NuevoYorko Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 26 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: I really don’t think I’m delusional . With all due respect , you don’t know this guy The guy doesn't really matter, It's the situation and the way you are handling it. You've been posting about it for half a year and if I remember correctly, starting many different threads, which have been merged here. I won't diagnose you, but you are giving a very clear picture of yourself and what you are doing. You have complained about harshness and said that people are supposed to be supportive here. It will be unlikely to find people here who are going to support destructive behavior. What you are describing here is beyond a situation where married people might get involved. Frankly, you are exhibiting stalking behavior, ongoing, at work. Try to work on this and you will certainly find support. That is, if this is actually really happening as you describe. There are a few holes in your story; for example, presenting yourself as a single person until recently - when it's suddenly revealed that you are married AND your husband works at the same place you and the victim of your obsession work - in his department no less. You are certainly getting a lot of attention here for all of your efforts, and I'm not going to continue. We are all enabling your behavior. My hope for you is that you will leave the man alone before anything more than your reputation, job and self respect is damaged. See if you can salvage your professional life, deal with your unhappy marriage, and get some help for your obsessive behavior. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 Yes, as @NuevoYorkosays - can you clarify the facts surrounding this whole situation? 1) are you single or 2) married/engaged? It does make a difference as far as the “support” you’ll get. What is your goal? A relationship between you (single/once divorced?) and the guy (once divorced)? An affair between you and the guy (2 married people; only 1 married AP, etc.) It is confusing if you keep changing the storyline. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted July 23, 2022 Author Share Posted July 23, 2022 12 minutes ago, BrinnM said: Yes, as @NuevoYorkosays - can you clarify the facts surrounding this whole situation? 1) are you single or 2) married/engaged? It does make a difference as far as the “support” you’ll get. What is your goal? A relationship between you (single/once divorced?) and the guy (once divorced)? An affair between you and the guy (2 married people; only 1 married AP, etc.) It is confusing if you keep changing the storyline. I am married , my husband has mental health issues and is fairly up and down. We have been living apart for around 13 months now , and we see eachother 2 nights a week. We are not intimate . As far as I’m concerned, I’m alone pretty much all the time and I certainly feel single. We have discussed divorcing but he isn’t feeling strong enough at the moment. I didn’t want to tell my life story on here, it is painful. I understand what you are saying. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 Ok, but what’s your goal? You’re over-analyzing a married coworker’s behavior towards you, and picking apart his words - why? Are you romantically interested in him, and if you are, will you be ok to be just his mistress, IF he is sexually attracted to you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted July 23, 2022 Senior Moderators Share Posted July 23, 2022 (edited) Hi folks, you've all given CatsClaws00 plenty of feedback, however the thread is now running in circles and it's time to close it up. Thank you all for your participation Edited July 23, 2022 by Lisa 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted September 27, 2022 Author Share Posted September 27, 2022 How can you distinguish between flirty behaviour over friendliness both in person and via text message ? I was texting a guy , we were talking about the fact he doesn’t let much bother him - I said I would be interested to know what makes him tick - he replied when you find out can you let me know as I haven’t worked that out yet ..:: can’t work out if this is a bit of a strange reply. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 27, 2022 Share Posted September 27, 2022 Not strange, just typical banter. Nothing to read into it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted September 27, 2022 Author Share Posted September 27, 2022 1 minute ago, salparadise said: Not strange, just typical banter. Nothing to read into it. Ok thank you . I guess because I had said I would be keen to know what makes him tick I was trying to open up the conversation and be a little flirty to see what the response was as I like him romantically Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 27, 2022 Share Posted September 27, 2022 15 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: Ok thank you . I guess because I had said I would be keen to know what makes him tick I was trying to open up the conversation and be a little flirty to see what the response was as I like him romantically He's saying when you find out let him know because he doesn't know what makes him tick either. It was a self deprecating remark he made about himself. Definitely nothing flirty or romantic about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 27, 2022 Share Posted September 27, 2022 1 hour ago, Catsclaws00 said: Ok thank you . I guess because I had said I would be keen to know what makes him tick I was trying to open up the conversation and be a little flirty to see what the response was as I like him romantically Is he the married mentor? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 27, 2022 Share Posted September 27, 2022 Yes, it was self depreciating humour. Nothing romantic or flirty at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 28, 2022 Share Posted September 28, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, Catsclaws00 said: How can you distinguish between flirty behaviour over friendliness both in person and via text message ? I was texting a guy , we were talking about the fact he doesn’t let much bother him - I said I would be interested to know what makes him tick - he replied when you find out can you let me know as I haven’t worked that out yet ..:: can’t work out if this is a bit of a strange reply. Thanks Agree. Sounds strange. More importantly did the conversation just end like that? Nothing else? Edited September 28, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted September 28, 2022 Author Share Posted September 28, 2022 20 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Is he the married mentor? Yes he is - we are still meeting up and things seem to be getting a little more flirty when we meet. I have tried to stay away but he suggests we ‘catch up’ so I am still doing Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted September 28, 2022 Author Share Posted September 28, 2022 13 hours ago, glows said: Agree. Sounds strange. More importantly did the conversation just end like that? Nothing else? I said I didn’t believe that and it sounds like a challenge… we met up today and were talking about personal things (normally it is just work talk ) he told me about his dad dying , and some things he would like to achieve in his life that he hasn’t yet - and a personal family thing about his son… it felt good that he was sharing as he hasn’t opened up like that properly before Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted September 28, 2022 Author Share Posted September 28, 2022 1 hour ago, Catsclaws00 said: Yes he is - we are still meeting up and things seem to be getting a little more flirty when we meet. I have tried to stay away but he suggests we ‘catch up’ so I am still doing We have text a few times backwards and forwards today, he has had a covid jab and wasn’t feel great so we were mainly sending funny man flu jokes and I said hope he has somebody to take good care of him - he said he was just about making it through and I replied what a trooper… it is kind of banter but not necessary for us to be messaging at all. What do you make of that ? It really struck me how open he was being about personal things today , he didn’t discuss his marriage or wife at all but he talked about his parents / regrets and wants for the future etc . He hasn’t really opened up like that before Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted September 28, 2022 Author Share Posted September 28, 2022 15 hours ago, glows said: Agree. Sounds strange. More importantly did the conversation just end like that? Nothing else? I replied saying that sounds like a challenge … we message fairly often and it is jokey usually Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 28, 2022 Share Posted September 28, 2022 29 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: I replied saying that sounds like a challenge … we message fairly often and it is jokey usually He's happily married, so why pursue it? Are you married too? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted September 28, 2022 Author Share Posted September 28, 2022 53 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He's happily married, so why pursue it? Are you married too? He is married , I have no idea if he is happy. I am just being flirty , nothing has happened other than that Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 28, 2022 Share Posted September 28, 2022 5 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: I am just being flirty Why bother? He's not available to you. Having affairs is not cute. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted September 28, 2022 Author Share Posted September 28, 2022 20 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why bother? He's not available to you. Having affairs is not cute. I’m not actually doing anything other than flirting and making him feel good by doing so. His actions are his own responsibility - so far nothing has happened . Maybe his wife knows we are messaging and meeting up and is ok with him having a female colleague 20 years younger than him doing so Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted September 28, 2022 Author Share Posted September 28, 2022 23 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why bother? He's not available to you. Having affairs is not cute. We aren’t having an affair Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 28, 2022 Share Posted September 28, 2022 On 9/27/2022 at 2:03 PM, Catsclaws00 said: How can you distinguish between flirty behaviour over friendliness both in person and via text message ? I was texting a guy , we were talking about the fact he doesn’t let much bother him - I said I would be interested to know what makes him tick - he replied when you find out can you let me know as I haven’t worked that out yet ..:: can’t work out if this is a bit of a strange reply. Thanks What does having a colleague 20 years younger have to do with it? Lots of people do???? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 28, 2022 Share Posted September 28, 2022 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: We aren’t having an affair But it seems that is exactly what you are hoping for. Don't waste your time. It won't be worth it and you will get hurt. Edited September 28, 2022 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 28, 2022 Share Posted September 28, 2022 3 hours ago, Catsclaws00 said: I said I didn’t believe that and it sounds like a challenge… Don't believe what? Sorry, I missed something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted September 28, 2022 Author Share Posted September 28, 2022 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: What does having a colleague 20 years younger have to do with it? Lots of people do???? Because I am over 20 years younger than him , I think that makes things slightly different to if I was also in my 50s. I am a much younger woman who her husband is actively choosing to meet up with in work and who is sharing many many text messages with him about non work related stuff now . I wonder what would happen if she knew that - my guess is she wouldn’t be happy Link to post Share on other sites
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