says.

However, Recently, I saw a photo of him and a woman. I confronted him about it. I asked him who is she. He didn't answer me who is she, who is she in his life. He said that it's not what I think it is. He mentioned helping someone and he didn't, cannot elaborate it more for now. He said that eventually, this day will come. He said that he will tell me about it in time but not now. I've asked if he loves the person and he answered me "no". He is not romantically involved. I've asked if they have a kid, he said no. I've asked if he's married to the person, he didn't answer me yes or no. He said 1 question will lead to another and he will tell me in time. He told me that it's my decision, to stay or leave. If I would be comfortable in this situation now. He kept saying that he will tell me in time. I'm so confused. I feel betrayed. I really don't know. I love him and I know he loves me. I don't want to lose him. Should I stay, should I leave this relationship, should we stop communicating first and think about it.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Natalie_G said:

I am in a long-distance relationship with someone that is a thousand miles apart. . We enjoyed each other's company when we are physically together and virtually. . I've asked if he's married to the person, he didn't answer me yes or no..

How long have you been talking? How often do you visit each other?

Have you ever been to his home? Who contacted whom and why did you pursue something at this distance?

You need to end it. He's being secretive and dishonest.

At some level you know he's married and this will lead to headaches and heartaches.

Tell him it's over,then delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Talk to a qualified therapist about the voids in your life that led you to pursue a nonviable situation.

 

Edited February 11, 2022 by Wiseman2

[glows]

8 hours ago, Natalie_G said:

I am in a long-distance relationship with someone that is a thousand miles apart. We came from different timezone yet manage to work it out all these years. We enjoyed each other's company when we are physically together and virtually. We spent time watching movies/cooking and doing other things together virtually (Facetime). We love each other. He always says that it surprises him that I have good qualities that he never finds with anyone. He always makes me feel loved and cared for despite our distance. At times we can do read and feel each other's thoughts / feelings. One day (on his birthday) he suddenly said, his mom would be so proud of me, that I'm everything that she (his mom) would love to be her daughter-in-law and everything I am as his love. It was a special moment. He is not the type of man that always says the word "i love you" . He says it in unexpected moments, like all of a sudden. We have a connection. We have a relationship. We have a special bond as he says.

However, Recently, I saw a photo of him and a woman. I confronted him about it. I asked him who is she. He didn't answer me who is she, who is she in his life. He said that it's not what I think it is. He mentioned helping someone and he didn't, cannot elaborate it more for now. He said that eventually, this day will come. He said that he will tell me about it in time but not now. I've asked if he loves the person and he answered me "no". He is not romantically involved. I've asked if they have a kid, he said no. I've asked if he's married to the person, he didn't answer me yes or no. He said 1 question will lead to another and he will tell me in time. He told me that it's my decision, to stay or leave. If I would be comfortable in this situation now. He kept saying that he will tell me in time. I'm so confused. I feel betrayed. I really don't know. I love him and I know he loves me. I don't want to lose him. Should I stay, should I leave this relationship, should we stop communicating first and think about it.

Leave. He’s obviously married if he can’t answer a yes/no question. Please be careful and take care of yourself. You say it’s been years. In that time spent you might have met someone else. I think you’re being manipulated and duped. 

[stillafool]

Tell him after thinking more about the picture you would like to put the relationship on hold until you get clarity of who this woman is and what his relationship is to her.  That is a reasonable request.  Tell him you will not wait until later to find out who she is because if it turns out he's married to her you will not be involved with a married man.

[Pumpernickel]

9 hours ago, Natalie_G said:

He kept saying that he will tell me in time.

That's unacceptable. You have a right to know. Now. And not on his terms.

You say you have been in an LDR for years, and you've spent time together virtually and in-person. Most people would consider this a real relationsip, no matter the distance. You have probably considered it a "real relationsip" yourself, and I am sure he knew that. Therefore, he totally owes you an explanation, but instead he says you can stay or leave, your choice, which makes me think that he doesn't consider it a real relationship (or, he doesn't care, strung you along; or, you misinterpreted something that was a friendship/acquaintance rather than a romantic thing). And as this is posted in the "Friends & Lovers" section, maybe you're not sure yourself? You probably knew or assumed he was living a double life?
Anyway – Because he responded the way he did (not giving you an answer, being evasive, telling you to take it or leave it), you should not continue with him, especially not on his terms, because obvioulsy you're not a priority to him at this point. I am surprised you asked if he has a kid with this woman. Shouldn't you know whether or not he is a dad, after years of knowing him?

My advice: Stop all communication. If he wants to say something, he will. The ball is in his court, but I think you know he's been evasive and dishonest the entire time, and nobody should put up with that type of behavior. I mean, ask yourself this: What are you getting out of this relationsip? You say you love him, but other than the "love/in-love" feeling, how does this love influence your reality? What does it provide? How does it make your day-to-day life better? Ask yourself these questions, as they're important.