Think she will come back?

[Thomas borges]

I’ve been seeing a girl from work intimately for three months. She had a boyfriend for a month before we started dating. It has gotten to where she is the one to reach out to me every time we hang out. She gave me gifts for Valentine’s Day, and tells me she would rather see me than her boyfriend. She is red faced and nervous every time I talk to her. After she gave me the elaborate Valentine’s Day gifts telling me her life would suck without me, I broke things off with her. I told her if she finds herself single or openly dating I’d love to continue seeing her. She replied with a stoic “it’s ok” which I know is bs. She still comes to see me at work red faced and nervous in my presence. I’m just going to hang back and see other girls while my attachment for her fades as I don’t want to get hurt or chase her. Thoughts on if she will come back?

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, Thomas borges said:

She had a boyfriend for a month before we started dating. I broke things off with her. I told her if she finds herself single or openly dating I’d love to continue seeing her. 

You made the right call. She's a cheater. You dodged a bullet. Don't hope for her back. What she did to him, she'll do to you.

[ExpatInItaly]

48 minutes ago, Thomas borges said:

Thoughts on if she will come back?

Come back...to what, exactly? She wasn't yours to begin with. 

You did the right thing cutting her off . People like her are best avoided, since she showed you loud and clear she has poor morals and crappy boundaries in relationships. 

[Thomas borges]

56 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You made the right call. She's a cheater. You dodged a bullet. Don't hope for her back. What she did to him, she'll do to you.

That’s why I dumped her, my gut knows it’s true. She was trying so hard to get me attached so I bailed before it fully happened. 

[Thomas borges]

49 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Come back...to what, exactly? She wasn't yours to begin with. 

You did the right thing cutting her off . People like her are best avoided, since she showed you loud and clear she has poor morals and crappy boundaries in relationships. 

This is all true, she wanted me to believe I had a chance but talk is quite cheap. I swear she just wanted me to get attached so she had another person to push around. I played really hard to get, so it was a challenge for her to keep me around as long as she did. 

[ExpatInItaly]

11 minutes ago, Thomas borges said:

 I played really hard to get, so it was a challenge for her to keep me around as long as she did. 

In the end, these games are compeletly pointless with someone who isn't single. 

It might have stroked your ego for a little while but you can see it ultimately didn't work.  She's still choosing her boyfriend over you. 

[Alpacalia]

Don't date women with boyfriends.

If she cheats on her boyfriend with you, she'll most likely cheat on you too.

I also forgot to add, you shouldn't be dating people that you know are in relationships either.

Edited February 18, 2022 by Alpaca

[Thomas borges]

57 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Don't date women with boyfriends.

If she cheats on her boyfriend with you, she'll most likely cheat on you too.

I also forgot to add, you shouldn't be dating people that you know are in relationships either.

Yeah I knew it was a bad idea in my gut, from the moment she told me about him. I won’t do that to myself again.

[chillii]

Don't even need gut for that one my friend it's a no brainer common sense, You've just been an entertainment option for the other guy and he's just being one for you . Why would you even want a woman like that back.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Thomas borges said:

Yeah I knew it was a bad idea in my gut, from the moment she told me about him. I won’t do that to myself again.

Why are you so concerned about whether or not she returns?

I'd think you'd be hoping she didn't come back.

Come on, man.

Next thing you know she'll justify it by saying "but we're in an open relationship."

Edited February 19, 2022 by Alpaca

[poppyfields]

4 hours ago, Thomas borges said:

She is red faced and nervous every time I talk to her.

Lol, I found this funny.  Apparently she must be quite attracted to you despite the boyfriend.

I can relate!  I blush and become very nervous also when in the presence of a man I'm attracted to.  

Anyway, yes she's a cheater and will do same to you.  I'd put money on it. 

My take on this is she was waiting for you to become a sure thing before she dumped the boyfriend.  She's one of those chick's who can never be alone, always has to have someone. 

But the blushing and nervousness is a dead giveaway that she's attracted, a woman cannot fake that, especially the blushing.

You definitely did the right thing though.  

Edited February 19, 2022 by poppyfields

[Lotsgoingon]

Stay away from her for a few months, and you won't  want her to come back. Let your intoxication die down and you won't want to date her--even if she's free. 

BTW: people don't just get out of a relationship and move right into another. Some people do that, but when most people jump from relationship to relationship without a break, the person is still processing the previous relationship. 

[Thomas borges]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Lol, I found this funny.  Apparently she must be quite attracted to you despite the boyfriend.

I can relate!  I blush and become very nervous also when in the presence of a man I'm attracted to.  

Anyway, yes she's a cheater and will do same to you.  I'd put money on it. 

My take on this is she was waiting for you to become a sure thing before she dumped the boyfriend.  She's one of those chick's who can never be alone, always has to have someone. 

But the blushing and nervousness is a dead giveaway that she's attracted, a woman cannot fake that, especially the blushing.

You definitely did the right thing though.  

That’s why I’m a little bummed to see her go, the genuine attraction was nice. She was submissive, playful, and feminine. Minimal s*** testing and paid half or all on our dates. 
Though I know it’s fleeting I got attached to that red face reaction I get from her anytime we interact. 
I still enjoy it when she comes to ask me pointless questions at work so I can ask her why she’s blushing. Just to hear her say “you do that to me” as she stares and walks off. We have a primal thing. But yeah I love myself and feel bad for her guy so bye.
 

 

[Alpacalia]

39 minutes ago, Thomas borges said:

That’s why I’m a little bummed to see her go, the genuine attraction was nice. She was submissive, playful, and feminine. Minimal s*** testing and paid half or all on our dates. 
Though I know it’s fleeting I got attached to that red face reaction I get from her anytime we interact. 
I still enjoy it when she comes to ask me pointless questions at work so I can ask her why she’s blushing. Just to hear her say “you do that to me” as she stares and walks off. We have a primal thing. But yeah I love myself and feel bad for her guy so bye.
 

 

.....women buy blush to make it appear as if they are blushing.....

Edited February 19, 2022 by Alpaca

[BaileyB]

8 hours ago, Thomas borges said:

I’ve been seeing a girl from work intimately for three months. She had a boyfriend for a month before we started dating. It has gotten to where she is the one to reach out to me every time we hang out. She gave me gifts for Valentine’s Day, and tells me she would rather see me than her boyfriend. She is red faced and nervous every time I talk to her. After she gave me the elaborate Valentine’s Day gifts telling me her life would suck without me, I broke things off with her. I told her if she finds herself single or openly dating I’d love to continue seeing her. She replied with a stoic “it’s ok” which I know is bs. She still comes to see me at work red faced and nervous in my presence. I’m just going to hang back and see other girls while my attachment for her fades as I don’t want to get hurt or chase her. Thoughts on if she will come back?

Does he know about you? Are they exclusively dating or is he aware that she is multi-dating? 

Lots of people multi-date early in a relationship, when they are unsure about the relationship. No big deal, but at some point she needs to make a decision.  If she really wanted to be with you, there is nothing stopping her from dumping the other guy to be with you. My parents did it - they were both dating other people when they met. The day after they met, they ditched the people they were dating and the rest is history - 

If that’s not what she’s doing, she is obviously choosing to stay with him. In that case, her words to you are meaningless. The Valentine’s gift is fine, but what does it mean if she is not your girlfriend? I think you are right to remove yourself from this situation - she needs to make a decision and I would use this time to think about whether I really want to date a woman who can pursue a man while in a relationship with another. That’s just not someone I would trust myself - 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Thomas borges said:

 Minimal s*** testing and paid half or all on our dates. 

This actually made me laugh, for the wrong reason. This whole entire affair is one long s**t-test to her. And you went right along with it. She wanted you as a distraction and some side-fun, but evidently nothing more than that. She's been toying with you all along. 

This is a cheater you're talking about. Not exactly a woman of high quality. You might have felt like The Man knowing she was attracted to you, but once you take that out of the equation...you've got a person of poor character here. 

 

 

[Thomas borges]

7 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Does he know about you? Are they exclusively dating or is he aware that she is multi-dating? 

Lots of people multi-date early in a relationship, when they are unsure about the relationship. No big deal, but at some point she needs to make a decision.  If she really wanted to be with you, there is nothing stopping her from dumping the other guy to be with you. My parents did it - they were both dating other people when they met. The day after they met, they ditched the people they were dating and the rest is history - 

If that’s not what she’s doing, she is obviously choosing to stay with him. In that case, her words to you are meaningless. The Valentine’s gift is fine, but what does it mean if she is not your girlfriend? I think you are right to remove yourself from this situation - she needs to make a decision and I would use this time to think about whether I really want to date a woman who can pursue a man while in a relationship with another. That’s just not someone I would trust myself - 

 

That’s the problem I have with the scenario, he has no idea about me. And she is claiming she’s in a relationship to her friends and family, while heavily pursuing me.
I’m dating several women, and not interested in monogamy right now. I never wanted her to be my girlfriend, I was interested in what you refer to as multi dating. Being transparent with the other people we are seeing. And going on a date once maybe twice a week max.

I agree, I don’t trust her, never did. I did however have a lot of effortless fun when we would get together. I’d never take her as a girlfriend, merely a source of dating fun. 

 

[Thomas borges]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This actually made me laugh, for the wrong reason. This whole entire affair is one long s**t-test to her. And you went right along with it. She wanted you as a distraction and some side-fun, but evidently nothing more than that. She's been toying with you all along. 

This is a cheater you're talking about. Not exactly a woman of high quality. You might have felt like The Man knowing she was attracted to you, but once you take that out of the equation...you've got a person of poor character here. 

 

 

Glad you got a chuckle, but it was quite the contrary, I never wanted anything from her other than dates, fun, and sex. She knew this and still chased me heavily as a result. She went right along with every boundary I set. As soon as she started in with the attachment lovey dovey talk I bailed. I knew the situation I was in, and called her on it every time it came up. 
She may have been trying to test what she could get, but the dynamic always revolved around her crumpling under my dominance. And going right along with my agenda, which never included me pressuring her into anything. let alone dumping her boyfriend. I appreciate you commenting, but you’re way off the mark

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Thomas borges said:

 I was interested in what you refer to as multi dating. 

Then don't worry about if she will come back. You seem to have plenty of better options.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Thomas borges said:

That’s the problem I have with the scenario, he has no idea about me. And she is claiming she’s in a relationship to her friends and family, while heavily pursuing me.
I’m dating several women, and not interested in monogamy right now. I never wanted her to be my girlfriend, I was interested in what you refer to as multi dating. Being transparent with the other people we are seeing. And going on a date once maybe twice a week max.

I agree, I don’t trust her, never did. I did however have a lot of effortless fun when we would get together. I’d never take her as a girlfriend, merely a source of dating fun. 

 

You seem to have enough on your plate as it is, so you shouldn't need another woman to spice up your dating life.

Next!

[elaine567]

I think she likes you, is attracted to you but not enough to ditch her boyfriend for you. You tried to make her decide between the two of you but when you broke it off she just said ok. Which tells you exactly where you stand. She will maybe come back but only on her terms. 

Cheaters tend to tell each side what they want to hear so put little store on her being in love with you. 

You put her on the spot and she chose him. Best to move on and forget her. Yes what you cannot have becomes more desirable, but give your head  shake and chose the sensible path.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Thomas borges said:

I appreciate you commenting, but you’re way off the mark

I don't think so. Here's why:

You say you never wanted anything more, but at the same time, you're also here asking if she'll come back. It sounds to me like you're not being honest with yourself about what you want from her, and you're tyring to reframe the narrative with you being the Alpha who never really wanted her anyway. It doesn't ring true. 

I think if you are being more honest with yourself, you care a lot more about her than you're willing to admit to yourself. And you're more hurt by her choice not to make herself single than you let on. 

 

 

[glows]

She’s not openly poly or non-monogamous so that poses some ethical issues in regards to her current relationship. I think your ego is hurt that she didn’t choose you or dump him or do something more about your relationship with her. She just presented a red face and two words “it’s ok”. 

Carry on dating other women who are non-monogamous like you or want to date casually. This one was just toying with you and possibly in it for the secretive nature of your affair. It’s very different from poly or non-monogamous.

[Beachead]

OP, you can't start a thread entitled "Think she'll come back?" and front like you don't care.   You care.  There's nothing wrong with that.  Just don't lie to yourself.

I don't buy her "Shy" act.   She knows what attracts guys and she's making full use of it to catch your eye and test your resolve. Just think about her boyfriend, unsuspectingly believing he has as future with her, while she is going behind his back and wasting all his effort, energy and time.  I wonder what kind of lies she tells him when they're alone together.  He may never find out.  If he ever does, he'll have trust issues in relationships for a long time to come.   The girl is terrible.  

If you get together with her, you'll spend the entirety of that relationship wondering if she'd be going behind your back as well. 

No point of even entertaining what she wants, what she's thinking etc. because it's all manipulation.  Just do everything to stay away from her.

 

Edited February 19, 2022 by Beachead

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, Beachead said:

 I don't buy her "Shy" act.   She knows what attracts guys and she's making full use of it to catch your eye and test your resolve

Exactly.