Working with my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend

[Susan1551]

Everyday, I work with my boyfriend & his ex-girlfriend. Although their relationship was supposed to be kept "secret" from everyone we work with, everyone pretty much knew how tight they were because she incessantly talked about him. She would talk about where they went & what they did, how he felt about this issue or that issue, his preference of coffee, his quirks - but they are just "friends" of course. Yeah right. Well, it's no surprise that no one bought it. He never talked about her so most people at work either thought she was just obsessed with him or that he just wasn't that into her, even though it was universally acknowledged among our co-workers they are good friends.

 

Now, I find myself in her shoes. We've been dating for nearly 2 years (the same amount of time they did) & since I don't take the liberty of letting everyone know how buddy-buddy we are, don't hang out around his area just to "catch-up" & don't jump at the chance to answer questions about his whereabouts on any particular day, when I know exactly where he is - I am free of the rumors that plagued their relationship. In a way, I think it's actually helped our situation because she's unintentionally diverted all attention from me to her. No one suspects us. (except I'm thinking she might because of the insane amount of information she feels obligated to throw at me about him) But no one else does because people tell me their opinions, etc. about him that I know for a fact they wouldn't tell me if they knew I was dating him!!! However, it's all bittersweet. While she at least got to mark her territory by implying their relationship without outright stating it, I don't - but am still "privileged" to hear her going on & on like they are still best buds. Although she's obviously stopped talking about places they go out together - since they haven't in the two years we've been together - she still insists on blabbing about him every chance she gets.

 

It's not that it's getting any worse, it's just getting to a point where, as his girlfriend, I'm tired of hearing it. I still get stuck hearing about his family, his hobbies, from her. I just smile and nod acting like this is all new & quite interesting information. She offers to pick up his mail (outloud in front of everyone of course) when he goes out of town, she asks him is she needs to "feed him" if she notices he hasn't eaten & it's after 1pm (outloud), immediately jumps to her pillbox if he even grimaces like he has a headache, & here's what really annoys me - she'll answer questions he directs to me because she knows the answer or he & I will be in the middle of a conversation & she'll walk by, stop & just listen - like that's normal - everytime. I have never had a one-on-one conversation with him where she's walked by & NOT involved herself. It's infuriating.

 

Help. I'm jealous. Jealous of the fact she gets to say & do the things I wish I had the right to say & do as his girlfriend. And ticked that I'm not acknowledged for who I am to him when it comes to her. Trust me - I've encouraged the man to tell her he's moved on, but he won't do it. You probably already guessed this, but she wants him back. For the entire first year of our relationship, she tried to get him back. Only after a few tearful cryouts with him over getting back together & him telling her he's not interested, has she tapered off on asking him out. But that took a year! Ridiculous! And he wouldn't tell her he moved on. He just kept saying I'm not romantically interested in you anymore. Which is good - but adding that he's moved on I think would give her more reason to attempt closure. Which is another issue I'm dealing with that will just have to be another post. I have no doubt she wouldn't take him back at the drop of a hat. She probably thinks because he never brings a "girlfriend" around to company events that he's not dating, or just not dating anyone of significance.

 

Anyway, that's the situation. Any advice on how to deal with my jealousy issue is appreciated.

[dnm1010]

after being with him for 2 years, why wont you guys go out in the open and say youre dating?

 

you are allowed to get tired of her so dont doubt that.. from what it seems, you have been taking it for quite a while.

 

you can tell her to stop talkign about him.. just be like.. hey im not interested in this.. who says you know him so well anyway? or embarass her.. ask her in front of ppl why shes so obsessed with him when its obvious hes not interested in her.. or say something like.. its obviouis shes been trying to get him for a while and tell her to give it up. this way youre not sayign anything about yourself, youre focusing on her.