Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 16, 2022 Author Share Posted February 16, 2022 2 minutes ago, basil67 said: I think I read on the first page where you said that if you stopped messaging him that you wouldn't hear from him. This would indicate that his level of interest is far below yours. Chasing someone who's really not that interested really can't feel all that good for you. Wouldn't you feel better if you let it go? Yes , it isn’t feeling great- however I only message because he will say let me know how you are getting on, we could catch up at x time if you wanted etc Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 3 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: Yes , it isn’t feeling great- however I only message because he will say let me know how you are getting on, we could catch up at x time if you wanted etc Would he care or notice if you didn't message him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 16, 2022 Author Share Posted February 16, 2022 Just now, basil67 said: Would he care or notice if you didn't message him? I think he would definitely notice , we have been in close contact since July last year so it would be odd to not meet up or message. I should probably do this as an experiment , I think if I left it long enough he would likely message you say how are things or something like that . I asked someone else for some help and he seemed to be a bit funny about it a few months back. I guess he likely knows I am doing all the running at the moment so he doesn’t need to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 16, 2022 Author Share Posted February 16, 2022 Just now, Catsclaws00 said: I think he would definitely notice , we have been in close contact since July last year so it would be odd to not meet up or message. I should probably do this as an experiment , I think if I left it long enough he would likely message you say how are things or something like that . I asked someone else for some help and he seemed to be a bit funny about it a few months back. I guess he likely knows I am doing all the running at the moment so he doesn’t need to. I guess this is the point, he is always so receptive to meeting up and finding time for me , that I just have expected things to fizzle out and we wouldn’t really have much contact - when I haven’t messaged for a while , we have usually bumped in to eachother at work and started talking again. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 26 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: I think if I left it long enough he would likely message you say how are things or something like that . 24 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: I just have expected things to fizzle out and we wouldn’t really have much contact - when I haven’t messaged for a while , we have usually bumped in to eachother at work and started talking again. Isn’t this what friends do though. It’s that old saying - you can for a long time without talking and then one day, someone reaches our or you bump into each other and it’s like no time has passed at all. Just because he reaches out to ask how you are doing or you start talking again when you bump into each other in the hall does not = romantic interest. I just don’t see anything here that supports your theory that he is interested romantically. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 18, 2022 Author Share Posted February 18, 2022 (edited) Myself and a co- worker we’re having an informal meeting this week, we were sat in a fairly small office and I was sat on a couch (almost like a pull out bed type thing ) the man I was meeting with was sat in a normal office chair opposite me, he decided to elevate his legs and put his feet right next to where I was sitting (on my seat) . His legs were stretched out and straight, crossed over and he was fidgeting with a magnet on the radiator for a short time - he said ‘this magnet is good isn’t it !’ Besides making a few other little jokes… does anybody know what the body language may mean ? Any advice appreciated Edited February 18, 2022 by Catsclaws00 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 I am not sure I could make a determination about what his body language means other than to say that it sounds like it was a very informal meeting and he feels comfortable enough with you to put his feet up on the sofa next to you. My questions are more for you. Are you attracted to him and hoping he was flirting with you? Is he single? Married? Is this your first interaction with him? What are you hoping his body language meant? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 7 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: Myself and a co- worker we’re having an informal meeting this week, we were sat in a fairly small office and I was sat on a couch (almost like a pull out bed type thing ) the man I was meeting with was sat in a normal office chair opposite me, he decided to elevate his legs and put his feet right next to where I was sitting (on my seat) . His legs were stretched out and straight, crossed over and he was fidgeting with a magnet on the radiator for a short time - he said ‘this magnet is good isn’t it !’ Besides making a few other little jokes… does anybody know what the body language may mean ? Any advice appreciated he's not interested in anything but whatever this work meeting was for. Perhaps he was waiting for it to end so he could get home to his wife and kids? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Since it was a small office I would say he was stretching his legs. What do you think it meant? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Boundaries. Please stop concerning yourself with whether or not he knows you have a "crush" on him. Your personal feelings are none of his concern, nor should they ever be. As you've confirmed, he is not your "direct report.". Why don't you leave him alone and reach out to whomever you are assigned to report to at your job when you need help with something? Frankly, it sounds like you need a lot of assistance. You might benefit from a closer relationship with your supervisor. You seem to be chasing him down at any opportunity. Yes, he "finds time" and "is receptive" to your many requests for his help. This is appropriate. It's within the bounds of a workplace relationship. You need help, he helps you. Unfortunately, you seem to be waiting for him to slam a door in your face. This is NOT appropriate. Why push it to such a point? Once he finally needs to shut you down (and I predict it will come to this, unless you are willing to step back), It will not be a good situation for you professionally. That's for sure. And it's certainly not going to make you feel good if it does come to that. Just back off. You, like he (and the majority of people in the workforce), are capable of interacting with attractive people at work It's a normal aspect of professional life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 No it doesn't mean he wants to get close to you. If anything he doesn't have manners with him putting his feet up on the sofa. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 2 hours ago, smackie9 said: No it doesn't mean he wants to get close to you. If anything he doesn't have manners with him putting his feet up on the sofa. He most definitely does have manners and is extremely well educated . That is why I found it such odd behaviour Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 On 2/18/2022 at 8:33 PM, NuevoYorko said: Boundaries. Please stop concerning yourself with whether or not he knows you have a "crush" on him. Your personal feelings are none of his concern, nor should they ever be. As you've confirmed, he is not your "direct report.". Why don't you leave him alone and reach out to whomever you are assigned to report to at your job when you need help with something? Frankly, it sounds like you need a lot of assistance. You might benefit from a closer relationship with your supervisor. You seem to be chasing him down at any opportunity. Yes, he "finds time" and "is receptive" to your many requests for his help. This is appropriate. It's within the bounds of a workplace relationship. You need help, he helps you. Unfortunately, you seem to be waiting for him to slam a door in your face. This is NOT appropriate. Why push it to such a point? Once he finally needs to shut you down (and I predict it will come to this, unless you are willing to step back), It will not be a good situation for you professionally. That's for sure. And it's certainly not going to make you feel good if it does come to that. Just back off. You, like he (and the majority of people in the workforce), are capable of interacting with attractive people at work It's a normal aspect of professional life. Thanks for your reply. The fact we are meeting up is more to talk some work things through than the fact I ‘need help’ . I enjoy seeing him, we have a nice time when we meet up and he always says let me know how x y z goes or I’m free next week if you want to meet. It isn’t necessary that we meet up and he helps me, we both realise that and yet we both still want to meet in some way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 On 2/18/2022 at 4:58 PM, Wiseman2 said: he's not interested in anything but whatever this work meeting was for. Perhaps he was waiting for it to end so he could get home to his wife and kids? Really didn’t appear that way. He actually suggested meeting . He also made a comment about how he plans to continue supporting me however he can before we talked about some more personal things like how he has lots on his plate currently at home etc Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 OP, what do you think/hope it means? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 I hope it means he is attracted to me and has at least thought about that , even if he never plans to act on it Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Ok. Is this the married man from your other thread? If so, be careful what you wish for. 😬 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 3 minutes ago, Minneloa said: Ok. Is this the married man from your other thread? If so, be careful what you wish for. 😬 Yes it is - what do you mean ? I understand this is not good , but I’m struggling with trying to forget things . Please don’t judge , feeling like an awful person as it is Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 I mean that affairs are messy business, and it’s often the single OW who gets her heart crushed. Not judging, just warning. You might go over and take a look at the OW/OW sub forum. Very painful to read. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 Just now, Minneloa said: I mean that affairs are messy business, and it’s often the single OW who gets her heart crushed. Not judging, just warning. You might go over and take a look at the OW/OW sub forum. Very painful to read. Ok will take a look at it. I guess I am pretty confident he won’t act on it, but he clearly knows I feel something I think and is still encouraging us to meet and spend time alone. Dangerous territory I guess Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 (edited) Also, the category “work spouse” might be useful to consider. Lots of folks have coworkers with whom they spend a lot of time.Naturally, a camaraderie and a sort of chemistry can develop. Tread carefully here. Remember, he goes home every night to his family. For your own sake, set firmer boundaries. Edited February 20, 2022 by Minneloa Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Dangerous territory indeed. Remember, you can only control yourself and your own boundaries. Try not to worry so much about what he is thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 If it’s causing you confusion and pain, you might consider backing off some. As the saying goes, no good can come of a workplace affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 2 minutes ago, Minneloa said: Also, the category “work spouse” might be useful to consider. Lots of folks have opposite-gender coworkers with whom they spend a lot of time.Naturally, a camaraderie and a sort of chemistry can develop. Tread carefully here. Remember, he goes home every night to his family. For your own sake, set firmer boundaries. Thank you, yes I will. I try to remember that . He has grown up children who have flown the nest and seems to do things/hobbies alone from what I can gather Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 Just now, Minneloa said: If it’s causing you confusion and pain, you might consider backing off some. As the saying goes, no good can come of a workplace affair. I have tried , I think I might delete his number tonight. We normally meet on a Monday so I am just going to not contact him tomorrow and hope things start to feel easier given time Link to post Share on other sites
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