MrWobblyTickle Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Hey all, Just some quick background. I have known my friend for 24 years. He is one of my best friends. My friend met his girlfriend online and they have been together 9 years. She moved down from the north 9 years ago to live with him and his family because she doesn't like her family and now she has convinced him to move to the north of the UK. They are moving for financial reasons and because her family and friends are up there. I will be honest. I have never liked her. I find her annoying and I know it seems petty but her accent is offensive to my ears. It gives me a headache. The way she treats my friend is my issue with her. She is a control freak and only seems to interact with him when it suits her. For example she makes him sit in another room to play video games. She also seems to only want to be affectionate with him when it suits her. I spent two weeks with him recently where he and his girlfriend currently live. We were sat in the living room playing video games together and his phone would constantly go off. It was her texting him while she was in the bedroom saying things like "Hungry." "Make me a brew" (Northern for a cup of tea). He would then sigh and make her some food or a drink. She sent him down the shop multiple times as well while I was there. She has legs so I don't get why she makes him do it. It comes across as lazy and her having a lack of respect for him. Also she would randomly get him to go into the bedroom and then kick him out again after 5 or 10 minutes. The main reason I don't like her is because a couple of years ago she cheated on him. She got a job and then went out with two male work colleagues. After lots of drinking she went into the woods with one of them and performed oral sex on them. He only found out because she left her Facebook open and he saw messages between her and this guy. He was devastated and so angry. I remember being there for him and he also told me that prior to this he found messages from a few years before where she was arranging to go back up north and meet someone in a carpark for sex. Apparently it didn't happen but she still made plans for it. I remember him blaming her work colleagues for getting her drunk on purpose and making her do it. I honestly believe she knew something would happen and wanted it to. He almost got rid of her and then she started buying him gifts and being extra sickly sweet to him and then she was back again. I also remember a few months after this he was depressed and she messaged me saying I am suppose to be his friend and should be there for him. No doubt in my mind she caused that depression. She pestered him into getting kittens recently and has been on the phone crying to his mum because they are too much for her to handle. She also won't let them in the bedroom most the time and only interacts with them when she can be bothered. She makes him do most of chores as well from what I could see when I was visiting. They are trying for a baby as well. She can't handle kittens how the hell is she going to handle a baby?! I have heard she cries randomly as well. If she gets hungry she cries and she is in her mid twenties. Erm go to the kitchen and make something maybe? I am so worried that she will treat him worse once they have moved. That she will isolate him and control him even more. That the responsibility of the baby will all fall on him. That she will treat him as a servant for ever more. He has low confidence and self esteem but is a good looking guy and she isn't attractive but has this power over him and just gets him to do everything for her. They are moving in March and it is all going ahead. I really don't want him to go as I can see his life being hell with her and I have known him most of my life and this is devastating for me. I just want him to be happy and this relationship seems to be doing that but the way she treats him is awful. She treats him like a slave and seems to have little to no respect. I can't stop him from going and I know if I say anything bad about her he will defend her and get annoyed with me. I don't know what to do. I am scared for him but he seems to be happy to move with her and start a family. I am worried she will get worse and even cheat on him again. As far as I am aware she hasn't done it again or is just better at hiding it now. Thank you for talking the time to read this. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 They have been together for 9 years and as much as you dislike her, he's into her and building a life with her. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 It sounds like you’re venting and that’s all you can do including being there for him or a good friend should things fall through. You seem like a good friend but take care of your own mental health and take a step back when you feel too frustrated. If it means not staying in as close contact and developing your own boundaries then do so. Don’t fixate on your friend’s choices or take sides in their relationship issues. It’s sad to watch but stay focused on your own life. You may find inevitably that your paths diverge and you have less and less in common. This is part of growing. If he reaches out to you in the future or needs help getting out of this, be there. In the meantime you have your own life to live. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 You are way, WAY too invested and wrapped up in your friend's life. You "don't know what to do"? You do nothing, because it's HIS life and not your life. It's not your place to "do" anything here. He's a grown up and he can make his own decisions. You literally have no control over this situation and so you shouldn't be worrying about it. Since you can't stand his wife, stop going over to his house and only hang out with your friend if the wife won't be around. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Frankly it doesn't matter if you like her or not. He's in love with her and is going to move where she wants because he wants to be with her. Simple as that. It doesn't matter to them what you think and actually you should stay out of it and keep quiet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 People have to make their own lives and their own mistakes @MrWobblyTickle however obvious it looks from afar. You will miss your friend so it's a good plan to line up activities and keep yourself occupied for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Best way to lose a friend is trash their partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrWobblyTickle Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 Thank you for all the replies. I feel some of them have only read the first couple of paragraphs and not read about how she treats him. Also I understand people here have no investment in this because it isn't their friend. I understand it is out of my control and I was just using this as a place to vent. I haven't said anything to him in regards to what I really think about her. One out of respect for him because this friendship spans most of my life and is important to me and two I know it would not go down well and may strengthen his resolve towards her and cause a rift in the friendship. I am just worried that once they move away she will treat him worse than she already does. She makes him do everything for her and I feel she is a control freak. She already makes him sit in a different room from her. She wants a baby with him as well and I just feel sorry for him. I can see his life being an absolute hell with her. Time will tell and I hope I am proven wrong. Thank you again for the replies. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts