Minneloa Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Even so, he is married, full stop. The details don’t matter, until he announces that he has filed for divorce. Even then, tread carefully. Like, I said, there are some true horror stories in the subforum. ☠️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Just now, Catsclaws00 said: I have tried , I think I might delete his number tonight. We normally meet on a Monday so I am just going to not contact him tomorrow and hope things start to feel easier given time I think this is a wise plan! Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 1 minute ago, Minneloa said: I think this is a wise plan! Best of luck. I will do , thanks. I guess the biggest part of me thinks if he was truly happy in his marriage, why would he be even meeting up with me/messaging etc - even if it appears innocent on the surface Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 1 minute ago, Catsclaws00 said: I will do , thanks. I guess the biggest part of me thinks if he was truly happy in his marriage, why would he be even meeting up with me/messaging etc - even if it appears innocent on the surface Well, only he knows the answer to that. Like I said, work spouses can develop a strong bond. Maybe he simply enjoys your company and being a mentor figure. Maybe he likes the attention. Maybe he’s playing with fire. It ultimately is a moot point due to his marital status. If that ever changes, then there is some wiggle room. Even still, workplace romances are tricky. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 1 hour ago, Catsclaws00 said: Please don’t judge , feeling like an awful person as it is Your morals and instincts are still very much intact then. Why do you not follow them? It would save you a whole world of hurt. Also, have you considered while that office flirting is not uncommon, so much of the time it's done with the knowledge that it won't go anywhere. That someone is a bit relaxed and flirty doesn't mean that they are actually wanting it to go further. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 2 hours ago, Catsclaws00 said: I will do , thanks. I guess the biggest part of me thinks if he was truly happy in his marriage, why would he be even meeting up with me/messaging etc - even if it appears innocent on the surface It doesn't matter if you think he's happy or not in his marriage, the point is he is married. Find a single man to get involved with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 There is something quite predatory in the way you are dealing with this man. Have you played out in your mind what it would really look like if you were to achieve what you appear to be chasing - a sordid office affair? Ugly. Listen to your better self and leave him alone. Your future self will thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 On 2/21/2022 at 1:15 AM, NuevoYorko said: There is something quite predatory in the way you are dealing with this man. Have you played out in your mind what it would really look like if you were to achieve what you appear to be chasing - a sordid office affair? Ugly. Listen to your better self and leave him alone. Your future self will thank you. Predatory in what way ? I don’t agree , we get along really well and enjoy talking on a very simplistic level. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: we get along really well and enjoy talking on a very simplistic level. Are you hoping that the reason your crush in unrequited is because he's married rather than that he is just not that interested in more than mentoring? Edited February 22, 2022 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 3 hours ago, Catsclaws00 said: Predatory in what way ? I don’t agree , we get along really well and enjoy talking on a very simplistic level. In your first post you say: Quote I message him and we meet up every few weeks just Briefly to discuss current work issues You also say in that post that he is not "flirty." That's all within the bounds of appropriate. Every few weeks, briefly, current work issues. That's not bad, except that he is not your direct report at work and there is no professional reason for you to be after him. You're doing it with ulterior motives, which you're very clear about throughout the rest of this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
PotatoHead Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 (edited) As a man, having been on both sides of past affairs and going through a divorce, please leave this guy alone. Your posts here indicate that you are thinking way too much about him and hoping for something to happen. Just stop. Even if he is unhappy in his marriage, he needs to deal with that on his own terms. Do you have any idea the kind of emotional damage it could cause him, his wife, and worst of all his kids, if you were to spark something up with him. That stuff lasts a lifetime and his family would be destroyed. Not to mention how much he would suffer financially from a divorce. If you care at all about this person, leave him alone! Edited February 23, 2022 by PotatoHead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 12, 2022 Author Share Posted March 12, 2022 (edited) I worked with a man at work the other day, I came in wearing a coat over my uniform and he said are you cold ? He then said how was my international woman’s day? I said oh fine thanks , he said he sent a text of appreciation to a family WhatsApp group to all the women .. I jokingly said what - and you didn’t think of me … he said I did think of you ::. he was then just being generally quite jokey and saying things in front of co workers like I should buy us a new table as I am one of the managers, I replied you will be lucky. He was then joking in front of people again about whether or not I had been any help today … then when I went out of the room he said oh are you leaving us …and when I left he said ‘stay warm’ ::: these are just examples .we also had some periods of what seemed like quite prolonged eye contact . Does this sound standard friendly or slightly odd? Edited March 12, 2022 by Catsclaws00 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 He’s your subordinate. Keep things professional only. I don’t see much in his interactions as more than work-friendly. Some of his comments lack respect and he seems to have a loose tongue. He may be the class clown or someone who is prone to lightening the mood at work. Are you recently out of a relationship? Date outside of work if at all possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 12, 2022 Author Share Posted March 12, 2022 20 minutes ago, glows said: He’s your subordinate. Keep things professional only. I don’t see much in his interactions as more than work-friendly. Some of his comments lack respect and he seems to have a loose tongue. He may be the class clown or someone who is prone to lightening the mood at work. Are you recently out of a relationship? Date outside of work if at all possible. No, he is older than me by around 20 years - in his 50s . Very senior , I am a manager and he does a different job but is very high up . He doesn’t seem to be like that around other people that I’ve noticed. When you say they lack respect, it was like he was doing it to get a reaction out of me in a b playful way - not a nasty way Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 Just now, Catsclaws00 said: No, he is older than me by around 20 years - in his 50s . Very senior , I am a manager and he does a different job but is very high up . He doesn’t seem to be like that around other people that I’ve noticed. When you say they lack respect, it was like he was doing it to get a reaction out of me in a b playful way - not a nasty way If he’s interested and single he would ask you out. Banter at work isn’t dating or romance. I don’t see anything in this but perhaps you’re sensing he’s flirting with you. Are both of you single, unattached, not married? As an aside, I’d also think twice about a man in his 50s needing a reaction out of a younger woman at work. This type of interaction is very commonplace and uninspiring. What do you hope to gain out of this? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 3 hours ago, Catsclaws00 said: he was then just being generally quite jokey and saying things in front of co workers like I should buy us a new table as I am one of the managers, I replied you will be lucky. He was then joking in front of people again about whether or not I had been any help today … then when I went out of the room he said oh are you leaving us …and when I left he said ‘stay warm’ ::: these are just examples .we also had some periods of what seemed like quite prolonged eye contact . Does this sound standard friendly or slightly odd? If you think this married man is flirting and interested in you maybe you should stop bantering with him and stop the prolonged eye contact. This is lettiing him know you are interested. Are you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 It's odd that you are picking and analyzing vacuous banter and eye contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 I don’t see anything more than work banter. Why are you reading into it so much? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 9 hours ago, LynneVicious said: I don’t see anything more than work banter. Why are you reading into it so much? Because I know this person and I sense something more than just normal banter Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 Let’s say that your instincts are right, and a married co-worker is flirting with you. Where does this leave you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 37 minutes ago, Minneloa said: Let’s say that your instincts are right, and a married co-worker is flirting with you. Where does this leave you? I am working with him on a new project (i have been assigned to it and he has offered to work on it with me as ‘support’ ) I want to try and stop my own feelings making me do something unprofessional and wrong. I am attracted to him but don’t want to ruin everything and my reputation/ both our lives Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 Kindly, then why are you trying to discern if your attraction is mutual? Would be possible for you to decline his help? If you want to steer clear of an affair, steer clear of him. These situations can be extremely volatile and destructive. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 5 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: I am working with him on a new project (i have been assigned to it and he has offered to work on it with me as ‘support’ ) I want to try and stop my own feelings making me do something unprofessional and wrong. I am attracted to him but don’t want to ruin everything and my reputation/ both our lives There is no "try"....just stop yourself. I really think you need to date outside of work and stop trying to make something out of this. You could both lose your jobs, you could blow up his life. It's not worth it. Just be nothing but professional at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 2 minutes ago, Minneloa said: Kindly, then why are you trying to discern if your attraction is mutual? Would be possible for you to decline his help? If you want to steer clear of an affair, steer clear of him. These situations can be extremely volatile and destructive. I was trying to find out if it was just my imagination and I should just carry on with the work task. He has said to catch up on Tuesday so I was planning to kindly decline his offer of help . Working on a project together will mean the chance to be close for longer periods and I don’t think that’s a good idea now 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 16 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: I was trying to find out if it was just my imagination and I should just carry on with the work task. He has said to catch up on Tuesday so I was planning to kindly decline his offer of help . Working on a project together will mean the chance to be close for longer periods and I don’t think that’s a good idea now Yes carry on your work task. Decline any opportunity to spend alone time with him because you know you want him. You will ruin your reputation if you don't get ahold of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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