My boyfriend will NOT block his ex for some reason even though she harasses him DAILY!

[stillafool]

39 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I know. It’s just hard to grasp how he tells her he doesn’t want her, he hates her, would never date. Yesterday he showed me where he told her he wouldn’t even want someone like her in his life. Then you go and unblock her?

Why don't you tell him that until he blocks her you don't want anything else to do with him because you don't want a bf who is still attached to his ex.  Tell him you won't put up with it?  That will tell you how he feels about you.

[Jennymato29]

28 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Why don't you tell him that until he blocks her you don't want anything else to do with him because you don't want a bf who is still attached to his ex.  Tell him you won't put up with it?  That will tell you how he feels about you.

He said he doesn’t block people because that’s childish and he doesn’t want to block his blessings

[vla1120]

1 hour ago, Jennymato29 said:

He said he doesn’t block people because that’s childish and he doesn’t want to block his blessings

He considers her a blessing? Or was that a typo. He's causing you too much heartache. Tell him to contact you when he is over her and truly ready for a relationship with you. If you don't watch out for yourself, no one will. Also, I hope your aunt is going to be okay.

[Jennymato29]

2 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

He considers her a blessing? Or was that a typo. He's causing you too much heartache. Tell him to contact you when he is over her and truly ready for a relationship with you. If you don't watch out for yourself, no one will. Also, I hope your aunt is going to be okay.

He said he responds to her because he isn’t mean (he was referring to when she’s nice) because he’s a nice guy and Doesn’t want to block any blessings god has sent his way. And hasn’t blocked her because he said that’s childish 

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

I know. It’s just hard to grasp how he tells her he doesn’t want her, he hates her, would never date. Yesterday he showed me where he told her he wouldn’t even want someone like her in his life. Then you go and unblock her?

At this point you have no one to blame but yourself for this drama and dysfunction.  You are choosing to stay with a guy who is clearly immature and not ready to have a healthy relationship with you.  You need to get yourself into therapy ASAP to figure out why you have such low standards and don't know how to walk away from a situation that's full of red flags.

[vla1120]

1 minute ago, Jennymato29 said:

He said he responds to her because he isn’t mean (he was referring to when she’s nice) because he’s a nice guy and Doesn’t want to block any blessings god has sent his way. And hasn’t blocked her because he said that’s childish 

At the very least, this shows a lack of boundaries on his part. He can't have it both ways - wanting her completely out of his life, but continually responding to her texts, etc. He's right about one thing, there are different types of blocking. There is a case where blocking for revenge or to make someone angry would be considered childish. However, blocking to preserve your own boundaries and to keep toxicity out of your life is NOT childish. He should consider the difference.

[glows]

10 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

He said he responds to her because he isn’t mean (he was referring to when she’s nice) because he’s a nice guy and Doesn’t want to block any blessings god has sent his way. And hasn’t blocked her because he said that’s childish 

No.. deep down it's for his own personal satisfaction or in some twisted way, to prove to himself that he's a hero or not like "mean" people he's known in the past. The distinction between healthy and unhealthy boundaries is totally lost. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Jennymato29 said:

He said he doesn’t block people because that’s childish and he doesn’t want to block his blessings

I'm not talking about action from him but from you.  Why don't you stand up for yourself and give him an ultimatum and mean it?  What are you afraid of?  Do you care more about him than yourself?

[Jennymato29]

53 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I'm not talking about action from him but from you.  Why don't you stand up for yourself and give him an ultimatum and mean it?  What are you afraid of?  Do you care more about him than yourself?

Didn’t someone ask me what he said lol. That’s why I said what he said 

[smackie9]

2 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

He said he responds to her because he isn’t mean (he was referring to when she’s nice) because he’s a nice guy and Doesn’t want to block any blessings god has sent his way. And hasn’t blocked her because he said that’s childish 

This is bs to divert the honest truth. Now he calls it blessing that God sent his way...that is a pile of you know what. And no blocking her would be the mature thing to do. Man he's pulling the wool over your eyes. 

[stillafool]

57 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

Didn’t someone ask me what he said lol. That’s why I said what he said 

So you gave him the ultimatum?  What did you tell him you are prepared to do if he doesn't block her?

[ExpatInItaly]

He's still in love with her, OP. 

A very dysfunctional sort of love, but he still wants her. 

You are wasting your time with him. Do you really not see that? 

[Jennymato29]

27 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

He's still in love with her, OP. 

A very dysfunctional sort of love, but he still wants her. 

You are wasting your time with him. Do you really not see that? 

I don’t understand why you all keep saying that if all he says to her is to please leave him alone and that they can never be together!

[ExpatInItaly]

16 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

I don’t understand why you all keep saying that if all he says to her is to please leave him alone and that they can never be together!

We've already explained this.

[Jennymato29]

29 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

We've already explained this.

Not really. Because I’d just be with the person I wanted to be with not tell them I don’t want them 

[deepthinking]

Does this guy ever take you out?  Are there any things you two share?  What do you two do together?   

Edited February 26, 2022 by deepthinking

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

Not really. Because I’d just be with the person I wanted to be with not tell them I don’t want them 

That is you. Not him. And not their dysfunctional relationship.

As I said before, what goes on between them isn't the biggest problem. The biggest problem is that you're clinging on to a guy who is obviously not as into you as you are into him, and is too tied up with someone else. When you're with a man who is truly into you, his ex won't be a factor whatsoever. 

I asked previously, but have you had a boyfriend before? You seem desperate to hang on to this, even though it's obviously a bad relationship with no future. 

[elaine567]

11 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

Not really. Because I’d just be with the person I wanted to be with not tell them I don’t want them 

You are NOT him.

The problem here is that he can't be with her, due to circumstance.
He is keeping her around as he can't let her go.
You are the rebound, the substitute unfortunately. 
If you were "enough" for him,  she would be nowhere.
Their communication would be nil or consist of polite chit chat or if she was persistently annoying him, he would block her.
BUT here they are in a constant war.
There are huge emotions involved and you are being foolish for allowing yourself to be "the gooseberry".
As your Mom said, you are the outsider in their relationship.
I know you are very attached and "in love", but loving a man who does not love you will always be an unhappy place to be.
Yes you  can stick around being his second fiddle if you want, but he will grow to resent you, as you are not the woman he truly wants...
Set yourself free to find a man who loves and respects YOU and you alone. 

 

[Wiseman2]

Keep in mind that whatever you may be able to monitor through snooping through his iPad, is not the whole picture.

You don't even know if they're still seeing each other, have sex, etc.  It's seems like he's getting sex otherwise he would stop contacting her.

He may have all sorts of devices and accounts you don't know about. Whatever the case, you aren't happy.

Why is he at your place this much and why does he keep this much stuff there?

Did he live with her just before you met?

[Jennymato29]

On 2/26/2022 at 6:10 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Keep in mind that whatever you may be able to monitor through snooping through his iPad, is not the whole picture.

You don't even know if they're still seeing each other, have sex, etc.  It's seems like he's getting sex otherwise he would stop contacting her.

He may have all sorts of devices and accounts you don't know about. Whatever the case, you aren't happy.

Why is he at your place this much and why does he keep this much stuff there?

Did he live with her just before you met?

He just spends the nights sometimes he doesn’t live there. He did t live with her: they lived separate he  has secretly talked to her for years because of his family hating her

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

 he  has secretly talked to her for years because of his family hating her

Well he's still secretly talking to her because their connection is still very intense.

Perhaps you are there as a cover so his family thinks he has a new GF. That way, they can continue their relationship without his family knowing.

Whatever the case, you're unhappy and he's still with her.

It's up to you to decide what you want in a BF after 5 mos. So far his heart mind and energy is still with her.

[vla1120]

15 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

 he  has secretly talked to her for years because of his family hating her

So his obsession with her has been going on for quite some time. I would turn and run if I were you. He's not ready for a relationship with you and you're going to end up getting hurt.

[Jennymato29]

37 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

So his obsession with her has been going on for quite some time. I would turn and run if I were you. He's not ready for a relationship with you and you're going to end up getting hurt.

He just told me last night that stopped speaking because he told her “we both know we don’t get along” so she hasn’t contacted him i days. But he hasn’t deleted her from his friends on Facebook or blocked her on any other platform. He said she’s irrelevant and not important enough. Says he doesn’t even watch her stories anymore and that she’s toxic 

[vla1120]

53 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

He just told me last night that stopped speaking because he told her “we both know we don’t get along” so she hasn’t contacted him i days. But he hasn’t deleted her from his friends on Facebook or blocked her on any other platform. He said she’s irrelevant and not important enough. Says he doesn’t even watch her stories anymore and that she’s toxic 

In other words, he didn't stop talking to her because he doesn't love her anymore, or is indifferent to her, but because they don't get along. She hasn't contacted him in days. "Days" would not be long enough for me to be convinced that there is no longer going to be contact. If she really is so toxic and he does not want her in his life, then he would delete/block her completely. Be wary.

[Jennymato29]

11 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

In other words, he didn't stop talking to her because he doesn't love her anymore, or is indifferent to her, but because they don't get along. She hasn't contacted him in days. "Days" would not be long enough for me to be convinced that there is no longer going to be contact. If she really is so toxic and he does not want her in his life, then he would delete/block her completely. Be wary.

How do you have a hard time getting along with someone you supposedly love? Isn’t chemistry a reason why people fall in love