Exhausted/Tired of the uncertainty on again off again.

[Spec1]

I am exhausted! I’m exhausted with the finally getting things back on track and then months later she needs to have another self reflection/find herself again journey. 
 

long story short me(m33) her(f35) has long haul commitment issues. We made it 3 years and then she broke things off a little over a year ago, that last 11/2 months and then she did the whole heart felt reach out, she took me for granted, I was her person, her best friend, etc. it use to trigger super deep seeded feelings because we had such an amazing bond. Now, fast forward that year and it’s that dreaded cycle of off again but still really good friends but still together but not together weirdness about it. Once again for I lost track in the year she’s on her journey to find happiness as she did genuinely fall into a deep depression. I’ve tried to put my emotional wants and needs to the side because yes I witnessed how bad things got for her and I too have a lot of independent things I want to focus on…. But I can’t stomach or mentally do the dynamic it’s become. 
 

Even the daily communication has shifted polar opposite spectrums of the scale. It bothers me to much even how we interact over a damn phone so I know that I just need to end things. 
 

I don’t understand how it is so easy for her to just poof out of my life and then randomly text me. I’ll give her credit that she makes it easy to know when she’s done with the convo because she will just heart my response but not actually respond. I feel like I’m not dating the same women but in some weird teenage high school drama. 
 

there’s sooo much I want to rant about but what’s the point of it all? I just know this time I’ll have to be the one to end things. I’m to exhausted and tired playing these games. At first it was genuine where I was concerned and decided to stay by her side while she works through it all but her demeanor isn’t someone working through depression and for the 3 time of off again. It’s tainted how I view her, and then when she cycles back to wanting a committed relationship by saying alll those wonderful things that triggered that genuine deep response… over time of this it just means less and less to me. To now I don’t even feel anything… it’s become “that’s nice, me too” 

it sucks ass but I need my sanity back, I wish she would just be but I’ve come to complete terms I can’t make her do anything. So I feel my only option is to remove myself from it. 

[DKT3]

You know what you need to do. 

I find it extremely worrisome that she's doing this stuff at 35.

Leads me to ask, is it possible there is another man? This is the kind of behavior we see here so often in the infidelity or other men/women section. 

[Spec1]

1 hour ago, DKT3 said:

You know what you need to do. 

I find it extremely worrisome that she's doing this stuff at 35.

Leads me to ask, is it possible there is another man? This is the kind of behavior we see here so often in the infidelity or other men/women section. 

I don’t believe there’s another man, the issue lies in she’s scared of long term commitment. She’s scared whoever she’s with inherently won’t live up to her expectations. 

she goes on these cycles and I should’ve seen the signs when first dating but she averages about 4 years with each marriage or relationship. You’re absolutely right I do know what I need to do at this point in so exhausted in life in general to even have the drive in me to find out if there is someone else. 
 

if you asked me that 5-6 months ago I may have entertained the idea and pursued an answer to that, but In the hear and now for my well being it’s just not worth it. 
 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

This isn't working, so I would stop wasting my time and heart and formally cut things off. 

She's kind of into you and the idea of being together - but only kind of. She very clearly doesn't feel strongly enough to see this through, regardless of the reasons for her wishy-washy behaviour. 

Time to walk away, forever. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Spec1 said:

   I feel my only option is to remove myself from it. 

Yes. Do remove yourself from the chaos of on/off. It's not working out and you realize this.

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Give yourself peace and freedom to date someone who wants what you want.

Is she on off with someone else too? Sounds like you're a back up plan at this point.