My boyfriend will NOT block his ex for some reason even though she harasses him DAILY!

[ExpatInItaly]

Where are your standards, OP?

I would've kicked this guy to the curb immediately. Raise the bar here, and don't date a crappy person just for the sake of having a boyfriend. 

You're going to wind up hurt, because it's very obvious he's more into her than you. You are the distraction while these two find their way back to each other. I promise you he would panic and start responding if she stopped messaging him. 

He's still way too into her, and you are wrong to think he doesn't have feelings for her. He absolutely does. 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

His iPad lol 

Is he your current BF or an ex you're spying on? It seems he's in a relationship already, so it's time to move on. 

[Jennymato29]

52 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he your current BF or an ex you're spying on? It seems he's in a relationship already, so it's time to move on. 

I gave him an ultimatum last night block her or we can not continue. He said why am I looking in his messages. Why is ignoring her not enough?. I told him I’ve seen him viewing her stories and he said it’s just a story. I said it’s literally you viewing her face or pictures of her. And he said “are you kidding me?”

[Agentra]

10 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I gave him an ultimatum last night block her or we can not continue. He said why am I looking in his messages. Why is ignoring her not enough?. I told him I’ve seen him viewing her stories and he said it’s just a story. I said it’s literally you viewing her face or pictures of her. And he said “are you kidding me?”

Let it go, love... He is simply gaslighting you at this point. It will do nothing but drive you crazy. No he is not just "ignoring her and looking at a stories", he is keeping the door open for her and enabling the drama. For what, attention and an ego-boost, I suppose. 

You don't have to make sense of it, you can't control him, let him be somebody else's problem. Find somebody with better morals and dignity. 

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

. He said why am I looking in his messages. 

Yes. Why are you snooping through his private messages and devices?

Just end it if you are this unhappy.

[Prudence V]

18 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

She’s ignored just not blocked 😞

That’s not what you said here:

On 2/22/2022 at 10:22 AM, Jennymato29 said:

He and His ex are friends on Facebook. They talk daily.

Or here:

21 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

all of his responses 

Or here:

21 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

From what I saw he ignores her until she says something really disrespectful or she will not stop messaging him. <snip> He’ll say eventually  “you need help” or “please leave me alone”. 

That’s not ignoring. That’s responding, even if he’s playing hard to get while doing it. 
 

If he was really ignoring, there’d be *no* response (other than blocking). 
 

You’re buying into his minimisation - why? What exactly are you getting from this “relationship”, other than drama? 

[Prudence V]

1 hour ago, Jennymato29 said:

I gave him an ultimatum last night block her or we can not continue. He said why am I looking in his messages. Why is ignoring her not enough?. I told him I’ve seen him viewing her stories and he said it’s just a story. I said it’s literally you viewing her face or pictures of her. And he said “are you kidding me?”

Your R has become entirely about their R. That doesn’t sound healthy. 

[Jennymato29]

34 minutes ago, Prudence V said:

That’s not what you said here:

Or here:

Or here:

That’s not ignoring. That’s responding, even if he’s playing hard to get while doing it. 
 

If he was really ignoring, there’d be *no* response (other than blocking). 
 

You’re buying into his minimisation - why? What exactly are you getting from this “relationship”, other than drama? 

Hey! Most of the time he doesn’t respond it seems. Until she hits a nerve or says something really really rude. I saw one time he was like “I’m done replying because you don’t know how to watch what you say?” And she said “I don’t care to watch what I say to you”

just insane crap like that. And it’ll put him in a bad mood that i deal with 

[Jennymato29]

13 minutes ago, Prudence V said:

Your R has become entirely about their R. That doesn’t sound healthy. 

It’s not. I’m really bummed ):. I’ve got a headache and I want to cry

[Jennymato29]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. Why are you snooping through his private messages and devices?

Just end it if you are this unhappy.

It’s a bummer for sure ):. I really am into him. I just wanted to see for myself the psycho ex who he said wouldn’t leave him alone

[Jennymato29]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Where are your standards, OP?

You're going to wind up hurt, because it's very obvious he's more into her than you.

He's still way too into her, and you are wrong to think he doesn't have feelings for her. 

Then why not be with her? He’s told her no I’m the past or that they CANT be together. If he had feelings why tell her no ?

 

[elaine567]

On 2/22/2022 at 10:22 AM, Jennymato29 said:

I’ve been with my boyfriend a couple of months now. He has known his ex for 7 years.

You can't fight that.

They are playing games with each other now. They may have even been playing similar games for the past 7 years.

You have just shown up in the middle of THEIR relationship. You are inconsequential.
Stop thinking you mean something to him.
You don't.
She is gorgeous. Do not forget that. He doesn't want to lose her.
He is keeping her around in case she stops the aggression and defensiveness and takes him back.
At that point you will be  unceremoniously dumped.

Too many think that being new and shiny trumps everything, but it doesn't.
You are dispensable.
He knows that, she knows that, and it is about time you acknowledged that fact.
Stop wasting your time. 
She is the star in his life, you are just a part of the supporting cast.
Do not sacrifice yourself on the altar of a man who is still in love with his ex.
 

[Jennymato29]

4 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

You can't fight that.

They are playing games with each other now. They may have even been playing similar games for the past 7 years.

You have just shown up in the middle of THEIR relationship. You are inconsequential.
Stop thinking you mean something to him.
You don't.
She is gorgeous. Do not forget that. He doesn't want to lose her.
He is keeping her around in case she stops the aggression and defensiveness and takes him back.
At that point you will be  unceremoniously dumped.

Too many think that being new and shiny trumps everything, but it doesn't.
You are dispensable.
He knows that, she knows that, and it is about time you acknowledged that fact.
Stop wasting your time. 
She is the star in his life, you are just a part of the supporting cast.
Do not sacrifice yourself on the altar of a man who is still in love with his ex.
 

Ok so I should’ve mentioned that he has told her and I’ve seen that messages that they can’t be together. 

[elaine567]

Just now, Jennymato29 said:

Ok so I should’ve mentioned that he has told her and I’ve seen that messages that they can’t be together. 

All part of the game, I would suggest...
You are assuming what they tell each other is factual and true, when my guess is that they say things to get a reaction.  This is common when high emotions are involved.
"I hate you and never want to see or talk to you again", really means "I love you and I want you to fight for me... please..."
Stop thinking you KNOW what is really going on.
Stop trying to second guess how he feels.
He is going to do what is best for him. Remember that.
If keeping you sweet whilst he waits for his ex, suits him then that is what he will do.

The mantra is NEVER get involved with people who are still attached to their ex, whether they love them or hate them is immaterial. 
What you want to see is indifference and calmness and no drama. Here you are in the middle of World War Three...

Walk away with your head held high.
Leave them to it.
 

[Jennymato29]

1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

All part of the game, I would suggest...
You are assuming what they tell each other is factual and true, when my guess is that they say things to get a reaction.  This is common when high emotions are involved.
"I hate you and never want to see or talk to you again", really means "I love you and I want you to fight for me... please..."
Stop thinking you KNOW what is really going on.
Stop trying to second guess how he feels.
He is going to do what is best for him. Remember that.
If keeping you sweet whilst he waits for his ex, suits him then that is what he will 
 

Wait for her? If he has told her they can’t be together what is he waiting for? To deny her again?

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

He said why am I looking in his messages.

I thought he was the one showing you her messages?  Now he accuses you of snooping verifying he has something to hide.

[Jennymato29]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I thought he was the one showing you her messages?  Now he accuses you of snooping verifying he has something to hide.

He was showing me at first. Then I started looking. 

[ExpatInItaly]

21 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

If he has told her they can’t be together what is he waiting for?

Why is this even relevant?

The point is that he is no place to be dating you. What happens between them doesn't matter. What matters is that he's not available to be a boyfriend to you. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Jennymato29 said:

just insane crap like that. And it’ll put him in a bad mood that i deal with 

Don't you see if he were over her he would be indifferent to her; not letting her words put him in a bad mood.  He's still emotionally attached to her.

[Jennymato29]

15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why is this even relevant?

The point is that he is no place to be dating you. What happens between them doesn't matter. What matters is that he's not available to be a boyfriend to you. 

Because you all are acting like he’s just dying to be with her. He’s told her no 

[stillafool]

32 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

Because you all are acting like he’s just dying to be with her. He’s told her no 

You need to stop listening to his words and watch his actions.  He knows this is upsetting to you but doesn't care using the excuse of "I don't block".  She can upset his mood by the things she says still he won't block.  He says he doesn't want her but looks at her pics and reads her stories.   Whatever is going on between them it's not good for your relationship and he doesn't seem to care.

[Jennymato29]

22 minutes ago, stillafool said:

You need to stop listening to his words and watch his actions.  He knows this is upsetting to you but doesn't care using the excuse of "I don't block".  She can upset his mood by the things she says still he won't block.  He says he doesn't want her but looks at her pics and reads her stories.   Whatever is going on between them it's not good for your relationship and he doesn't seem to care.

He doesn’t just say he doesn’t want her, he told her that

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

I’ve got a headache and I want to cry

Talk to your mother. Are you under 18? If so ask her to take you to a doctor.

However you state he was with his GF for 7 years? So if you are closer to 30 simply make an appointment yourself about your anxiety, moods and a general evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

It's better than being chronically angry, sad, suspicious and upset.

Get tested for STDs. At this point, you don't really know how involved they really are. He seems to be hiding things from you.

[Jennymato29]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Talk to your mother. Are you under 18? If so ask her to take you to a doctor.

However you state he was with his GF for 7 years? So if you are closer to 30 simply make an appointment yourself about your anxiety, moods and a general evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

It's better than being chronically angry, sad, suspicious and upset.

Get tested for STDs. At this point, you don't really know how involved they really are. He seems to be hiding things from you.

I’m 29, he’s 34., she’s 31

[smackie9]

Face palm to head* He's gaslighting you, being defensive, you can't stop looking at the messages, he won't block her which means in some way he gets off on reading them, still likes looking at her, etc. You are wasting your time, and find some self esteem. This is unhealthy. Your desire is clouding your better judgement. 

Edited February 23, 2022 by smackie9