ceeceebloom Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 I was close friends with this guy for over 10 years to the point where I put my full trust in him that someday he's going to ask for my hand. He moved 6 years ago to an ocean away country but still asked about me and kept telling me all the sweet words, not romantic words but flirting-like words, and I was falling for them like a fool. He used to ask about my life and how was I doing, if I was having trouble with something he would help me figured it out. He used to send me good morning messages despite the jet lag. I met his family, I drew him a painting that is now hanging on his wall, and from time to time he used to send me a picture of it, mentioning that he wakes up every morning seeing it first. He used to compliment me, send me funny memes or lame jokes out of nowhere, remind me of our inside jokes and our time in highschool, call me by the nickname he always used, send me flirty emojis, tell me he missed me. He used to make me smile, make me feel more confident in myself. He was my rock. He told me he wanted us to be partners, he was referring to work and I got it. He told me to move to where he lives, he told me he would marry an artist just to shock him everyday with her art, and he always calls me "artist", he told me that he loves my cheeks that are pretty chubby and I hate them, he told me no man deserves someone like me. And I, like a fool, was falling for him. A month ago he recruited me as a graphic designer for his start-up, then as a marketing manager despite my lack of experience. I agreed, despite the pressure that I am having in the meantime. I offered him what I could give, I helped him with what I could do, I lost plenty of time, including my weekends and my study time just to work for him. He's my boss now, and I was proud of him. Two days ago, while a was having a rough time trying to balance between my full-time job, my studies for the PhD competition -which is less than a month away- and my job within the team he runs, he struck me with the news: "When two people meet and when they click and get along, why not bound to be married? This month, I am getting engaged. We asked a girl for her hand and she agreed. So I am getting engaged to her pretty soon. I hope the same for you". The next day, I went to work with my eyes were swollen and red. I spent that whole day trying to dry my tears and pretend to be okay, play with my niece, watch series and animes just to forget about that conversation, but the tears kept running and my heart kept hurting. The day after, I came to realize one thing I was blind enough not to notice: I was the stupid one. I was so naive and fool, and he was using that. He was using me. The guy that I thought was the one, if god forbids i found no one to be my partner and my soulmate, used me. All I want to do now is to block his ass, but I am a part of his team now and all of my teammates are rooting for me to do my graphic work. I don't want to make it clear that I am getting mad at him because he told me he loves someone else, because it's not about him loving someone else, it's about me being so full of s***. Maybe I should wait for a month or so to resign, but my heart can't take it anymore. Please, I am begging you, help me, because I, in all honesty, lost trust in men. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 I am sorry for your pain, OP. My first question is, are you (and he) from a culture where arranged marriage is the norm? Or where parents are part of the mate-selection process? I ask because of this way you phrased this: 17 minutes ago, ceeceebloom said: This month, I am getting engaged. We asked a girl for her hand and she agreed. So I am getting engaged to her pretty soon Who is we? I wonder if perhaps this was always a bit of pipe dream for you two, if families are involved in choosing a spouse. However, I'll wait for more details from you before giving further thoughts on that. On the question of resigning, yes, it might be best if you start looking for other work. It sounds as though it's going to be much too painful to continue working with him, and that's understandable. It will get even worse as his engagement and eventual wedding take place. I would update your CV and start seeing what other opportunities are out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 Did your boss ever ask you out for a date? I've found that unless a guy is actively pursuing you for a relationship and verbalizing it he's just giving compliments. This is how I'm seeing his interaction with you. He hasn't done or said anything specific in what you've written that makes me think he had a romantic interest in you. I don't think you should be embarrassed because I doubt he has a clue of how you feel. Try to carry on as normal and put this behind you but remember if a guy is not asking you out and pursuing you it's just talk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 (edited) 56 minutes ago, ceeceebloom said: All I want to do now is to block his ass, but I am a part of his team now and all of my teammates are rooting for me to do my graphic work. I don't want to make it clear that I am getting mad at him because he told me he loves someone else, because it's not about him loving someone else, it's about me being so full of s***. Maybe I should wait for a month or so to resign, but my heart can't take it anymore. Please, I am begging you, help me, because I, in all honesty, lost trust in men. Are you being remunerated for your work? Complete it anyway and do well. He sweet-talked you and it worked. All he did was talk quite a lot. I sincerely hope you’re not doing that work for free. Shift all your focus to your PhD work and start thinking about what you’d want for your future. Once this stint with this person is finished slowly distance yourself and finally close that door. Your feelings are too strong for any good to come out of this and you deserve to move on. It might be a good idea to go back and reflect on how it got to this point too. He was someone from your past and you put a lot of faith in him despite not really knowing him at all. Don’t let this make you jaded towards all men and paint everyone by the same brush. You will be radically shortchanging yourself then and not allowing yourself to experience meeting someone new. Edited February 14, 2022 by glows 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 35 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I wonder if perhaps this was always a bit of pipe dream for you two, if families are involved in choosing a spouse. However, I'll wait for more details from you before giving further thoughts on that. Yes did he just happen to introduce you to his parents because they were around or did he take you to visit his parents and introduce you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ceeceebloom Posted February 14, 2022 Author Share Posted February 14, 2022 2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I am sorry for your pain, OP. My first question is, are you (and he) from a culture where arranged marriage is the norm? Or where parents are part of the mate-selection process? I ask because of this way you phrased this: Who is we? I wonder if perhaps this was always a bit of pipe dream for you two, if families are involved in choosing a spouse. However, I'll wait for more details from you before giving further thoughts on that. On the question of resigning, yes, it might be best if you start looking for other work. It sounds as though it's going to be much too painful to continue working with him, and that's understandable. It will get even worse as his engagement and eventual wedding take place. I would update your CV and start seeing what other opportunities are out there. Thank you, In our culture, we are free to choose the spouse, but marriage is mandatory before anything serious. Friendship is acceptable, but sexual or romantic relationships are not acceptable. The "we" in the quote is referring to him and his family.I would like to point out that l've already met parts of his family years ago. thank you for your time and answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ceeceebloom Posted February 14, 2022 Author Share Posted February 14, 2022 2 hours ago, stillafool said: Yes did he just happen to introduce you to his parents because they were around or did he take you to visit his parents and introduce you? He introduced me to parts of his family. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 (edited) 46 minutes ago, ceeceebloom said: So your parents must be upset with him also because they were expecting him to marry you too, correct? So what do you do now? Edited February 14, 2022 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
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