My boyfriend has been short with me after I said no to going to a party

[FleXxep]

My boyfriend and i have been together for 7 months. Lately I’ve been busy and haven’t really seen him much. 

My boyfriend told me to come to this party tonight and he told me it was going to be a big party etc … and i said no because i don’t like being around too many people i don’t know and he got mad. Why is he mad? 

I could tell he was mad because of his responses after the text they were short and dry 

 

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, FleXxep said:

I could tell he was mad because of his responses after the text they were short and dry

Sorry this happened. How old is he? It seems like an immature reaction. 

How is the relationship overall? Was this the first conflict over something?

If you're getting the silent treatment every time you don't jump through his hoops, you may want to rethink the relationship.

So far, it seems like you are incompatible. You seem way too familiar already with how he acts when he's angry. Think about that.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, FleXxep said:

.Lately I’ve been busy and haven’t really seen him much. 

See the above 

You've been busy and haven't been able to see him much and you've just blown him off again.  It's perfectly understandable that he'd get annoyed at being low on your priority list

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, FleXxep said:

Why is he mad? 

Because it sounds like you're not spending much time him.

He feels rejected, OP. 

[FleXxep]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

See the above 

You've been busy and haven't been able to see him much and you've just blown him off again.  It's perfectly understandable that he'd get annoyed at being low on your priority list

It’s not that he’s a low priority he wants me to ask him to come see me which i think is stupid. Secondly we never go to parties together he could’ve came over or something instead he asked for me to go to a party 

[smackie9]

You are not getting it. He would like you to go to this party with him....as a couple would do....sometimes you make sacrifices to make your partner happy. Seriously... would it have killed you to go this one time? I suspect this has happened more than once with other things. Maybe it's time to reassess this relationship. Maybe you are not compatible. 

Edited February 23, 2022 by smackie9

[Kamille]

2 hours ago, FleXxep said:

It’s not that he’s a low priority he wants me to ask him to come see me which i think is stupid. Secondly we never go to parties together he could’ve came over or something instead he asked for me to go to a party 

How is him wanting you to show interest and reciprocation stupid? Do you expect him to jump through hoops and guess what you are thinking and feeling?

You don't sound like you want to spend time with him. Do you? If you do, it's time to show it by setting up the next date. 

[NuevoYorko]

You don't have time for him, and you rejected his invitation for a date.

Also you just seem incompatible.  He likes to socialize at a party and you just want him to come to your house.

Next.  

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, FleXxep said:

It's not that he’s a low priority he wants me to ask him to come see me which i think is stupid.

Excuse my ignorance, but why is asking your boyfriend to come see you "stupid"?  

What am I missing OP?  Surely something because it makes no sense that you would think something like asking your boyfriend to come see you is stupid. 

Can you fill in the holes OP?  Clarify that statement?

Also, being in a healthy functional relationship is not just about you and what you want.  

It's about your boyfriend too, his wants and needs.  And apparently attending the party and having you with him was important to him.

Would you have felt better if he had NOT wanted you there?  And wanted to go alone? 

In any event, my guess is him not speaking to you now is a build up of many things, not this one incident. 

I don't envision anything good or positive happening here, but good luck. 

 

 

Edited February 23, 2022 by poppyfields

[FMW]

I agree with the others, it's natural he's unhappy about you not spending time with him.  If you don't have the time or the desire to be with him, and if you aren't willing to occasionally do things for him that aren't really your thing (like going to the party), then it seems you aren't too interested in a real relationship with him.  

It does seem you might be incompatible - you need to find someone who is ok with lots of time apart and doesn't expect much from you either.  

[glows]

I don't see why you need to go to this party or why he has to pout. It's a valid reason not wanting to be around large crowds especially regarding any concerns about Covid. Instead offer an alternative hang out or date idea and ask him if he'd like to do something else. This isn't about going or not going to this party. It's about offering options and negotiating something else so that you both are able to see each other more often. The key point is to spend meaningful time together so try working on that as a couple. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, FleXxep said:

It’s not that he’s a low priority he wants me to ask him to come see me which i think is stupid. Secondly we never go to parties together he could’ve came over or something instead he asked for me to go to a party 

It sounds like you are incompatible and he's finding ways to tiptoe out of the relationship to the point where everything...real, invented or imagined is "an issue".

For example he needs an engraved invitation to see you? Or just an excuse to go party without you? Sounds like he just wants to party and you're more of a homebody.

Edited February 23, 2022 by Wiseman2

[FMW]

4 hours ago, FleXxep said:

It’s not that he’s a low priority he wants me to ask him to come see me which i think is stupid. Secondly we never go to parties together he could’ve came over or something instead he asked for me to go to a party 

I've been with my guy for over 2 years.  We still "ask" each other to come over (for dinner, to watch movies, etc.), we don't just drop by unless it's for something quick like dropping off something.

Choosing not to go to parties is fine, but have a conversation with him making sure he understands it's the party/atmosphere you are saying no to, not to doing something with him.   

[FleXxep]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You are not getting it. He would like you to go to this party with him....as a couple would do....sometimes you make sacrifices to make your partner happy. Seriously... would it have killed you to go this one time? I suspect this has happened more than once with other things. Maybe it's time to reassess this relationship. Maybe you are not compatible. 

He didn’t ask me to go with him he just said come … which he should’ve clarified 

[FleXxep]

2 hours ago, FMW said:

I agree with the others, it's natural he's unhappy about you not spending time with him.  If you don't have the time or the desire to be with him, and if you aren't willing to occasionally do things for him that aren't really your thing (like going to the party), then it seems you aren't too interested in a real relationship with him.  

It does seem you might be incompatible - you need to find someone who is ok with lots of time apart and doesn't expect much from you either.  

He had never asked me to go with him to a party that’s why i said no as well 

[FleXxep]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Excuse my ignorance, but why is asking your boyfriend to come see you "stupid"?  

What am I missing OP?  Surely something because it makes no sense that you would think something like asking your boyfriend to come see you is stupid. 

Can you fill in the holes OP?  Clarify that statement?

Also, being in a healthy functional relationship is not just about you and what you want.  

It's about your boyfriend too, his wants and needs.  And apparently attending the party and having you with him was important to him.

Would you have felt better if he had NOT wanted you there?  And wanted to go alone? 

In any event, my guess is him not speaking to you now is a build up of many things, not this one incident. 

I don't envision anything good or positive happening here, but good luck. 

 

 

I shouldn’t have to ask to see my boyfriend 

[Els]

27 minutes ago, FleXxep said:

I shouldn’t have to ask to see my boyfriend 

Go over to his place to see him then....?

[stillafool]

39 minutes ago, FleXxep said:

I shouldn’t have to ask to see my boyfriend 

And he probably feels like he should be able to expect his gf to go to a party with him every once in a while too.  

[smackie9]

43 minutes ago, FleXxep said:

He had never asked me to go with him to a party that’s why i said no as well 

 

44 minutes ago, FleXxep said:

He didn’t ask me to go with him he just said come … which he should’ve clarified 

You are splitting hairs here. If he did ask it wouldn't have made any difference would it? You already had your mind made up by the sounds of it. I guess you just need to clarify with him, no parties in future. 

[poppyfields]

11 hours ago, FleXxep said:

My boyfriend told me to come to this party tonight and he told me it was going to be a big party etc … and i said no because i don’t like being around too many people..

OP, being somewhat of an introvert, I don't particularly care for large group gatherings either, especially large parties.  I much prefer a smaller intimate group, it's much more comfortable.  For me.

However, a few of my boyfriends were huge extroverts and they enjoyed so I would go.  

We did things like that for each other, gave a little of ourselves for the other.   In turn, they would attend certain events and smaller more intimate group gatherings with me, even though it wasn't their favorite thing to be doing.

I think that makes for the BEST relationships, when you can give a little of yourself for the other, even though it's not your favorite thing.

Do you even want to be in this relationship?  Sounds like you might be too busy, or don't care enough, or more into doing your own thing, or whatever.

Serious question.

 

 

Edited February 23, 2022 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

11 hours ago, FleXxep said:

My boyfriend told me to come to this party tonight and he told me it was going to be a big party etc … and i said no because i don’t like being around too many people i don’t know and he got mad. Why is he mad? 

 

maybe because of this

11 hours ago, FleXxep said:

Lately I’ve been busy and haven’t really seen him much. 

 

so probably feels put on the backburner.  We make time for what's important to us, bottom line. Did you suggest an alternative way to spend time together since you shot his suggestion down?  Don't take this the wrong way but judging by your other responses, you're sounding a little entitled. 

Were you too busy in the first month of the relationship?  It takes two to tango in a relationship, and relationships aren't about just what you want.

Edited February 23, 2022 by dramafreezone

[basil67]

1 hour ago, FleXxep said:

He didn’t ask me to go with him he just said come … which he should’ve clarified 

This is him asking you to join him at the party.   

[vla1120]

6 hours ago, FleXxep said:

It’s not that he’s a low priority he wants me to ask him to come see me which i think is stupid.

I don't think it is stupid for him to want you to ask him over to see you. It sounds like he does not want to barge in uninvited. Is there anything wrong with you asking him over? 

6 hours ago, FleXxep said:

Secondly we never go to parties together he could’ve came over or something instead he asked for me to go to a party 

Why don't you ever go to parties together? I think the two of you have different expectations for this relationship. After seven months, it's time to have an open discussion about expectations vs. reality. 

[FleXxep]

33 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

OP, being somewhat of an introvert, I don't particularly care for large group gatherings either, especially large parties.  I much prefer a smaller intimate group, it's much more comfortable.  For me.

However, a few of my boyfriends were huge extroverts and they enjoyed so I would go.  

We did things like that for each other, gave a little of ourselves for the other.   In turn, they would attend certain events and smaller more intimate group gatherings with me, even though it wasn't their favorite thing to be doing.

I think that makes for the BEST relationships, when you can give a little of yourself for the other, even though it's not your favorite thing.

Do you even want to be in this relationship?  Sounds like you might be too busy, or don't care enough, or more into doing your own thing, or whatever.

Serious question.

 

 

I love my boyfriend. I switched jobs and got busy out times haven’t been matching lately. But I’ve never went to a party with him ever I’m not a party girl at all 

[ExpatInItaly]

So which is it, you're too busy to see him or your ego is too big to invite him over sometimes?