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My boyfriend will NOT block his ex for some reason even though she harasses him DAILY!

Jennymato29

By Jennymato29,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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elaine567

elaine567

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Jennymato29 said:

How do you have a hard time getting along with someone you supposedly love? Isn’t chemistry a reason why people fall in love 

Plenty people fall in love with people they don't get along with.
Chemistry may have nothing to do with friendliness or compatibility.
I guess here there is a whole lot of sexual tension going on...  that is why it keeps going despite the fighting and the apparent continuous disharmony.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
14 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

How do you have a hard time getting along with someone you supposedly love? Isn’t chemistry a reason why people fall in love 

How do you stick around for a man who is so tied up with an ex?

Your choices don't make any sense either, Jenny. 

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elaine567

elaine567

Posted
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1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How do you stick around for a man who is so tied up with an ex

I guess it is called love with a huge pinch of hope.
She has targeted this guy as being the one for her, and is determined to have him despite him still being in love with his ex.
 

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elaine567

elaine567

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1 hour ago, Jennymato29 said:

He just told me last night that stopped speaking because he told her “we both know we don’t get along” so she hasn’t contacted him i days. But he hasn’t deleted her from his friends on Facebook or blocked her on any other platform. He said she’s irrelevant and not important enough. Says he doesn’t even watch her stories anymore and that she’s toxic 

He is telling you what you want to hear...
 

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glows

glows

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I’d be concerned at this point their dynamic is set. This is really it, a take it or leave it situation. How long will you keep crying or living anxiously?

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vla1120

vla1120

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Jennymato29 said:

How do you have a hard time getting along with someone you supposedly love? Isn’t chemistry a reason why people fall in love 

Kindly, I loved both of my husbands. Neither of them deserved my love nor my loyalty. Being in love with someone in no way guarantees the relationship will be successful and having chemistry does not equate to love. Maybe they had a co-dependent relationship and that is why they cannot seem to let go of one another, even though they are not a good match. Either way, until he completely closes the door on that relationship, he will not be able to be fully engaged in a relationship with you.

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Jennymato29

Jennymato29

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19 hours ago, elaine567 said:

I guess it is called love with a huge pinch of hope.
She has targeted this guy as being the one for her, and is determined to have him despite him still being in love with his ex.
 

He’s not in love with her! 

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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2 minutes ago, Jennymato29 said:

He’s not in love with her! 

The point is that he is not that into you, either. 

Jenny, you can do a lot better than this. 

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Prudence V

Prudence V

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On 2/25/2022 at 6:17 PM, Jennymato29 said:

He said he responds to her because he isn’t mean (he was referring to when she’s nice) because he’s a nice guy and Doesn’t want to block any blessings god has sent his way. And hasn’t blocked her because he said that’s childish 

These are rationalisations. You’ve told him that their continued engaging makes you uncomfortable, and asked him to stop. He has refused. That really is all you need to know - that he’s not prepared to do what you ask, to help you feel more comfortable in the relationship. Whether he loves her or hates her or feels whatever else toward her, is immaterial. He is still choosing ongoing communication with her, over you. 
 

And as much as (as others have pointed out) his dynamic with her is set and unlikely to change, so is this dynamic between you and him. He has shown quite clearly that he doesn’t consider your feelings enough of a reason to moderate his own behaviour. You simply are not that important to him. Even someone he dislikes is more important to him than you. 
 

You might be really into him, but he clearly isn’t that into you. You are already anxious and unhappy and this will not get better. If he really cared about you, then childish rationalisations about “blocking blessings” would be the furthest from his mind - he’d be wanting to make you happy and secure. You can continue to hang around, hoping he’ll see the light and change, but you know - as do we all - that he won’t. Putting a label on his R with his X won’t change the fact that he treats you poorly and doesn’t care enough about your real distress to consider cutting a toxic ex out of his life. This is your future if you stick with him. It will not get better, and almost certainly will get worse. Is this really what you want? 

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Beachead

Beachead

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Posted (edited)

@Jennymato29

On 2/25/2022 at 11:38 AM, Jennymato29 said:

He said he doesn’t block people because that’s childish and he doesn’t want to block his blessings

I think that's a load of bs.   Blocking her would be asserting boundaries to stop her from trampling over his relationship with you, because that's what she's doing.  She is jeopardizing your relationship together..and HE is enabling it.  In choosing not cut it off, he has allowed his past to interfere with his present because that choice is hurting you.  Even when you have told him to stop, he hasn't. That is another choice.   He knows he's hurting you and he doesn't care because his needs vastly outweigh yours in this scenario. 

Is it wise to trust this guy with something as fragile as your heart, for the long-term picture? 

I think your next move is clear but you're stuck in denial, making excuses for him, which makes you just as much a contributing member to this circus act, as they are.  As in, you are enabling your own suffering.

You are ultimately responsible for your own well-being.  No one else is going to look after it for you.  Right now, you are doing a poor job of managing it.  

Start caring for yourself.

Edited by Beachead
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kendahke

kendahke

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On 2/27/2022 at 7:55 AM, Jennymato29 said:

Isn’t chemistry a reason why people fall in love 

No. Chemistry is why people wind up in relationships they have no business being in and flail aimlessly at people who are telling them they're in a relationship they have no business being in.

What is clear after 8 pages is that you have no interest in putting this down--you're just trying to find out how to control grown folks who have no intention of letting you control them. No one has that answer.

He tells you everything he wants you to hear: it's not necessarily the truth of what is going on... it's enough to keep you quiet and off his jock strap.

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He’s not in love with her! 

Ha! Why? Because he told you that?  Like I said above: he tells you what he wants you to hear.

He's in love with her. Doesn't matter what he says--what matters is what he does.

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