2022 Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 A very long term relationship we have a very healthy independence of each other but do live together. Since December we haven’t spent any quality time together (no weekends or days) just the usual mundane dinner and tv. The OH works shifts so can often be working at weekends. A rugby fanatic that seems to take up the rest of their free weekends of later (maybe just that time of year) After a recent trip they went on with friends I said I wanted more quality time together and was fed up. Their reaction was to ignore me and sign up for overtime shifts so the one weekend we would have had together they were now working. A punishment because they think I ruined their weekend by ‘giving them grief’ when they got back. Maybe it. wasn’t so bad before- their reply when I asked why! I love this person but is this someone who loves me back?! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 Your partner is avoiding you and it sounds like he or she has already checked out emotionally. Frankly there may be very little you can do as all the requests in the world to spend more time together may go nowhere. Do you have other disagreements? Why did you both decide to live together? Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 If they were angry that you "ruined" their weekend by giving them grief when they returned, then work together to set aside some time to discuss these issues and decide whether the two of you want to continue this relationship, or if it's time to move on from one another. Hopefully, they will be open to a discussion since one of you is unhappy. You said you live fairly independent lives. Does that mean you already have your own friends and hobbies that occupy at least some of your time? If not, I would start spending a little more time with friends to fill your time when they are working so many hours. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 4 hours ago, 2022 said: do live together. Since December we haven’t spent any quality time together. Is he having affairs? Is that what "trip with friends" and "extra shifts" means? How were things before Dec? He seems completely checked out and costing along in a relationship of convenience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 (edited) If you feel a relationship is genuinely not meeting your needs it's time to either figure out ways to improve it so that it's good for both of you again or consider walking away. Improving it will typically require change/action from the partner as well as from you. What would make him want to spend that weekend with you instead of with the rugby folks? One doesn't just demand more quality time and then scold when it's not received, one figures out ways to make the time together "quality" for both... Edited February 18, 2022 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
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