Alpacalia Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 (edited) She's also only 18 years old. Heck, when I was 18 years old my boyfriend and I waited three months before getting physical. 🤣 I'm also not really a first date kisser either. And I LOVE kissing. Doesn't have anything to do with my attraction level. I can be physically attracted to a man and still want to hold off on doing anything physical on the first date. Second date? Ummm...maybe. There are NO hard or fast rules. On 2/13/2022 at 10:29 AM, Braytc said: Does anyone know why she seems really interested but doesnt do anything physically intimate or affectionate? She told you right here, were you not paying attention?: On 2/13/2022 at 10:29 AM, Braytc said: But what she said was "just letting you know i want to take this slow, so no sex right now." Im not really sure what she ment by that. Kissing a lot of times can end up going further. I know it's frustrating but if you prefer someone that moves a bit faster physically, she isn't your gal. Edited February 16, 2022 by Alpaca 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 9 hours ago, Braytc said: If someone is explicitly stating no sex but inviting you to their dorm, how the hell does anyone handle that? Hanging out in her dorm is not an invitation to have sex. She wants someone to respect her and her boundaries. That's what she means. No means no. It doesn't mean touch her face and hair and make a move on her. She may be inexperienced or have enough self respect to expect dating a while first before sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 16, 2022 Author Share Posted February 16, 2022 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Yeah, she might have lost interest. She's very young. I was fickle when I was an 18-year-old girl too. Enjoyed the attention of some guys but once I'd had my fill, I was off to the next shiny object that caught my attention. Might be best to just leave this one be, OP. It really doesnt make sense everything was completely identical to the first date lol. She should have not had interest after the first date Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 16, 2022 Author Share Posted February 16, 2022 5 hours ago, Alpaca said: She's also only 18 years old. Heck, when I was 18 years old my boyfriend and I waited three months before getting physical. 🤣 I'm also not really a first date kisser either. And I LOVE kissing. Doesn't have anything to do with my attraction level. I can be physically attracted to a man and still want to hold off on doing anything physical on the first date. Second date? Ummm...maybe. There are NO hard or fast rules. She told you right here, were you not paying attention?: Kissing a lot of times can end up going further. I know it's frustrating but if you prefer someone that moves a bit faster physically, she isn't your gal. Did you ever get to a point where after 2 dates you started texting less and barely saying anything? Cause that's what she's doing now. Idk if she just needs a break from it for a little or am i supposed to ask her what's going on and if we're continueing? Lol I dont need someone that moves slow or moves fast, how they roll is how they roll and as long as i like them i dont necessarily care I just want to make sure other people have heard of this before and it leads to a relationship so im not wasting my time thats all i mean by the post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 16, 2022 Author Share Posted February 16, 2022 (edited) (Deleted this post) Edited February 16, 2022 by Braytc Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 11 minutes ago, Braytc said: It really doesnt make sense everything was completely identical to the first date lol. She should have not had interest after the first date Surely you realize someone can change their mind at any time. Drop the “should-have”-thinking. Dating isn’t about adhering to some subjective and unspoken expectations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 16, 2022 Author Share Posted February 16, 2022 43 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Surely you realize someone can change their mind at any time. Drop the “should-have”-thinking. Dating isn’t about adhering to some subjective and unspoken expectations. It's not It's just common sense, when i go out with someone I've never been crazy over them texting them every day waiting for a 2nd date, then go out on a 2nd date where everything was fun, we have a great time and everything, then decide wait im not interested. I go out with them the first time and go "wait this isnt good" Do you think i should ask her? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 5 hours ago, Braytc said: It's not It's just common sense, No, it isn't. This is just you assuming others think and act the way you do. They don't. You will struggle with dating if you're this rigid in your thinking. And no, I wouldn't ask her. If she's easing off contact, you already have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 17, 2022 Author Share Posted February 17, 2022 18 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: No, it isn't. This is just you assuming others think and act the way you do. They don't. You will struggle with dating if you're this rigid in your thinking. And no, I wouldn't ask her. If she's easing off contact, you already have your answer. How am i ever supposed to figure out what I'm doing wrong if i never ask and get an answer? Like i said nothing happened at all differently what so ever between date 1 and 2. She acted the same, i acted the same. Both times she prolonged both dates for hours and we spent a good 4+ hours together so i couldnt imagine anyone would've been having a bad time Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 (edited) On 2/16/2022 at 5:24 AM, Braytc said: Did you ever get to a point where after 2 dates you started texting less and barely saying anything? Cause that's what she's doing now. Idk if she just needs a break from it for a little or am i supposed to ask her what's going on and if we're continueing? Lol I dont need someone that moves slow or moves fast, how they roll is how they roll and as long as i like them i dont necessarily care I just want to make sure other people have heard of this before and it leads to a relationship so im not wasting my time thats all i mean by the post. There have been two dates so far. And they are not even really dates from the sounds of it. Just hang outs. She could be preoccupied with school, dating other people, or having lost interest at this point. What happened on the previous "hang out?" Are you sure you didn't try to physically escalate the situation or put pressure on her in any way? Have you actually ever asked her out on a proper date or have you been leaving that up to her? Maybe man up a bit and take the bulls by the horn and actually ask her on a proper date. Edited February 17, 2022 by Alpaca Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 17 hours ago, Braytc said: How am i ever supposed to figure out what I'm doing wrong if i never ask and get an answer? Because it's been two freakin' dates and that would be desperate and putting too much pressure on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 19, 2022 Author Share Posted February 19, 2022 (edited) On 2/18/2022 at 2:43 AM, ExpatInItaly said: Because it's been two freakin' dates and that would be desperate and putting too much pressure on the situation. So today i asked her and she said "i dont think we meshed well or match" lol Edited February 19, 2022 by Braytc Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 8 hours ago, Braytc said: So today i asked her and she said "i dont think we meshed well or match" lol Well, now you know. Leave this one in your rearview mirror. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 21 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Well, now you know. Leave this one in your rearview mirror. What does mesh well mean? We talked for hours, she invited me on a second date i didnt even ask her, and are into all the same things How else can you "mesh" with someone is so concerning. Like if she doesnt like that then who will Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 There's no point over-analyzing this, OP. Just take her at her word that she's not feeling it, and understand that she's not as into you as you are into her. And let it be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 17 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: There's no point over-analyzing this, OP. Just take her at her word that she's not feeling it, and understand that she's not as into you as you are into her. And let it be. But why does everyone do this? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 25 minutes ago, Braytc said: But why does everyone do this? Why does everyone do what? Can you elaborate on which bit confuses you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) 46 minutes ago, basil67 said: Why does everyone do what? Can you elaborate on which bit confuses you? They go out with you in the first place, they give you their number without asking, they ask you out without you even asking them out. They initiate most things and then in the end come up with "we arent compatible" like why are you even asking me in the first place? Compatible with what? We talk forever so theres nothing wrong there, it's never boring. We like all the same things. Have similar personalities. Everything seems to match great. But in the end all 200 dates ive gone on nothing happens. The only people that really like me are the people that are really weird, have nothing in common, and i have no interest in. Anyone i feel that clicks with me perfectly are never interested after the 2nd date. It makes no sense how anyone gets a girlfriend/boyfriend Then you ask them and nobody gives you any feedback. It's like they're dropping you and dont even have any idea why they're dropping you It's ridiculous. Like if i dont like someone i can flat out say "we dont like anything have nothing to talk about" or "you're crazy energetic and i cant keep up" or "you dont like to go out and i like to go out" you know something along those lines. Edited February 22, 2022 by Braytc Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 If you're getting approaches and dates, then I would guess that you're objectively attractive and as such, women are open to giving you a chance. But when they get to know you over the first date or two, they find that the personalities are not a match. You may find someone who is brave enough to give feedback. In one instance I know of, a guy reached out to a girl he'd dated a little after she'd ended it. He politely asked "I can't seem to get past date one or two and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Would you be able to give me any feedback?" She decided that she'd be honest and told him that he'd talked too much about his problems and it was like being in a therapy session with him. He was enormously grateful for her candour. I hope we went on the make the changes. If you are going to ask what you are doing wrong, you may want to try the above approach. If they agree to help, it's crucial that you don't argue back with them. Even if you don't agree, just thank them for their time and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 10 hours ago, Braytc said: But why does everyone do this? It happens all the time. In your case you're too aggressive physically out of insecurities and try to move in for the kiss, touch, whatever you can get way too soon. If you slow your roll women will respect you more and not just dump you in the "just another horndog" basket. You're also dating teenage girls who are too young for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) 13 hours ago, basil67 said: If you're getting approaches and dates, then I would guess that you're objectively attractive and as such, women are open to giving you a chance. But when they get to know you over the first date or two, they find that the personalities are not a match. You may find someone who is brave enough to give feedback. In one instance I know of, a guy reached out to a girl he'd dated a little after she'd ended it. He politely asked "I can't seem to get past date one or two and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Would you be able to give me any feedback?" She decided that she'd be honest and told him that he'd talked too much about his problems and it was like being in a therapy session with him. He was enormously grateful for her candour. I hope we went on the make the changes. If you are going to ask what you are doing wrong, you may want to try the above approach. If they agree to help, it's crucial that you don't argue back with them. Even if you don't agree, just thank them for their time and move on. I did do that and she just kept saying the same thing over and over "we are different people, we dont mesh" "i just didnt vibe with you, it's nothing you or i did or can change" Like ive been on dates where there is nothing, i mutually agree that theres nothing there at all after the first date and thats it. I understand that. But it's these girls that there's so much in common with and feels so right then they turn around and say "theres no vibe" But as i said above there has to be an actual concrete reason, you vibed with me enough the first date to invite me on a 2nd date? Nothing makes sense and nobody will actually tell me what it is i have a feeling. I would understand if i was in a few relationships and people im going out with here and there dont feel the same way about me as i feel about them. But its literally every single person, 0 for 200. Like how is that possible not one person Edited February 22, 2022 by Braytc Link to post Share on other sites
Author Braytc Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: It happens all the time. In your case you're too aggressive physically out of insecurities and try to move in for the kiss, touch, whatever you can get way too soon. If you slow your roll women will respect you more and not just dump you in the "just another horndog" basket. You're also dating teenage girls who are too young for you. Its funny because in the past ive been on these forums and on reddit and i dont kiss the girl after the first date then everyone goes "well you missed your chance, you didnt kiss her and now she thinks ur not into her or that ur soft, you have to kiss her" because theres been ones i dont go in for a kiss and they still leave you Theres no way that would even make sense in this case cause she invited on a 2nd date after lol. I could see if we never went out again then sure Edited February 22, 2022 by Braytc Link to post Share on other sites
Agentra Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 She said she "didn't mesh with you", that's pretty straight-forward. You don't need to keep on analyzing the answer, respect the choices people make and work on letting go. You're just exhausting yourself at this point. You come off quite defensive, it just sounds like your ego took a beating. Instead of getting so wrapped up in this rejection from a teenager, find a way to cope better. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 2 hours ago, Braytc said: and on reddit and everyone goes "well you missed your chance, you didnt kiss her and now she thinks ur not into her or that ur soft. So how did that work out? Try not to be egged on by PUA groups. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 3 hours ago, Braytc said: she just kept saying the same thing over and over "we are different people, we dont mesh" "i just didnt vibe with you, it's nothing you or i can change” Why did she even need to say the same thing over and over? This indicates you were asking her repeatedly and not accepting what you were hearing. That’s just plain annoying, OP. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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