My boyfriend will NOT block his ex for some reason even though she harasses him DAILY!

[Jennymato29]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Did you ask him why the HECK he is showing you text messages from his ex telling him she wants to have sex with him?  That would be my first question.

I would be furious but NOT at her.

At HIM for having the insensitivity and disrespect to show me her messages in the first place and for not blocking her or otherwise getting rid of her.

Clearly, he is attempting to get a reaction from you, and that is just plain MEAN.

He said to show me me SHE won’t leave him alone and that he is not responding to her 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

I’ve been with my boyfriend a couple of months now He and His ex are friends on Facebook. They talk daily. d sometimes I see him watching her stories

How often do you date/see each other in person? Is he sending you screen shots or sitting b next to you pointing out their sexting?

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

He said to show me me SHE won’t leave him alone and that he is not responding to her 

What a mess.

Jenny, the only reason she continues to text him is because HE allows it.  Please trust me on this, no woman would continue texting, suggesting sex, if the man wasn't in some way encouraging her.

Even if it's to say "don't contact me again."  Like I said, it keeps their connection alive.  Not hers, not his but THEIR connection.

I think there's more he's not showing you (from him), but in any event, this man is being so disrespectful to you, not to mention uncaring, I am at a loss to understand why you wish to remain with him.

Edited February 22, 2022 by poppyfields

[Jennymato29]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

What a mess.

Jenny, the only reason she continues to text him is because HE allows it.  Please trust me on this, no woman would continue texting, suggesting sex, if the man wasn't in some way encouraging her.

Even if it's to say "don't contact me again."  Like I said, it keeps their connection alive.  Not hers, not his but THEIR connection.

I think there's more he's not showing you, but in any event, this man is being so disrespectful to you, not to mention uncaring, I am at a loss to understand why you wish to remain with him.

So my mom said the only reason he isn’t responding today is because of their little argument yesterday and I’m an outsider to their little fighting 😞

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

So my mom said I’m an outsider 

Believe her.

[introverted1]

OP, are you and your bf very young?  In high school, perhaps? 

[Jennymato29]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Believe her.

So he’s only ignoring her because of her tantrum yesterday? Ugh 😞

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

So he’s only ignoring her because of her tantrum yesterday? Ugh 😞

I doubt he will ignore her.  He will respond he just won't show you those messages.  Or he will delete so you cannot see should you choose to check on your own.  You see only what he allows you to see, what he wants you to see.

Your mom said you are an outsider to their fighting, it sounds to me like you are an outsider to their "relationship."

They may not be seeing each other physically, but they are still very much involved, very much in a relationship (two people relating).

A toxic one, but a relationship nevertheless.

I hope very soon you will have the strength to extricate yourself from this toxic mess.

All the best moving forward, hopefully without him.

 

Edited February 22, 2022 by poppyfields

[lana-banana]

This is one of those cases where age matters a lot. The involvement of parents here makes me think you are all really young. Are you guys under 21? 

I can give you one universal piece of advice: don't put in more effort than you get in exchange. If he can't put you first, why are you doing the same for him?

[Jennymato29]

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I doubt he will ignore her.  He will respond he just won't show you those messages.  Or he will delete so you cannot see should you choose to check on your own.  You see only what he allows you to see, what he wants you to see.

Your mom said you are an outsider to their fighting, it sounds to me like you are an outsider to their "relationship."

They may not be seeing each other physically, but they are still very much involved, very much in a relationship (two people relating).

A toxic one, but a relationship nevertheless.

I hope very soon you will have the strength to extricate yourself from this toxic mess.

All the best moving forward, hopefully without him.

 

I’ve been checking his messages now without him knowing. He hasn’t responded lol

[Jennymato29]

15 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I doubt he will ignore her.  He will respond he just won't show you those messages.  Or he will delete so you cannot see should you choose to check on your own.  You see only what he allows you to see, what he wants you to see.

Your mom said you are an outsider to their fighting, it sounds to me like you are an outsider to their "relationship."

They may not be seeing each other physically, but they are still very much involved, very much in a relationship (two people relating).

A toxic one, but a relationship nevertheless.

I hope very soon you will have the strength to extricate yourself from this toxic mess.

All the best moving forward, hopefully without him.

 

If he never responds….. that’s still not good is it?

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I’ve been checking his messages now without him knowing. He hasn’t responded lol

Or as I said, he may be responding but he suspects you're checking and deleting the messages he doesn't want you to see.

Something to consider, he doesn't seem like a very nice man or very respectful, to either of you!

Edited February 22, 2022 by poppyfields

[Jennymato29]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Or as I said, he may be responding but he suspects you're checking and deleting the messages he doesn't want you to see.

Something to consider, he doesn't seem like a very nice man or very respectful, to either of you!

Hypothetically speaking if he isn’t responding, that’s still bad right ?

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

If he never responds….. that’s still not good is it?

Again, he IS most likely responding, but deleting.  As I said, I very highly doubt she would continue to text the way she does, suggesting sex, if he wasn't encouraging her in some form or fashion.

Please don't kid yourself Jenny, he is LOVING this.  This little triangle he has created between him, you and his ex.

I really wish you could recognize this for what it is (a toxic mess) but if you don't have much experience with it, I can understand why you cannot.

It will play out, you will get hurt and then you will learn.

That's how I learned, by making mistakes (or lord knows I made plenty) and learning from them.

 

[Jennymato29]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Again, he IS most likely responding, but deleting.  As I said, I very highly doubt she would continue to text the way she does, suggesting sex, if he wasn't encouraging her in some form or fashion.

Please don't kid yourself Jenny, he is LOVING this.  This little triangle he has created between him, you and his ex.

I really wish you could recognize this for what it is (a toxic mess) but if you don't have much experience with it, I can understand why you cannot.

It will play out, you will get hurt and then you will learn.

That's how I learned, by making mistakes (or lord knows I made plenty) and learning from them.

 

You refuse to answer the question. About him responding today. You seem to think there’s no chance he’s really not responding to her advances today

[introverted1]

Your bf seems to have a preference for tenaciously dogmatic women.

Rather than argue with us, perhaps you should assess what brought you here in the first place and whether you want to be in the middle of the ongoing drama between your bf and his so-called ex.  If yes, then carry on.  If no, then get out.  There are other guys to date. 

[Jennymato29]

I’ve been with him the whole time she’s messaging ):. Hasn’t responded to her. Hasn’t blocked. Hasn’t unfriended. Just ignored 

[lana-banana]

How are you able to see his messages without his knowledge?

[Jennymato29]

11 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

How are you able to see his messages without his knowledge?

His iPad lol 

[NuevoYorko]

This is a package deal.  You want him, you get his relationship with the ex as a bonus.  

You have nothing to say or do with it; either accept it with whatever grace you can (not advising this route) or move on.  

 

[lana-banana]

2 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

His iPad lol 

And you're how old? Not trying to pry, but it really is relevant to any advice I might want to offer.

Also, stop reading his messages. Even if he's logged in on his device, it's technically unauthorized account access, and more to the point it's a gross invasion of privacy. Real relationships don't involve that type of behavior.

[Beachead]

OP,

Quote

He and His ex are friends on Facebook. They talk daily.

What you choose to do is up to you but I'll tell you, this is a problem.  

You two should be building your own relationship together but your boyfriend is stuck in the past and it's preventing you two from progressing. 

It doesn't matter whether she's the one doing the messaging.  It doesn't matter whether they are flirting or fighting.   And putting aside the debate of whether they are still into eachother or not, the problem is they are still very much involved and he's not cutting it off.  Now his ex is a part of YOUR conversations.  You two have even fought about her.  But most notably, you started this thread because you are concerned.  He has made you doubt him, through his doubtful actions.

You shouldn't really have to tell him to cut it off with her.  He should know to do this and if his mindset was concentrated on his future with you, he would.   

Don't backtrack on your thoughts just because you want to be with him.  Your instincts are trying to tell you something.  You should listen to yourself.

- Beach

Edited February 23, 2022 by Beachead

[IrinaM]

5 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

He say “I never respond to her. I do only rarely. It’s not that serious”

rarely and never are different things. Never = 0. Why are you letting him doublespeak you?

I'm more curious about the drama between them, as it seems like that's the bulk of your relationship. What makes you think he "used her for money," or his mom used her for money, or whatever?

[Jennymato29]

Now she just messaged him that she’s sorry for her behavior that she’s in a better place mentally and is calm now and she is sorry for saying she hates him. This is too much you guys

[ShyViolet]

Jenny, it's poor judgment on YOUR part to even stay with a guy with this many red flags, with this much drama, and who lets this dysfunctional and disrespectful situation go on.  He is letting this continue because on some level he enjoys this and doesn't want to cut contact with her.  "I don't block people", that is such a lame excuse.  YOU are choosing to stay involved with this guy's ridiculous drama with his ex.  The smart thing to do would be to walk away from this.  

You don't need to keep updating us on every little thing she texts him.  We've already heard enough to know that this situation is dysfunctional.  Obviously he has no intentions of putting an end to this.  Now it's YOUR responsibility to walk away from a dysfunctional situation.  If you choose to stay involved this drama, that's on you.