Girlfriend didn't shut down Flirting Male Orbiters

[Amerthyst]

My 22 Year old Girlfriend is a Leo so maybe not the ideal match for a Capricorn Guy like me as She is very friendly and outgoing and tends to attract Male Orbiters like Bees to a Jar of Honey but when we met 2 years ago the Chemistry was there right from the start

Where one of my biggest problems is keeping away the predators, who seem to think its fair game to try and steal her away and so I am rather ashamed to say that I keep her away from things like dinners and dances and also away from my friends as She is a bit of a Serial Flirt and I am a bit of a Nice Guy that is not helping matters at all

Commonsense tells me to Call it a day, except She's absolutely gorgeous and when we go out on our own then you could never ask for anything more

In Answer to the Question am I Jealous and Possessive, I am going to have to answer Yes to that as I am looking to get some honest advice from yourselves, whatever that might be

Pre-Pandemic we went away on a Boat Trip with a group of people who do that sort of stuff, everyone was friendly but nobody crossed the line

It was one of those Mini Cruises over to Denmark, where they have a bit of a disco on board

And so I left her with our group while I went to the Bar to get some drinks

But when I came back She was Flirting with a couple of Single guys who were complete strangers

Where one of these guys asked me if he could dance with my Girlfriend where anyone who's ever been in that situation can surely appreciate how awkward this can be

If I say Yes, then I'm giving them permission to get as friendly with her as both these guys wanted to be, as it probably wouldn't stop there

But if I said No then I come across as Jealous and Possessive

All in all what I knew full well was the 'Oldest Trick In The Book'

And although I said No, these guys just persisted, as the pair of them clearly had got 'game' against just one of me

Where being a bit of a Serial Flirt as I had previously mentioned, She was really enjoying the Attention and didn't make any attempt at all to Shut these Male Orbiters down

As they were coming out with comments like 'Bit possessive aren't you mate' and sorts of stuff like that 

And if the object of the exercise was to make me look stupid and humiliate me in front of her, then I do have to tell you they succeeded and were clearly toying with my emotions, as well as really having a job in keeping these Male Predators away, as they were quite clearly trying to drive a wedge between us

Where even on the following day seemed to engineer any excuse to come and talk to Us or should that be HER!

When we got in the Cabin that night I did my best to try and explain that I wasn't happy and that these two Random Strangers had spoiled the Trip for me, which I suppose also resulted in me also spoiling it for her

Where her response was I don't see why you're making so much fuss, they only wanted to have a blinking dance!

Yeah of course they did! (lol)

It's not that I don't Trust her, its more I know that She can't Trust herself

I probably came over as being a bit of a Wimp like nice guys do but its really eating away at me, in case something similar should ever happen again

Where you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't

So what would have been my best response in that kind of situation?

And so guys and gals it's over to you for advice

Edited February 14, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
reduced title length

[RatherMeh]

When they asked if you minded if they danced with your girlfriend, I would have said "Yeah, but only vertically" then given them the old 2 fingers up to my eyes, then dart the fingers to their eyes, meaning "I'm watching you". Then actually watched them, then half way through their little dance I'd have got between them (it's a legit move as I'm her bf), out-danced them, and led her away back into my clutch. 

1) You don't look possessive because you let them dance with her, 2) you set the rules and framed the situation, 3) you get her back in the end, because you're playing by your rules. 

[Amerthyst]

Nice idea but he wasn't planning to do any disco type dancing but more a slow smooch and steal a few innocent kisses (are kisses ever innocent?) I don't think so!

What I did think of saying was why don't you dance with your Boyfriend! but that might have started a fight and I might have lost!

Edited February 14, 2022 by Amerthyst

[glows]

It doesn’t matter what those strangers are thinking as humiliated as you may feel. The issue is your girlfriend doesn’t agree with you and dismisses you. Complaining after the fact makes you appear insecure. 

Conversely, she doesn’t need anyone’s permission who to dance with. It’s quite demeaning that those men perceived it was your choice to make that decision in the first place and you were a fool to step into that role, thinking you are in any position to make those choices for another person in a relationship. 

In future let your girlfriend decide. If she’s flirting with other men and you don’t like it, end the dysfunction or disregard for the relationship and move on with your life.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Amerthyst said:

It's not that I don't Trust her, its more I know that She can't Trust herself

This makes zero sense. 

If you know she doesn't trust herself, there is no way you should trust her, either. 

Sorry, but the problem isn't all these male "predators." It's your girlfriend. You know her deal: she likes attention from other men, and apparently doesn't trust herself not to be inappropriate with her.

You're wasting your time if you're looking for a girlfriend with stronger boundaries and a higher sense of loyalty to you. This woman isn't that. 

[Amerthyst]

Hi Glow

Quite possibly the best Comment I have ever heard! and you were right its her decision to make rather than mine, though when something comes out of left field like that its hard to know how to respond in that moment of time

So I guess I was just copying what I've seen other guys do and tell the Orbiters to 'Foxtrot Oscar'

I'm guessing perhaps incorrectly that She wants her Cake and Eat it 'Having the Best of Both Worlds' and as for me I just don't want to end up being the 'Mothership' that She can Flirt from and so as painful as it is going to be, I'm going to have to tell her that its over

 

ExpatInItaly 

Another Great Comment as well

As while She sees her Flirting as harmless, which it quite possibly is even though I don't do it myself

It just makes me feel so uncomfortable, that as much as I love her if She loves that kind of Attention, then She will have to go

So now just out of interest, 'as you can't learn less'

How would you and Glow have handled that very situation?

And so to set the Scene for you, as I'm sure you already know

You've just come back from the Bar with some drinks, to find your Girlfriend Flirting with Two Strangers who ask her to dance where you are not happy at this perceived lack of respect that She seems to be showing

Would you dump her on the spot and leave those guys thinking they've Won, or would you have handled it a totally different way and if so what would you do, as it seems so crazy that an incident such as this one could so easily split us up and I'm sure I'm not the only guy who has had to face this very problem

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Amerthyst said:

As while She sees her Flirting as harmless, which it quite possibly is even though I don't do it myself

It just makes me feel so uncomfortable

Then it's not harmless. It is harming your relationship. 

1 hour ago, Amerthyst said:

You've just come back from the Bar with some drinks, to find your Girlfriend Flirting with Two Strangers

I'm a woman, and I can tell you, my boyfriend wouldn't come back from the bar to find me flirting with two strangers to begin with. That's not how I operate. I would turn down the advances of men who tried to approach me, and I sure as hell wouldn't flounce off to dance with them. 

1 hour ago, Amerthyst said:

Would you dump her on the spot and leave those guys thinking they've Won,

You care way too much about what other people think. Who cares what two random men you're never going to see again think? They wouldn't be "winning" anything, as your relationship isn't a competition. If you feel your girlfriend was behaving inappropriately. That is what matters. Not what a couple randos on a boat think. 

Having said that, I would not make a scene and dump her publicly. I would remove myself from the situation, and if she cared enough to speak to me privately and I wanted to dump her, I would do it then. 

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Sorry, but the problem isn't all these male "predators." It's your girlfriend.

Yes. And the fact that you are willing to tolerate this because she is beautiful. 

Some men will ignore all kind of red flags and excuse all kind of poor behavior because the woman is beautiful. 

[PotatoHead]

Went through the exact same thing in a past relationship.  It is not going to end well, and the longer you put yourself through it, the more it is going to hurt you.  It will drive you crazy, and the worst part is you are making this out to be a problem with you, not a problem with her.

Listen to the advice here, the problem is her, not you.  Don't let it make you feel like a crazy, controlling, or possessive boyfriend.  You deserve someone who cares about how you feel and doesn't do things that make you uncomfortable.

I hope it doesn't end the way my relationship did.  I would recommend getting out before it does.  Find yourself someone loyal.

[Amerthyst]

ExpatInItaly

Great Comment so thank you for that

But what made the Situation even more awkward was that these Two Randos, asked the Question to me (would they mind if they asked my Girlfriend for a Dance?)

This was not your typical Dinner and Dance Situation, where you go along 'eyes wide open' full in the knowledge and also accepting that this is going to happen and if you don't like it then you simply avoid this type of event

But these two guys were 'Players' who fancied their chances and hopefully where it might lead

So I was the one who was being asked the Question rather than her, so I was the one who was quite clearly put on the spot

Where if I said I didn't mind, then I would be lying

If I said you better ask her and in the event She said Yes, then I would have no grounds for any complaint, even though I would hate myself for potentially handing her over to them on a Plate, as whatever I said would be taken at face value

And I don't think its ever a good idea to invite a Fox into a Hen House and while they may not be jumping her bones, I see it as her giving affection to a couple of Random Strangers who I don't even like and certainly not would never want to be friends with

What makes matters worse if they could get worse is that my Girlfriend is magnetically attractive and very Charismatic so any time that She decides to switch on a Smile that could light up a room guys just seem to gravitate towards her, where being a Predator they have got nothing to lose

Nothing is ever Black and White, so maybe I should be asking myself how much pain I'm prepared to put up with to be with this beautiful girl

[glows]

3 hours ago, Amerthyst said:

Hi Glow

Quite possibly the best Comment I have ever heard! and you were right its her decision to make rather than mine, though when something comes out of left field like that its hard to know how to respond in that moment of time

So I guess I was just copying what I've seen other guys do and tell the Orbiters to 'Foxtrot Oscar'

I'm guessing perhaps incorrectly that She wants her Cake and Eat it 'Having the Best of Both Worlds' and as for me I just don't want to end up being the 'Mothership' that She can Flirt from and so as painful as it is going to be, I'm going to have to tell her that its over

 

ExpatInItaly 

Another Great Comment as well

As while She sees her Flirting as harmless, which it quite possibly is even though I don't do it myself

It just makes me feel so uncomfortable, that as much as I love her if She loves that kind of Attention, then She will have to go

So now just out of interest, 'as you can't learn less'

How would you and Glow have handled that very situation?

And so to set the Scene for you, as I'm sure you already know

You've just come back from the Bar with some drinks, to find your Girlfriend Flirting with Two Strangers who ask her to dance where you are not happy at this perceived lack of respect that She seems to be showing

Would you dump her on the spot and leave those guys thinking they've Won, or would you have handled it a totally different way and if so what would you do, as it seems so crazy that an incident such as this one could so easily split us up and I'm sure I'm not the only guy who has had to face this very problem

Nobody wins in an unhappy and distrustful relationship. Date to find out the character of a person. You’re finding out this is who and what she is. You also seem possessive and treat her like a trophy girlfriend.

Do you continue to stay and prove and fight that someone is a terrible match for you or do you walk away and spend your time with better company? I’d reflect on how precious your time and your life is to you and not waste it like this. 

You “win”, by the way, by living well and surrounded by those who care about you genuinely. Your girlfriend doesn’t respect you unfortunately and I think a lot of that has to do with the way you may view her or women in general if you’re dating someone just for their looks. 

[Amerthyst]

Bailey B

Great comment that describes me to a 'T' and you are absolutely right in what you say

Guys seem to do exactly that and for better or worse I guess I am one of those guys who are simply blinded by her beauty, not that She's Classically Beautiful but more that She's Funny and Naughty with a Sunny Personality and simply smolders like a burning fuse

And I can also tell you that although I've been out with a number of Girls, as soon as they made this one they went and broke the mold and so in spite of all the pain brought about by her, who is only living her life exactly as She wants I'm sure that I will never meet anyone like her

PotatoHead

Most of the time we get on fine and don't have any problems apart from rolling around on the floor having a bit of a Play fight, which we both enjoy very much, its just that she finds it hard to resist testing her powers of attraction

She's not your Normal Girlfriend whatever that might be but Totally Authentic with a life full of Drama, so what we have in our relationship will never be stale or boring and that is the one thing that would be so hard to replace

And so it depends on how much pain I am prepared to put up with before I bail out, as that alone may be worth the price of admission 

[Amerthyst]

You are right again Glow but then on the other hand I sometimes think that its a price worth paying but then again at other times I don't

Edited February 14, 2022 by Amerthyst

[Beachead]

Lets just start with the fact that you don't trust her.  You're trying to convince yourself you do, but you don't.  And it's because of her.  Not you.

For example, this random dude asking to dance with your girl and then calling you possessive when you said no, is blatant disrespect to you and your relationship.  Anyone would have felt uncomfortable and shared your sentiment.  Your girl should have recognized this and put an end to it right there and then.  She didn't, and that to me is also disrespectful.  It doesn't matter how she feels about flirting.  What matters is it is hurting you.  If she cared about you and her relationship with you, she'd acknowledge that.    The reason you feel jealous and uncomfortable is because she's drawing it out in you and then making you feel like you're the one with the problem.   The term "Possessive" is often used to undermine your feelings about it.   AKA gaslighting.

I made bad choices and ended up surrounding myself around girls like this.  I dated them.  This is what they do.  

You are focusing on how beautiful she looks and the good times, while you ignore this part of the relationship.  Stop doing that.  Put it all together to really see who she actually is.  She is seems to be someone who doesn't care about you or the relationship.   

- Beach

Edited February 14, 2022 by Beachead

[glows]

36 minutes ago, Amerthyst said:

She's not your Normal Girlfriend whatever that might be but Totally Authentic with a life full of Drama,

There are authentic people without drama. 

You acknowledge being attracted to this dysfunction so it’s more a case of making your bed and lying in it. If this is what you seek in your partners, you’ll have to put up with the disrespect/trust issues unfortunately. 

 

[mark clemson]

It's her "right" to flirt, it's your "right" to leave. It sounds like you're not really the type of guy who's cut out for dating a "party girl". (I'm not so sure I would be either, so that's not a judgement call on you or anything.) Her "having fun" isn't a problem (in her mind) so long as she "chooses you" in the end. She's not being particularly sensitive to how YOU feel about it, which is clearly undermining your relationship.

IF you break up (I'm not recommending, but you seem to be at least thinking about it), you may find she is genuinely upset and "really wants you". IF that happens (by no means guaranteed) and you still want her, it would be a good opportunity to establish some "rule changes".

I think trying to curtail this entirely might backfire in that it ends with her just going around behind your back. A different approach (if you can accept it) would be to have a pre-planned and agreed-to understanding that she can flirt for a while but then you get to "claim" her fully again, re-asserting your status as her BF and one-upping the competitors. On her part, she should agree (at least tacitly and certainly in de facto practice) to "be done with" the orbiters and fully choose you and shut them down, right in front of them. If the orbiters try to drive a wedge by complaining you're possessive or such, you can use that as an opportunity to double down with e.g. a "you're darn right" and pulling her close, etc or similar. 

With any luck she will be redirecting any "emotional energy" she's "gained" from the flirting back into hot sex with you (she probably already does this, actually). "Showing spine" along with a certain amount of magnanimity is something that IMO many women respect.

The above is a compromise AND a bit dysfunctional, and wouldn't work for many couples, but it would and no doubt does work for some, as plenty of guys out there date flirty women and have to develop techniques for driving off the orbiters. Having a pre-made plan isn't particularly fair to the orbiters  - but (and as pointed out already) let's be honest these guys DON'T have your best interests in mind and no doubt a certain % of them would happily drive off with your woman as their "prize" if they could.

One option to consider.

Edited February 14, 2022 by mark clemson

[Uruktopi]

Flirty partners and diagnosed cancer are bad news.

Had them decades ago. 

Both solved with surgical interventions.

Don´t wait too much to extract any of them.

 

[ShyViolet]

You CANNOT have a relationship with someone if you can't trust them.  And have no trust in this girl.  If you were able to trust her, and you knew without a doubt that she would never cheat on you, then it wouldn't matter how many guys try to flirt with her.  You would be able to rest assured that she'll stay loyal to you.  You would never have to worry about someone "stealing her away."  This is not about the other men, it's about HER actions and her choices.

Yet you say that you're staying with her because she's so attractive.  Sorry, but that's shallow.  

[salparadise]

3 hours ago, Amerthyst said:

its just that she finds it hard to resist testing her powers of attraction

So what is the trust situation? You know you can’t always be around to mate guard. What I’m wondering is whether this is about fundamental trust, or just the frustration of episodes like the one you described. Say you needed to be out of town for a week or two… would you be worried that she’d get carried away and cheat, or do you believe she’s reliable other than the flirting situations? 

If you don’t feel that you can trust her out of your sight, you might as well get out now and save yourself the big catastrophe. But if this is only about shutting down the inappropriate attention you might be able work through it. Granted she needs to learn to behave like a more mature woman and take your feelings into account. You just can’t live with crazy, but I’m not quite convinced that it’s a lost cause. 

Edited February 14, 2022 by salparadise

[dramafreezone]

18 hours ago, Amerthyst said:

Where one of my biggest problems is keeping away the predators, who seem to think its fair game to try and steal her away and so I am rather ashamed to say that I keep her away from things like dinners and dances and also away from my friends as She is a bit of a Serial Flirt and I am a bit of a Nice Guy that is not helping matters at all

Commonsense tells me to Call it a day, except She's absolutely gorgeous and when we go out on our own then you could never ask for anything more

In Answer to the Question am I Jealous and Possessive, I am going to have to answer Yes to that as I am looking to get some honest advice from yourselves, whatever that might be

Why would she shut down flirting from orbiters?  That defeats the purpose of having them, that free attention.

We aren't that far removed from the wild.  If your GF is as pretty as you say she is, guys are going to shoot their shot.  They're trying to replace you, prove to her that they're superior to you.  Nothing you can do about it, it comes with the territory.

If you say she's the flirty type then there's nothing you can do about that either.  And bringing it up will not do a bit of good, she'll say it's all in your head.  It's a form of gaslighting.  You're not crazy, she likes the attention.  If she didn't she would shut it down.

One reason she behaves the way she does is because it elicits a reaction out of you.  So it's positive feedback, she keeps doing the behavior and she keeps getting the desired result.

You can only change how you react to her flirting with others.  You need to change the result to have any chance at changing her behavior.  When she acts this way, remove your attention, and do it for an extended period of time.  She already knows that you don't like it, but you're not doing anything about it.  Sometimes the only thing people respect is action, not words, and there is no more emphatic action than to walk away from her, possibly for good.

Now I'm not saying that she won't ditch you, she may.  So if losing her over this scares the crap out of you, then you'll just have to continue to endure it, those are the only two choices.  But if she's willing to break up with you because you don't like her flirting, then there was realy nothing much here to hold on to in the first place, just one man's opinion.

I know others say "you need to trust her."  The primary issue here is a lack of respect for you, that's the issue.  A person that is highly considerate of her SO's feelings won't behave the way that she's behaving right in front of you, because it's disrespectful.  From that vantage point, you should not trust a SO that does not respect you, because they will not feel bound to the understood rules of an exclusive relationship.

You've voiced your disapproval and she didn't respect that, so the only thing that she may respect is your willingness to walk away from her.

Edited February 14, 2022 by dramafreezone

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 2/13/2022 at 5:56 PM, Amerthyst said:

My 22 Year old Girlfriend is a Leo so maybe not the ideal match for a Capricorn Guy like me as She is very friendly and outgoing and tends to attract Male Orbiters like Bees to a Jar of Honey but when we met 2 years ago the Chemistry was there right from the start

Where one of my biggest problems is keeping away the predators, who seem to think its fair game to try and steal her away and so I am rather ashamed to say that I keep her away from things like dinners and dances and also away from my friends as She is a bit of a Serial Flirt and I am a bit of a Nice Guy that is not helping matters at all

Commonsense tells me to Call it a day, except She's absolutely gorgeous and when we go out on our own then you could never ask for anything more

In Answer to the Question am I Jealous and Possessive, I am going to have to answer Yes to that as I am looking to get some honest advice from yourselves, whatever that might be

Pre-Pandemic we went away on a Boat Trip with a group of people who do that sort of stuff, everyone was friendly but nobody crossed the line

It was one of those Mini Cruises over to Denmark, where they have a bit of a disco on board

And so I left her with our group while I went to the Bar to get some drinks

But when I came back She was Flirting with a couple of Single guys who were complete strangers

Where one of these guys asked me if he could dance with my Girlfriend where anyone who's ever been in that situation can surely appreciate how awkward this can be

If I say Yes, then I'm giving them permission to get as friendly with her as both these guys wanted to be, as it probably wouldn't stop there

But if I said No then I come across as Jealous and Possessive

All in all what I knew full well was the 'Oldest Trick In The Book'

And although I said No, these guys just persisted, as the pair of them clearly had got 'game' against just one of me

Where being a bit of a Serial Flirt as I had previously mentioned, She was really enjoying the Attention and didn't make any attempt at all to Shut these Male Orbiters down

As they were coming out with comments like 'Bit possessive aren't you mate' and sorts of stuff like that 

And if the object of the exercise was to make me look stupid and humiliate me in front of her, then I do have to tell you they succeeded and were clearly toying with my emotions, as well as really having a job in keeping these Male Predators away, as they were quite clearly trying to drive a wedge between us

Where even on the following day seemed to engineer any excuse to come and talk to Us or should that be HER!

When we got in the Cabin that night I did my best to try and explain that I wasn't happy and that these two Random Strangers had spoiled the Trip for me, which I suppose also resulted in me also spoiling it for her

Where her response was I don't see why you're making so much fuss, they only wanted to have a blinking dance!

Yeah of course they did! (lol)

It's not that I don't Trust her, its more I know that She can't Trust herself

I probably came over as being a bit of a Wimp like nice guys do but its really eating away at me, in case something similar should ever happen again

Where you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't

So what would have been my best response in that kind of situation?

And so guys and gals it's over to you for advice

 

Your concerns are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overblown.

 

You are (considering - to be kind) your girlfriend as if  she is just one of your buddies.

 

And we all know darn well that some of your buddies would take anything they could get from any hottie who happened along.

And we all know that your buddies  have zero interest in being mere 'friends' with women who they would not rather be  banging.

 

Totally hot  women can get a sex partner any hour of the day or night, so  "we" long ago passed the point at which your totally hot  girlfriend would have sought a(nother) sex partner if that's what she wanted.

 

Maybe it is true that your being a brilliant breadwinner, or a studly masculine sorta guy isn't precisely the most important element about you which keeps your girlfriend around.

 

MAYBE she is (psychologially) there for her own reasons.  Maybe she is happy with the results when she attempts to project your near and long-term future, and when she attempts to anticipate precisely where you are going to 'be', sexually, in order so that she can (best pursue her own pleasure for correctly anticipating 'you').  MAYbe you are living-up to her expectations for the most part, and that's why she hasn't (taken the opportunity to sample one of those "orbiters" ).

 

Why it's even possible that you as an individual aren't worth a darn, but that SHE is quite content projecting her feelings and sexuality OFF OF you, because she knows exactly how to (cause herself to feel content) for her correctly anticipating how you will act and react to everything about her (down to her insecurities) so that she is warmed by the return of all which she projected off of you and back toward herself.

 

Lastly, while it is true that men have zero interest in being mere "friends" with women they would not rather be banging

that is simply NOT the case for women.    Thus to apply the same standard to chica caliente  which she applies to you is not appropriate in this case.

 

If she wanted to bang other men - she would be banging other men.

 

Psychologically speaking, chica caliente  has been 'conditioned' her whole life to hear and sense all of that praise and admiration all around her... and it is truly unending.  Although most of the rest of us cannot relate to it, it seems very possible that some of her needs that steady assurance that she (is still as caliente as she once was).

 

In summation, your job is to perceive that she is there with you because she wants to be there with you.     (when that changes in some way, she'll let you know)

 

* your insecurity over this issue may strangely match her eventual insecurities about physical imperfections she might one day come to have.

(and they will hit like the same ton of bricks you're perceiving in this issue)

 

 

[Wiseman2]

On 2/13/2022 at 8:56 PM, Amerthyst said:

Where one of my biggest problems is keeping away the predators, who seem to think its fair game to try and steal her away and so I am rather ashamed to say that I keep her away from things like dinners and dances and also away from my friends 

Unfortunately you can't keep anyone on this tight a leash. 

The best thing you can do is become more confident and work on the insecurities.

People are going to mingle in public. No one is going to "steal" her.

Get a handle on the controlling possessive thoughts and behaviors.

[Amerthyst]

14 hours ago, Beachead said:

Lets just start with the fact that you don't trust her.  You're trying to convince yourself you do, but you don't.  And it's because of her.  Not you.

For example, this random dude asking to dance with your girl and then calling you possessive when you said no, is blatant disrespect to you and your relationship.  Anyone would have felt uncomfortable and shared your sentiment.  Your girl should have recognized this and put an end to it right there and then.  She didn't, and that to me is also disrespectful.  It doesn't matter how she feels about flirting.  What matters is it is hurting you.  If she cared about you and her relationship with you, she'd acknowledge that.    The reason you feel jealous and uncomfortable is because she's drawing it out in you and then making you feel like you're the one with the problem.   The term "Possessive" is often used to undermine your feelings about it.   AKA gaslighting.

I made bad choices and ended up surrounding myself around girls like this.  I dated them.  This is what they do.  

You are focusing on how beautiful she looks and the good times, while you ignore this part of the relationship.  Stop doing that.  Put it all together to really see who she actually is.  She is seems to be someone who doesn't care about you or the relationship.   

- Beach

Hi Beach

At last someone who understands me and my situation! It's almost like you've gone and read my mind and there's no doubt you've absolutely Nailed it and I do feel so much better after reading this and if I could give you 10 Gold Stars I would!

When these Random Dudes turned up She put me in a really awkward situation, where I either lamely hand her over or else write that I'm Jealous and Possessive in 10ft High letters on the Wall, which I think was just what those Dudes wanted so it took away my Confidence right in front of her and increased theirs in front of her eyes

And I also agree with you that anyone would be feeling every bit as uncomfortable in that situation, as in fact I have seen for myself the only difference being in the way they handle it and though I'm not in any way what you would ever call a violent person, I do know some who do like to kick off

Where I heard that one guy went and told this Dude his Girlfriend wouldn't fancy him after he had rearranged his face, which sent him running for cover and never to be ever seen again!

But you've got to be a certain sort of guy to ever get away with that, that for better or worse is not me

Though getting back on Topic Yes! you're right my Girlfriend should have shut them down without a single moments hesitation and Yes! She was drawing the Jealousy right out of me, when its really her who was the problem

After 'the said incident' I spoke to her about it when we were on our own, where She said and I quote 'Its part of my charm' and that She didn't like to disappoint people, which very obviously did not include me!

So I think in her mind being with her was like bestowing a Gift of some description and on the day I met her, that's kind of like the way it felt for me, as I could not believe my luck of getting with this Stunner, who I never considered to be a Trophy Girlfriend, in case anyone might be thinking that or not as the case may be

Do I Trust her, No I don't!

But She's such Fun to be with that She's almost an addiction and one of those very rare Girls that I'll never forget for as long as I live

Though after having said that I think eventually She's got to go

So I think I need to make it clear that if She ever Shows me up in that way again, then I will be walking and never coming back

I will get around to replying to everyone eventually as I really do appreciate the way that you are trying to help me and want to send back a considered reply instead of rushing things

 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Amerthyst said:

When these Random Dudes turned up She put me in a really awkward situation, where I either lamely hand her over

No, you've got it so completely wrong. 

What you should have done is tell them that it's her decision, and to ask her instead. Put the responsibility back where it belongs - on her. She isn't a possession to be "handed over" or not. She's a grown-ass woman capable of making her own choices. And if you don't like those choices, you walk away. 

But you're so bowled over by her looks that you won't. You will wait until she's had her fill of you and leaves on her own. That's what usually happens when you date someone for the wrong reasons. 

[Uruktopi]

Dating a wide band flirter is always for wrong reasons.