My boyfriend will NOT block his ex for some reason even though she harasses him DAILY!

[Beachead]

@Jennymato29

I suggest you reread your thread title.  You started this thread because you were concerned about your relationship and your boyfriend and now you are backtracking on yourself. 

The common census here is your instincts were correct.    You are backtracking on yourself now.

His ex and him talking is not okay, even if they are arguing.  It's a stressful situation for you and he is dismissing your feelings as an overreaction when in fact, your reaction is perfectly justified.  This is what gaslighting is.  It really shows poor character.

Having said that, the problems you are facing with him has now crossed the line and become your doing because in the same way your boyfriend is continuing to entertain his ex's drama, you are continuing to entertain his.  You do have some control over your life.  This is one of those times.  You can choose who and what you want in your life and who or what you don't want.

If this guy isn't squashing his past so that he can focus on his present with you, despite your concerns, dump him and get on with your life. 

There's not much else anyone else can say.  It's up to you.

Edited February 23, 2022 by Beachead

[salparadise]

26 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

He doesn’t just say he doesn’t want her, he told her that

You sure are adamant in defending him, despite the fact that you realize that something’s far enough off that you started a thread… and a hundred posts later you won’t accept what seems obvious…

The reason he won’t block her is that he doesn’t want to — there is an obsession, and it’s apparently mutual. They have their hooks deep into each other, and despite it having turned sour, neither is willing to actually end it. Yea, obsessive is the word.

There are three people in your relationship. If I were you I’d reduce that number to zero real quick. 

[Wiseman2]

On 2/22/2022 at 5:22 AM, Jennymato29 said:

I’ve been with my boyfriend a couple of months now. He has known his ex for 7 years.

Ok, at 29 years old, cut your losses and move forward in peace.

Why waste another precious day on this?

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

He doesn’t just say he doesn’t want her, he told her that

I'll  bet  she's heard that before and has probably told him the same thing.  Neither of them mean it.

[Snow_Queen]

It doesn’t matter how much he protests not wanting her. In very toxic relationships, a strong emotional bond can continue for an extended time. The more tumultuous the relationship, the harder it is to let go.

 If this is the case, such a bond is an addiction due to the extreme highs and lows. In many cases, the abused person cannot break that bond. They feel a strong need to seek attention and approval from their abuser. This is probably why he can’t stay away from her or have the strength to block her.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Jennymato29 said:

I’m 29, he’s 34., she’s 31

At 29 why in the world are you putting up with this?

[elaine567]

Why did they split? What is his story?

[Jennymato29]

I’m in tears!!! Today she messages him so you’re not gonna respond like at all? He says we had an agreement not to talk! And she says ok I I understand and then he says do you even understand what you say? And then they go into this long talk about how she speaks to him and how she needs help with her anger! I’m so hurt

[IrinaM]

@Jennymato29i asked in a (much) earlier post... what is the story behind him "using" his ex for money, or letting his family use her for money? You skimmed right past that.

 

[Jennymato29]

5 minutes ago, IrinaM said:

@Jennymato29i asked in a (much) earlier post... what is the story behind him "using" his ex for money, or letting his family use her for money? You skimmed right past that.

 

I didn’t see sorry! Yes they used her for money. I THINK. He doesn’t say much. 

[Jennymato29]

14 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Why did they split? What is his story?

His mom hated her because she’s feisty and stood up to him 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

He says we had an agreement not to talk!

And she says ok I I understand and

then he says do you even understand what you say?

And then they go into this long talk about...

I’m so hurt

They are just being crazy on/off BF/GF.

However you are hurting yourself sticking around.

60 days. And all you have is their dialogues? 

Find a man of your own who respects you.

[stillafool]

18 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I’m in tears!!! Today she messages him so you’re not gonna respond like at all? He says we had an agreement not to talk! And she says ok I I understand and then he says do you even understand what you say? And then they go into this long talk about how she speaks to him and how she needs help with her anger! I’m so hurt

How are you reading his messages?

Where is he? 

What did you say to him about this message?

[Jennymato29]

7 minutes ago, stillafool said:

How are you reading his messages?

Where is he? 

What did you say to him about this message?

Hey. He’s working. I can see his messages on his iPad. He doesn’t know I have it. It’s connected. I want to say something to him but I’m so emotional right now. I’m working from him but having a hard time. My aunt just got diagnosed with cancer too it’s a rough day

[lana-banana]

4 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I can see his messages on his iPad. He doesn’t know I have it. It’s connected.

This is illegal. I am not saying it's often prosecuted or anything but this is absolutely against the law. Stop it.

[Jennymato29]

Just now, lana-banana said:

This is illegal. I am not saying it's often prosecuted or anything but this is absolutely against the law. Stop it.

He’s literally my boyfriend you’re kidding right. I’m just using the iPad but he doesn’t know his messages are connected. He’s an idiot 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I can see his messages on his iPad. He doesn’t know I have it..

This isn't a relationship, it's you stealing his devices and tapping into them.

Is this your ex? Because after 60 days of nothingness all you are dong is spying on him.

[Jennymato29]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This isn't a relationship, it's you stealing his devices and tapping into them.

Is this your ex? Because after 60 days of nothingness all you are dong is spying on him.

No he stays at my house and leaves his stuff with me 

[poppyfields]

33 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

His mom hated her because she’s feisty and stood up to him 

But he's 34 years old!  His mother still has this much influence on him at 34 years of age?  That he ended a significant relationship because his mother didn't like her?

There must be more to it.

 

[Jennymato29]

Just now, poppyfields said:

But he's 34 years old!  His mother still has this much influence on him at 34 years of age?  That he ended a significant relationship because his mother didn't like her?

There must be more to it.

 

I really don’t know much more honestly: he just says she’s crazy. 

[Jennymato29]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This isn't a relationship, it's you stealing his devices and tapping into them.

Is this your ex? Because after 60 days of nothingness all you are dong is spying on him.

I didn’t steal it tho he knows I have it just not that I can see his Facebook like calm down

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

He’s literally my boyfriend you’re kidding right. I’m just using the iPad but he doesn’t know his messages are connected. He’s an idiot 

Jenny, below is federal law in the U.S.

>>Under Federal law, you are not permitted to view, read or listen to any communication on someone else's phone or electronic device. ... There is case law where spouses have actually been charged criminally when snooping through a spouse's phone for proof of an affair.

I would suggest that you stop snooping immediately.  Not only is it affecting your mental and emotional health in a very negative way, but it's against the law.

Edited February 23, 2022 by poppyfields

[ShyViolet]

7 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

Then why not be with her? He’s told her no I’m the past or that they CANT be together. If he had feelings why tell her no ?

 

How do you not see that this DOESN'T matter?  The point is that he is continuing this ridiculous, immature drama with his ex, he has poor boundaries, and he has no intentions to stop acting like this.  

Why haven't you broken up with him already?

[ShyViolet]

52 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I’m in tears!!! Today she messages him so you’re not gonna respond like at all? He says we had an agreement not to talk! And she says ok I I understand and then he says do you even understand what you say? And then they go into this long talk about how she speaks to him and how she needs help with her anger! I’m so hurt

Why are you even still staying involved in all this?  At this point you're choosing to let this continue.

[JRabbit]

11 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I really don’t know much more honestly: he just says she’s crazy. 

This is so typical. She's the "crazy" one.

I had a bf a few years back who I was very close to, never in a million years did I think he would hurt me. Same sort of situation with his ex, and the entire time he was still dating her. Had another phone, separate insta I didn't know etc etc.

If he wanted her gone he block delete and never look back. He enjoys this, he loves the drama, wants to have it all and be fought over.  Yuck.

Edited February 23, 2022 by JRabbit