How to get rid of the guilt of cheating years ago

[rose009]

So I dont know how to start this as I feel terrible and ashamed writing this for people to read. And please try to be kind as I am suffering alot at the moment, and I am trying to be a better person everyday.

The thing is I cheated on my bf of 12 years with a friend. That happened roughly 6 years ago and the guilt is still here. It comes and goes as it pleases, but this time it's pretty though. I know I did a huge mistake and I regreted it soon after. The thing is I didnt tell the whole truth to my boyfriend because I didnt want to hurt him. I told him that we only kissed and it wasnt much. At the time when I told him this he wasnt happy and needed some time to get over  it. Now after years this guilt is back and I told him that I am feeling depressed lately because of my past mistakes. He told me that the past is in the past and to let it go, and I was still young then( cheated when I was 22). I think that he suspects that there was somethig more than just kissing, otherwise I wouldnt feel so guilty. But I think that he doesnt really want to know the whole truth and wants to leave all this behind. I ofcourse too want everything to be okay,  because our relationship is good. But the guilt still haunts me. Since 6 years ago I never cheated again nor I intend to do that ever again.

So the problem is how do I get rid of this guilt? It is really bad and I am feeling depressed because of it. I also have anxiety and depression in general, maybe thats why am having dificulty letting this go. I want to tell him the whole truth but I dont want to open old wounds. Also because I think that deep down he doesnt even want to heart the truth. 

Do you think a counselor can help me with my problem? 

[stillafool]

Sweetie I think since it's been 6 years and you haven't cheated anymore, have learned your lesson you just need to forgive yourself.  I don't see the purpose of telling your bf more about your interaction with the other guy at this point as it will hurt him badly.  If he has forgiven you and asked that you let it go I think you should.

[ExpatInItaly]

Are you receiving treatment for your anxiety and depression? That can certainly amplify the feelings of guilt you’re currently struggling with. 

Understand that if you tell him the full truth, it could be the end of the relationship. Maybe that’s a risk you’re willing to take for the sake of being honest, but I’d also ask yourself this: do you still want this relationship, deep-down?

Sometimes we risk it all because we’re too afraid of confronting some hard truths. Could that be the case here? Are you maybe looking for a way out? 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, rose009 said:

Do you think a counselor can help me with my problem? 

Yes definitely see a health professional about the ruminating, guilt and depression.

Your BF is correct, the past is in the past. 

Are you unhappy in the relationship? You've been dating 12 years. Is it progressing as you hoped? 

[smackie9]

Sometimes an indiscretion makes us realize what we cherish most. I think you have punished yourself enough. 

[glows]

That would probably bother me as well, OP. I'm sorry that I have no words for this other than I would tell him the truth, end the relationship and start over. I wouldn't be able to live with that and the reason it likely continues to bother me is because I am not attracted to my partner any longer. There are elements missing in that relationship that I've shoved under the carpet for too long. I wonder if that's the case for you.

I think a counsellor can help you make a decision or learn to process your guilt better. Treatment for anxiety and depression might also help. 

[vla1120]

Yes. A therapist should help (as long as you find one who matches your needs.) You've punished yourself long enough and a therapist can help you navigate through that guilt.