Maylady Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 On 2/14/2022 at 12:20 AM, S2B said: If it’s talk his wife would be unhappy seeing/hearing then you know you are participating in a way that’s hurtful to someone (even if they aren’t aware). stop the personal interaction. Tell him you’ve decided to keep it strictly work related and remind him he’s married. this is up to you to do the right thing - he obviously isn’t going to. married men groom potential affair partners - I’d say he’s groomed you well enough that you have strong feelings for him - he wants two women paying attention to him. That should tell you how selfish and self centered he really is. He’s a man who’s willing to mistreat his own wife! Tell him you aren’t playing that role for him anymore. don’t hesitate to point out how inappropriate he’s been considering he’s the ones who’s married. I've noticed that we all tend to blame the man in these situations. Jumping to the conclusion that this married man is grooming her and has something sly on his mind. From the OP's description, I see no evidence of this man grooming her at all. I see the OP sort of grooming him, frankly. I just wonder why us women tend to put it in the man? OP....you sound a lot like I was in my affair. It started out very similar. I find I, like you, was the one who had more feelings for the married man than he had for me. It all blew up in my face. Please dont go down this road. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 On 2/13/2022 at 9:37 AM, VolubleArmour said: I have been divorced many years and am generally doing well- I love my independence and have a very good support network. Ok, then this just a work crush and someone to talk to since you are not interested in dating anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 I'm being reminded more and more frequently how much better most of our lives would be if we would simply take care of our side of the street, be accountable for our own behavior and its consequences, and to just keep things simple. In this case, OP: it's quite a stretch to read this as either an EA or a "close friendship." I'm just seeing an opportunity for you to work on your boundary issues. That's about you, not this man, regardless of his intentions or state of his family life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VolubleArmour Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, Maylady said: I've noticed that we all tend to blame the man in these situations. Jumping to the conclusion that this married man is grooming her and has something sly on his mind. From the OP's description, I see no evidence of this man grooming her at all. I see the OP sort of grooming him, frankly. I just wonder why us women tend to put it in the man? OP....you sound a lot like I was in my affair. It started out very similar. I find I, like you, was the one who had more feelings for the married man than he had for me. It all blew up in my face. Please dont go down this road. Grooming him? In what way? [ ] I didn’t realise I was, just by talking to him or allowing him to talk to me . Edited February 21, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator sarcastic wording 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VolubleArmour Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 10 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: I'm being reminded more and more frequently how much better most of our lives would be if we would simply take care of our side of the street, be accountable for our own behavior and its consequences, and to just keep things simple. In this case, OP: it's quite a stretch to read this as either an EA or a "close friendship." I'm just seeing an opportunity for you to work on your boundary issues. That's about you, not this man, regardless of his intentions or state of his family life. Thank you for your reply. While I most definitely disagree that this is not a close friendship (I think I would know more than anyone here) - I take your point about the importance of my own boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Maylady Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 43 minutes ago, VolubleArmour said: Grooming him? In what way? Pray tell- I didn’t realise I was, just by talking to him or allowing him to talk to me . I just meant other comments from people here are so quick to put it all on the married man. He's grooming you some said. But you've told us nothing that suggests he's doing that. I suppose I was trying to be devils advocate in proposing to say you're grooming him. I just know from my situation. Us women tend to look at men like predators and we are victims. It's harsh on men....when us women ourselves are predators as well in these situations..just in a different way. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 53 minutes ago, Maylady said: t's harsh on men....when us women ourselves are predators as well in these situations..just in a different way. Truer words have never been spoken and i'm glad someone realizes this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted February 21, 2022 Senior Moderators Share Posted February 21, 2022 (edited) OP has stated "Thanks, I have all the answers I needed" and the thread has now been closed. Thank you all for your participation Edited February 21, 2022 by Lisa Link to post Share on other sites
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