macmillerpwnz Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 I am going to try to keep this as short as possible as this was a 5 year on and off relationship. I will cut to the chase to where things went wrong and skip all the good stuff as it is irrelevant to an extent, just know for the first couple years everything was honeymoon. Fast forward on to her drinking issues, she caused a lot of problems in my life with her drinking and her episodes. Cops called, threatening to ruin my life, I am always in the wrong, she does not know how to have a back and forth logical open minded conversation to solve problems, it is just always forcing me to see her side of things, does not listen when I speak, not interested in any of my goals in life but expects me to be interested in hers. Yes there were still some sweet times she will cook for me or cuddle and have netflix nights etc. All in all just not a good girlfriend, the good parts about her made me stick with her however for longer than I should have. Things got so bad she started to physically hit me and break my belongings. Still I stuck with her until eventually I started to cheat on her and explore other women without breaking up with her first and yes I know I should have just ended it instead of doing that. The love has seemed to just die down more and more over time until it got to a point we were just having sex and not even officially together yet hang out and stuff. She would have an episode or threaten my life, I would block her for a few weeks, hit her back up, have sex and hangout, have an episode and threaten my life, block her for a few weeks, hit her up and hangout to have sex, etc.. this cycle continued for quite some time. Until here recently now, she has had a big change of heart for the first time she is rejecting me and telling me she does not want to just have sex, she wants to connect emotionally as friends again first before rushing into things and that she needs space. Well this caught me by surprise so my dumb ego got in the way and started pressuring her about her feelings and how is she acting so cold all of a sudden and I started to get all lovey dovey and desperate which pushed her away further and told me im being crazy and too aggressive. I know at the end of the day we do not belong together, it does not work.. but for some reason I have this hope every time that it might be different this time and so I keep coming back to her. This time now is different with her turning me down has really destroyed my ego and caught me by surprise and it is really bothering me. I feel stupid now for being this beta guy doing all this valentines stuff and what not just to get rejected. Please somebody enlighten me why I feel this way and tell me to move on and forget about her. I think I need to hear it from other people who read my story. I cannot seem to emotionally disconnect from her. Usually I can disconnect from her pretty easy and not even think about her, but now that she is turning me down it is really messing with me. Should I just go no contact and try to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 The on/off is an addictive habit you’ll have to break. It’s a decision you make for yourself for your long term health and better well being. Break ups hurt but staying in damaging situations like this is far worse. Have courage and let go. I also think that if you care or respect her you will let go and find a way to respect her wishes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 1 hour ago, macmillerpwnz said: 5 year on and off relationship. her drinking issues, she caused a lot of problems in my life with her drinking and her episodes. Cops called, threatening to ruin my life. Sorry this is happening. Her primary relationship is with alcohol. You're just a pawn to enable it. She's a liability. You need to reflect on your own reasons for your involvement in this. There's support and help for people involved with alcoholics: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/adult-quiz/ Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 1 hour ago, macmillerpwnz said: Should I just go no contact and try to move on? Yes. There is no future here, and you know this. On top of that, I would bet she has met someone else so she's cut you off sexually now. She's headed out the door, so either way, this is going to fizzle. She's just seeing herself out before you. Kindly, I would recommend seeking some professional support to help you understand why you have stayed so long in toxic, abusive relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted February 17, 2022 Author Share Posted February 17, 2022 Usually I am the one who rejects her after she acts out and threatens my life, this time she is rejecting me saying she is tired of me rejecting her and seems to be getting tired of the back and forth. I think the part of me getting rejected hurts worse than the thought of being with her again honestly, because when I was rejecting her I did not really think about her given the fact I knew it was not good for me, until I got lonely and would go back to her hoping it would be different. I think it is the thought of being in that happy relationship again like it was in the beginning and being alone that makes me keep going in this cycle, but her rejecting me now and not letting me back in is a slap in the face and hurts real bad like I feel stupid now for reaching out to her in the first place now. How am I supposed to get over this? Just dont contact her and with time it will get easier? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 7 minutes ago, macmillerpwnz said: she acts out and threatens my life Reflect why you want this drama in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 12 minutes ago, macmillerpwnz said: Usually I am the one who rejects her after she acts out and threatens my life, this time she is rejecting me saying she is tired of me rejecting her and seems to be getting tired of the back and forth. I think the part of me getting rejected hurts worse than the thought of being with her again honestly, because when I was rejecting her I did not really think about her given the fact I knew it was not good for me, until I got lonely and would go back to her hoping it would be different. I think it is the thought of being in that happy relationship again like it was in the beginning and being alone that makes me keep going in this cycle, but her rejecting me now and not letting me back in is a slap in the face and hurts real bad like I feel stupid now for reaching out to her in the first place now. How am I supposed to get over this? Just dont contact her and with time it will get easier? Yes. Don't contact her and in time it will get easier. This will be new for you so prepare for the challenge and don't give in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 You are wondering if you should stay with someone that threatened your life? Seriously, go back and read what you wrote. The answer is clear. You have to leave her - she is an alcoholic abuser. She is a serious threat to you. You could wake up (or not) with a knife in your back. At the very least, you could get your bunny boiled (look it up if you don't get that reference). Run! Don't look back. Don't go back to her - ever! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 13 hours ago, macmillerpwnz said: Please somebody enlighten me why I feel this way and tell me to move on and forget about her. You seemed to be aware this was not a healthy relationship and that you should move on, until SHE rejected YOU. Now your ego wants to sort it out. Nope. You know there are better people for you out there. Stick a fork in this one. She has an alcohol problem, police have been involved, and she has threatened you. There is nothing here to save. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 14 hours ago, macmillerpwnz said: How am I supposed to get over this? Just dont contact her and with time it will get easier? Yes, exactly. It's going to be hard at first, but then it will be eaiser. This was never going to end well. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 14 hours ago, macmillerpwnz said: she acts out and threatens my life, Get a restraining order. This is boil-the-bunny, slash-the-tires level crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted March 15, 2022 Author Share Posted March 15, 2022 thanks for all the input everyone. I know she is toxic and not healthy but my emotions take over the logic. She reached out to me, we had intercourse and then got into an argument about me using her for intrercourse only, when I tried explaining how I feel towards her she wouldn't let me speak and controlled the conversation without me getting in a word and then proceeded to call me a narcissist. So now here I go again and going to try to do the no contact rule, I am at 8 days so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 12 hours ago, macmillerpwnz said: we had intercourse and then got into an argument about me using her for intrercourse only, Stop hooking up with her and your problems will be solved. Block her if you feel she's that crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 16 hours ago, macmillerpwnz said: thanks for all the input everyone. I know she is toxic and not healthy but my emotions take over the logic. She reached out to me, we had intercourse and then got into an argument about me using her for intrercourse only, when I tried explaining how I feel towards her she wouldn't let me speak and controlled the conversation without me getting in a word and then proceeded to call me a narcissist. So now here I go again and going to try to do the no contact rule, I am at 8 days so far. There is just too much history and resentment here. She’s resentful and I don’t believe any amount of talking will erase the way you both have treated each other. Sex seems to be the only time you’re not arguing with each other and as soon as you finish having sex you’re arguing again. If you’re lonely find other things to do. Avoid binging on alcohol yourself, drugs, or other substances that cloud your judgment. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Dude this is the classic you only want what you can’t have. Get over yourself. Really take some responsibility for your actions. You are 100% to blame for what is going on. When you get honest with yourself then you may have a chance at fixing yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Are you a drinker too? Do these arguments always occur when one or both are drinking? How often and how much alcohol is typically consumed? I'm trying to get a handle on whether this relationship is all about alcohol, or if it's somewhat tangental. And are you saying she literally tells you she's going to kill you? That's pretty far out there, even if she was drunk. I'm suspecting more than just alcohol if fueling these episodes, as you refer to them. So why do you think you've kept going back after she has threatened you like this? You know a rational person, most anyone who insists on a relationship that's healthy, would be long gone after the first such episode. Hell, people break things off for just being spoken to rudely or disrespectfully. You liked the illusion of being the one in control, but in fact you are the one who kept going back. And now that the tables are turned you're having a very different experience. Part of it may be ego, but I don't think that's all of it. I'll wait for a reply before going any further. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 Stop contact with her and stop having sex with her! nothing good will result from communicating with her. do counseling - you need help to understand why you have put up with horrible behavior from her for so long! Link to post Share on other sites
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