My boyfriend will NOT block his ex for some reason even though she harasses him DAILY!

[Jennymato29]

I’ve been with my boyfriend a couple of months now. He has known his ex for 7 years. He always told me they never got along and argue ALL OF THE TIME, that she’s really feisty and really jealous. They definitely have open wounds between them.  Apparently his family disrespected her and used her for her money and he refuses to acknowledge or have the conversation about it. He literally cowers away even when I try to talk to him about it. His mother hates her so he  won’t stand up to his mother even though from what I’ve been told his mother was wrong in the situation.

He and His ex are friends on Facebook. They talk daily. She yells at him and verbally abuses him because he will not apologize for the conflict with his mother or have the conversation. He tells her over and over don’t message him. He could EASILY block her but he hasn’t. I saw their conversation from his iPad last night and she pretty much told him she’s just gonna accept he’s never going to be remorseful that she’ll never respect him. So she wants to agree to never speak or see him again. At first he just said “please leave me alone”. So she said, “I just need to the agreement for myself, for relief. Please just say yes for me”

and he said “yea” Her response “Thank you ❤️“

His response”please don’t message me anymore. Have a good night”

her:”I’m not going to I promise. I just wanted to hear that for a verbal agreement to have you permanently out of my life. You can block me if you want to I don’t care. I’m not gonna speak to you again no worries”

and guess what. He STILL did not block her.

i confronted him and he says “I don’t block people” which is a lie. A complete lie. I’ve seen him immediately block people. Why won’t he block her!? Do I have a right to be bothered by her? She’se gorgeous by the way lol and sometimes I see him watching her stories

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I’ve been with my boyfriend a couple of months now. and guess what. He STILL did not block her

Sorry this is happening. 60 days dating is to get to know each other and have fun dating.

So far it's nothing but him defending his ex and their ongoing relationship.

Cut your losses. He's still way too involved with her.

It's not your responsibility to tell people who they can or can't talk to. Or who they have on their social media.

It's your responsibility to take care of yourself and walk away from this many red flags.

[Jennymato29]

44 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. 60 days dating is to get to know each other and have fun dating.

So far it's nothing but him defending his ex and their ongoing relationship.

Cut your losses. He's still way too involved with her.

It's not your responsibility to tell people who they can or can't talk to. Or who they have on their social media.

It's your responsibility to take care of yourself and walk away from this many red flags.

Hi! So even though they agreed to never speak, you agree that he hasn’t blocked her because he doesn’t want to block her right? Also they never are nice to each other. She tells him everyday that she hates an despises him and he tells her to leave him alone or that he won’t have the conversation. It’s WEIRD

Edited February 22, 2022 by Jennymato29

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

 he hasn’t blocked her because he doesn’t want to block her right?

He doesn't want to or have to block her. 

They are still very much involved. You need to step out of this triangle rather than make jealous demands.

Unfortunately, it seems like you are a pawn to make her want him back.

Leave them to their crazy on/off situation

 Get out of the crossfire of their relationship. 

Cut your losses. It's 60 days of nothing but headaches and arguments.

[Jennymato29]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He doesn't want to or have to block her. 

Leave them to their crazy on/off situation

 

I agree with you man I’m about ready to tell him just go to her you both are head over heels! And I feel like he won’t date her only because of his mom but he won’t let her go either. I told him if someone told me everyday that they hated me, I’d block them. He said and she mentioned in one their messages that they haven’t seen each other in over a year. So I’m like what’s keeping you guys so connected! Just leave each other alone!

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

 I told him if someone told me everyday that they hated me, I’d block them. 

Ok. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Way too much drama. 

[ExpatInItaly]

There is no way I would continue seeing this guy. 

Way too much drama and it’s very clear they aren’t over each other. 

Don’t waste any more of your time, OP.

[Jennymato29]

39 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

There is no way I would continue seeing this guy. 

Way too much drama and it’s very clear they aren’t over each other. 

Don’t waste any more of your time, OP.

Even though they never have friendly interactions though? It’s almost like he doesn’t talk to her but let’s her abuse him

[introverted1]

11 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

Even though they never have friendly interactions though? It’s almost like he doesn’t talk to her but let’s her abuse him

You know how there's a saying that there's no such thing as bad publicity?  Well, in your bf's case, there's no such thing as bad contact. Sure, he and his ex fight daily, but he nonetheless has contact daily, and that seems to be what's important to both of them.  People who don't want to talk to each other just don't.  They don't badger each other to come to an agreement not to talk!

Sounds like your bf is still hung up on his ex and the only reason he's not dating her is because he can't stand up to his mom, who opposes it.  Whatever the reason(s), unless you want to be part of the dysfunction, better to accept now that your bf is emotionally entangled elsewhere. Doesn't matter if that entanglement is healthy or not; your bf hasn't separated from his ex and, as a resupply, isn't truly available to you.

[Jennymato29]

1 minute ago, introverted1 said:

You know how there's a saying that there's no such thing as bad publicity?  Well, in your bf's case, there's no such thing as bad contact. Sure, he and his ex fight daily, but he nonetheless has contact daily, and that seems to be what's important to both of them.  People who don't want to talk to each other just don't.  They don't badger each other to come to an agreement not to talk!

Sounds like your bf is still hung up on his ex and the only reason he's not dating her is because he can't stand up to his mom, who opposes it.  Whatever the reason(s), unless you want to be part of the dysfunction, better to accept now that your bf is emotionally entangled elsewhere. Doesn't matter if that entanglement is healthy or not; your bf hasn't separated from his ex and, as a resupply, isn't truly available to you.

Does it matter that he never initiates the contact. She always does. Messages him daily to say she hates him pretty much for what he did to her

[introverted1]

7 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

Does it matter that he never initiates the contact. She always does. Messages him daily to say she hates him pretty much for what he did to her

No.  He engages with her, doesn't matter who initiates.  Plus, since she always initiates, you have no idea what he'd do if she didn't initiate.  He might very well pick up the slack.

[Jennymato29]

2 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

No.  He engages with her, doesn't matter who initiates. 

it just sucks cause I saw for myself all of his responses are “leave me alone” “please don’t message me” it just doesn’t make sense 

[introverted1]

5 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

it just sucks cause I saw for myself all of his responses are “leave me alone” “please don’t message me” it just doesn’t make sense 

If he wanted to be left alone he'd ignore her at a minimum.  Continuing to engage is to continue to engage.  And, as you point out, he could also easily block her, and yet he has chosen not to.

[Jennymato29]

1 minute ago, introverted1 said:

If he wanted to be left alone he'd ignore her at a minimum.  

From what I saw he ignores her until she says something really disrespectful or she will not stop messaging him. She sends him paragraph after paragraph about how she’ll never forgive him. He’ll say eventually “you need help” or “please leave me alone”. So it looks one sided but then even when she told him “you can block me I don’t care” he DIDNT. And as I’m reading you guys advice I’m confronting him and he’s saying. “She’s crazy and needs help. I don’t have feelings for her” 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I saw for myself all of his responses are “leave me alone” “please don’t message me” it just doesn’t make sense 

Delete and block him and her from ALL your social media and messaging apps. That way what they are doing won't aggravate you this much. 

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

She’se gorgeous by the way lol and sometimes I see him watching her stories

This is why he won't block her.  Men are suckers for gorgeous women.  He still wants her around.

[introverted1]

41 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

From what I saw he ignores her until she says something really disrespectful or she will not stop messaging him. She sends him paragraph after paragraph about how she’ll never forgive him. He’ll say eventually “you need help” or “please leave me alone”. So it looks one sided but then even when she told him “you can block me I don’t care” he DIDNT. And as I’m reading you guys advice I’m confronting him and he’s saying. “She’s crazy and needs help. I don’t have feelings for her” 

Ok, so best case hypothesis is that he feels guilty for how things went down (possibly because his mom was in the wrong) and now feels like he "can't" shut her down. He's still being drawn in emotionally. Where does this leave you?  You've got a bf who feels guilty over his mother's treatment of his ex and is allowing himself to be punished by his ex for whatever it was his family did. This still doesn't put him in a position to move forward with you. It sounds to me that he also needs help, if this has been going on for a year and he can't extricate himself.  Even if he no longer wants to be with the ex but instead feels he deserves this punishment from her, it doesn't put him in an emotionally healthy place for a relationship with you.

[glows]

I’m left wondering what you find attractive about this individual. He has loose ends untied and seems irresponsible. What a waste of time and space. Doesn’t he have more important things to do than associate with something or someone as hateful and negative on social media? Your boyfriend is the issue. 

I’m genuinely curious what you find attractive about this man. 

[Jennymato29]

19 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

 Even if he no longer wants to be with the ex but instead feels he deserves this punishment from her, 

Why not just apologize? That’s what she said she’s mad about because he hasn’t apologized lol.  Wouldn’t you just say sorry so she’ll leave you alone?

[Jennymato29]

15 minutes ago, glows said:

I’m left wondering what you find attractive about this individual. He has loose ends untied and seems irresponsible. What a waste of time and space. Doesn’t he have more important things to do than associate with something or someone as hateful and negative on social media? Your boyfriend is the issue. 

I’m genuinely curious what you find attractive about this man. 

Doesn’t SHE have better things to do though?

[Jennymato29]

24 minutes ago, stillafool said:

This is why he won't block her.  Men are suckers for gorgeous women.  He still wants her around.

She’s not around tho. They both said they haven’t seen eachother in over a year and her message I snuck and read last night she said “I’ll never be kind to you again because of what you did to me because there’s no remorse” 

Edited February 22, 2022 by Jennymato29

[glows]

3 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

Doesn’t SHE have better things to do though?

Yes. But who cares what she does. You aren’t dating her.

[stillafool]

18 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

She’s not around tho. They both said they haven’t seen eachother in over a year and her message I snuck and read last night she said “I’ll never be kind to you again because of what you did to me because there’s no remorse” 

She may not be physcially around but she is hanging around talking to him daily according to you.  It would be too easy for him to make her stop but he doesn't.  

22 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

Wouldn’t you just say sorry so she’ll leave you alone?

Yes, most people would.  He doesn't because he doesn't want her to leave him alone.

[Jennymato29]

6 minutes ago, stillafool said:

.  

Yes, most people would.  He doesn't because he doesn't want her to leave him alone.

Be honest, I’m dealing with a “you secretly love her” aren’t I? 

[smackie9]

Deal breaker, just walk away.