Am I wrong ?

[Annama]

I am over F 40 and my partner M is 50. We were together 3 years. Spending mostly weekends together and speak over the phone a few times a week. I always wanted more of it but for him it was a perfect amount.

Passion, friendship and respect was there. I was happy but we didn't talk much about future as he was burned after rship that ended 2 years prior us.

Recently was my birthday. 3 days later he had an important project to complete for his work. He was stressed about it. Although he did ask me if I am coming over on my birthday,  I said its best he focuses on project and we can celebrate at the weekend. Cool

He called to wish me happy birthday. I did say its odd I dont see you but I get it. He didnt comment. 

Later I called him and he announced he is going to have a bite with a few friends. I was gutted as I would love to have a bite with him on my birthday. 

We argued. He explained it was meant to be quick bite. I lost signal getting to a train and he thought I dropped phone on him. So he blocked me a moment later...for 4 days. Then contacted me on Monday after my birthday was over. He did not apologise. He was sure we will just carry on as normal. I said this is it. 

He sent me 2 text messages to reconsider but I did say I couldn't go through days like the ones I just experienced. 

He accepted. 

I am gutted. So this is it. In his mind I ended cause he went to eat with his friends. I am frustrated that he doesnt get it.

Am I wrong ?

 

[stillafool]

No the only thing you did wrong was to not block him from contacting you after he blocked you.  You're well rid of him, don't ask him back.

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Annama said:

So he blocked me a moment later...for 4 days. Then contacted me on Monday after my birthday was over. I said this is it. 

He sent me 2 text messages to reconsider but I did say I couldn't go through days like the ones I just experienced. 

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately he was  coasting along in a rut and had one foot out the door at all times. It seems he wanted it to end as much as you did so staged this situation to facilitate that.

[glows]

It's okay. He can continue not getting it. He may never "get it" and it's no longer your responsibility to educate him in any way or correct any of his errors. It seems he has also had one foot out the door for quite awhile. A person doesn't usually become so evasive and thoughtless of their partner instantly. It takes some time to eventually detach and not care anymore. 

Both of you may have not been on the same page for awhile. I'm sorry to say this. 

[Annama]

Thank you for your responses. He said he couldnt deal with the massive project and its deadline and argument with me.

He also said I could call too as soon as I noticed he unblocked me . How ridiculous? 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Annama said:

Thank you for your responses. He said he couldnt deal with the massive project and its deadline and argument with me.

He also said I could call too as soon as I noticed he unblocked me . How ridiculous? 

Those are just foolish excuses.  Most people have to deal with work demands as well as a personal life.  Then he wants you to chase him.  What did he buy you for your b-day?  Well let him go he wasn't all in for you. 

[ExpatInItaly]

Be glad this is done. The relationship sounds quite one-sided, with you feeling left out and unseen. 

And his response to a dropped call is to block you for 4 days? Is he 16? 

My guess is that this is not the first time he's behaved like this. 

[Beachead]

@Annama

Quote

I am over F 40 and my partner M is 50. We were together 3 years. Spending mostly weekends together and speak over the phone a few times a week. I always wanted more of it but for him it was a perfect amount.

You did nothing wrong.  You two were together.  Ditching you on your birthday because of work, but going out to hang with friends, just puts you in a position to feel like crap.  People invested in their relationships, don't do things like this.  Blocking you because he thought you cut the call, was over the top as well.  His treatment of you might stem from the damage he's incurred from his previous relationship.   Nonetheless, you are your own person and this is it's own thing.  It's not fair to you.

You are better off.

You both wanted different things out of the relationship so it wasn't going to last. 

[Annama]

I am really gutted. He called once to ask what will happen and I did say that I no longer want to be with him. He did say he wanted to work things out but I was too upset...he didn't even apologise 

 

He texted twice to reconsider but I did say, I cant be feeling like this again. 

Few days after, I collected my belongings from his place. He was watching tv while I was packing. I left. This was the last time we saw each other.

Nearly 2 months 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

You're still better off without this man.

This relationship sounded unfulfilling and lonely. You weren't going to get anything more out of him so while it hurt to acknowledge, it's best that you're not wasting your time with someone who doesn't want a greater committment with you. 

[Annama]

He said a few times that when we will stop having petty arguments than we naturally progress.

I agreed but each time I raised any concern, he overreacted by sulking for days or massive fight that also ended us not talking for a few days.

I guess we would have never get better because these quiet days didnt help.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, Annama said:

He said a few times that when we will stop having petty arguments than we naturally progress.

Do you not see how manipulative that is?

The message there was clear: stop bringing up your needs, do this relationship on his terms, and then maybe things will be ok - for him. Not for you.

This man was never going to be the partner you want. 

[basil67]

I know I'm an outlier here.....perhaps there's something I missed?

If you really wanted to spend your birthday evening with him, why did you tell him not to worry about it?   

[Annama]

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

I know I'm an outlier here.....perhaps there's something I missed?

If you really wanted to spend your birthday evening with him, why did you tell him not to worry about it?   

Thank you Basil,  I said that because he was making comments how little time he has to prepare...not enough hours in a day etc so I thought I am not going to shrink this time further.

I wanted to give him that space. Then whe. He called to wish me happy birthday,  I said it feels odd not to see you today. He than said, we will see each other soon enough.

I didn't want to push it. Basically I wanted to be thoughtful but it didnt work as I later regret it.

So when on the afternoon he said he is going out to grab a bite with the boys, I felt offended. I was under impression he had no time to socialise. Rightly or wrongly I felt like he stretched himself for the boys but not for me.

Messed up. I agree. 

This caused an argument which lead to him blocking me for 5 days. 

I know I was wrong too. But he blocked me on my birthday. He thought I dropped phone on him and apparently he called twice more but my phone went to a voicemail. 

I was in the office located in the basement hence no signal. I walked and talked and lost him. 

Sad ending

[Annama]

11 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Do you not see how manipulative that is?

The message there was clear: stop bringing up your needs, do this relationship on his terms, and then maybe things will be ok - for him. Not for you.

This man was never going to be the partner you want. 

Thats what I thought...if I will be on my best behaviour,  I will be rewarded accordingly. 

 

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Annama said:

...if I will be on my best behaviour,  I will be rewarded accordingly. 

That's for dog obedience school, not relationships🐕

[Annama]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's for dog obedience school, not relationships🐕

He never said that literally but I think that's what was implied. He said we cant planing living together if we often arguing over petty things. 

[stillafool]

Did he have a b-day gift for you?

[AngryGromit]

On 2/15/2022 at 4:48 PM, Annama said:

 Then contacted me on Monday after my birthday was over. He did not apologies. He was sure we will just carry on as normal.

You must have been dating my Wife's Ex-boyfriend. He would start fight before every holiday break up with her, than make up after the holiday. It wasn't that he was too cheap to buy her gifts, it was so he could avoid spending time with her on holidays, he spend the time with his kids and ex-wife. It only a wonder she put up with him long as she did.  

Edited March 16, 2022 by AngryGromit

[Annama]

10 hours ago, stillafool said:

Did he have a b-day gift for you?

He was always generous with gifts. He got me a few beauty treatments. I was given week prior the birthday.

[Wiseman2]

On 3/14/2022 at 10:53 PM, Annama said:

I collected my belongings from his place. He was watching tv while I was packing. I left. 

You did the right thing ending it. Why would you even want to live with someone like that?

[Annama]

It sad he did not even try to contact me after the break up. I see on this forum that most men would reach out to their ex , even when their ex cheated etc 

He must be celebrating now.

[stillafool]

On 2/15/2022 at 4:48 PM, Annama said:

I am gutted. So this is it. In his mind I ended cause he went to eat with his friends. I am frustrated that he doesnt get it.

I think he must have been kind of wanting to end it and when you said it first you gave him the out just like you did for your b-day and then got mad at him for taking them.  Did you really mean it that it was best he focus on his work and forget about your b-day when you said it?  Or were you expecting him to put up a fuss and say no way?  He had already called you to wish you a happy b-day but you still called him later even though you had said it's best he focuses on his work.  Were you calling to check that he was working?  He does have to eat and you were the one who suggested postponing your b-day celebration until the weekend so it's not like he wasn't going to celebrate it, but you still got angry.  Plus you said he had given you a b-day gift earlier.  He probably feels you are too needy and say things you don't mean.

[Annama]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I think he must have been kind of wanting to end it and when you said it first you gave him the out just like you did for your b-day and then got mad at him for taking them.  Did you really mean it that it was best he focus on his work and forget about your b-day when you said it?  Or were you expecting him to put up a fuss and say no way?  He had already called you to wish you a happy b-day but you still called him later even though you had said it's best he focuses on his work.  Were you calling to check that he was working?  He does have to eat and you were the one who suggested postponing your b-day celebration until the weekend so it's not like he wasn't going to celebrate it, but you still got angry.  Plus you said he had given you a b-day gift earlier.  He probably feels you are too needy and say things you don't mean.

You are right on most what you listed. 

I had pure intention when I suggested few days prior my bday that he should focus. He was making tones of comments how he doesnt have time to go to toilet etc however on my actual birthday, when he called in the morning,  I said that it feels odd not to see him today ...and I hoped he will say something to come over....I didnt want to say it. He didnt take the hint. Fair enough. He said we will see soon. It was then he asked me to call him after work. I called around lunch time ( never do that) just to share I received flowers to work from friends. He then said as a side note he is going out to meet guys and eat. 

All this was wrong. I shouldn't get mad but again I felt he put effort but not for me.

I am guilty of the argument. I should say cool...see you at the weekend for our celebration. 

I didnt. 

He blocked me right there for 5 days. He said he unblocked me on Friday and I had an opportunity to call him but I didnt.

I said , you promised me that weekend so you should have called me. Besides he blocked me. I said I am not going to check wether I am blocked or unblocked.

He called on Monday evening and sounded so casually. By then my heart was broken 

He got used me calling that even on my bday he expected me to call him ...after he blocked me. 

I am sure he thinks I am needy. I am not disputing I was not. 

He probably feels massive relief.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Annama said:

He blocked me right there for 5 days. He said he unblocked me on Friday and I had an opportunity to call him but I didnt.

 

On 2/15/2022 at 4:48 PM, Annama said:

We argued. He explained it was meant to be quick bite. I lost signal getting to a train and he thought I dropped phone on him. So he blocked me a moment later...for 4 days. Then contacted me on Monday after my birthday was over. He did not apologise. He was sure we will just carry on as normal. I said this is it. 

This was childish and somewhat mean of him to do this to you.  If he knew you guys had plans for the upcoming weekend to celebrate your b-day and then not to unblock you or reach out to you on that day but to wait until Monday was wrong.   Had you broken up with him during that argument and you stated you didn't want to see him again I can understand why he did that.  Is that what you did?