Tips for healthy boundaries with flirtatious male co-worker?

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

A few weeks ago I guess a male co-worker decided he would give me some 'words of encouragement', by randomly stating out of the blue -- "you're doing a good job. That's why they hired you", etc., then the other day he comes over and compliments me on my look (hair/make-up) and asking things like "hey did you do something different?" and offers me snacks. Earlier that afternoon I even noticed as I was walking up the hallway he deliberately jumped off to the side so that he could walk behind me to get a better look at my backside. I didn't feel sleazy per se but I'd be lying if I said it didn't creep me out a bit. Also, I've noticed he always sits or stands behind me in staff meetings and talks to me about life in general. At the company Christmas party last year he kept trying to dance with me (and even whispered in my ear "I won't dance unless you dance, but then proceeded to dance with another female co-worker 5 mins. later, lol) but I kept turning him down. Before going on his last vacation to Puerto Rico he asked me if I wanted him to bring me something back. 

Overall, he is very much a gentleman and always seeks me out to talk to me and always compliments me on my appearance/clothing, something I notice he doesn't really do with any of the other women in the office. If he's gone from the office for a few days when he returns he will say things like "hey, nice to see you/I've missed you." He even went so far as winking one day (I know, I know) and to even ask me if I was a "Miami girl." Thing is, I'm not interested in him or attracted to him romantically and it is nobody's secret that he has a girlfriend whom we all talk to him about often (I even give him suggestions on vacations spots to take her to), and I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable because I know he has a girlfriend and I have never ever crossed that line with anyone especially not at work, but I can't help to feel like he's a bit too nice?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, all of the complimenting and attention is making me a little weary and because he is such a "nice" guy and appears to be harmless, well-liked, and some of the female colleagues flirt with him openly. I am feeling like I need to keep some healthy distance. Any suggestions?

Edited February 13, 2022 by LoveIsABattlefield36

[stillafool]

Yes just keep healthy boundaries the way you are doing already.  He's probably just a flirt but isn't trying to leave his gf for another girl.  When I worked in an office guys would flirt, stare and make comments but it really didn't mean anything because they knew I had a bf and they had gf/wives.  If he makes you uncomfortable you can ask him to stop commenting but I don't see where he's being disrespectful but I am not you.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, LoveIsABattlefield36 said:

he has a girlfriend whom we all talk to him about often

He seems a bit overbearing and seems to fancy himself as a flirt. However he isn't doing anything inappropriate or unprofessional so there's not much you can do except avoid him like any other annoying coworker.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Yes just keep healthy boundaries the way you are doing already.  He's probably just a flirt but isn't trying to leave his gf for another girl.  When I worked in an office guys would flirt, stare and make comments but it really didn't mean anything because they knew I had a bf and they had gf/wives.  If he makes you uncomfortable you can ask him to stop commenting but I don't see where he's being disrespectful but I am not you.

 

Thank you!

I will take your advice and continue on as normal. I'm pretty good at signaling with my body language what I do and don't care for when the time is good and ready, and as I stated, I have learned to say no, just as I demonstrated when he asked me to dance at the x-mas party. 

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

He seems a bit overbearing and seems to fancy himself as a flirt. However he isn't doing anything inappropriate or unprofessional so there's not much you can do except avoid him like any other annoying coworker.

 

Thank you. I appreciate your feedback. 

[emilyn]

He appears to be a bit excessive and upfront of himself as a flirt. However, because he isn't doing anything unprofessional, there isn't much you can do except ignore him. Maintain healthy limits as you have been. If he crosses his boundaries, you can ask him to stop this till then, Just ignore him. 

[glows]

On 2/13/2022 at 3:45 PM, LoveIsABattlefield36 said:

I guess what I'm trying to say is, all of the complimenting and attention is making me a little weary and because he is such a "nice" guy and appears to be harmless, well-liked, and some of the female colleagues flirt with him openly. I am feeling like I need to keep some healthy distance. Any suggestions?

Keep your relationships at work professional especially with him. If you need to keep your distance do it consistently. Answer questions without saying anything about yourself or your personal life. 

[stillafool]

Since he's flirting with everyone else too and them with him, I think he's just a flirt.

[NuevoYorko]

Appropriate boundaries between romantic and professional relationships are always important.  This flirty co-worker who has a girlfriend needs no different handling.  Forget about your body language and how he interacts with various people in your workplace and just keep it professional.  It's not hard.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

12 hours ago, emilyn said:

He appears to be a bit excessive and upfront of himself as a flirt. However, because he isn't doing anything unprofessional, there isn't much you can do except ignore him. Maintain healthy limits as you have been. If he crosses his boundaries, you can ask him to stop this till then, Just ignore him. 

 

Thank you!

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

11 hours ago, glows said:

Keep your relationships at work professional especially with him. If you need to keep your distance do it consistently. Answer questions without saying anything about yourself or your personal life. 

 

Will do. Thank you.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

10 hours ago, stillafool said:

Since he's flirting with everyone else too and them with him, I think he's just a flirt.

You're right. Even the Supervisor flirts with him. Cringey. 

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

8 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Appropriate boundaries between romantic and professional relationships are always important.  This flirty co-worker who has a girlfriend needs no different handling.  Forget about your body language and how he interacts with various people in your workplace and just keep it professional.  It's not hard.

 

Thank you very much.