My boyfriend has been short with me after I said no to going to a party

[basil67]

41 minutes ago, FleXxep said:

I love my boyfriend. 

Your actions are not actions which show love.

• When we love a partner, we make compromises so that they can get their needs met too.  This involves going to parties with them now and then
• When we love a partner, we invite them to spend time with us.
• When we love a partner, we make time in our lives to fit them in.

At this point, your boyfriend is being short because he's feeling very unloved.  You can change how you interact with him, or you can leave him.  But if you keep up like this, he will leave you.

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, FleXxep said:

I love my boyfriend. I switched jobs and got busy out times haven’t been matching lately. But I’ve never went to a party with him ever I’m not a party girl at all 

Going to a *single* party doesn't make you a party girl.  It just means you did something that you don't particularly enjoy because it meant a lot to this person that you say you love.

He knows you don't like parties so that would make it all the more of a meaningful gesture on your part.  It's an hour or an hour and a half, that's not a lot of time.

Often times the intent of our actions and how our actions are received are not in alignment.  Most of the people here are telling you why he likely felt slighted by you. 

You can know that you love him when you said you didn't want to go to the party but your love is not reflected in that moment.  Saying "I don't feel up to up tonight, but why don't you come over and we'll order food and have a night in" does reflect that you want to spend time together and that you care about him.

[poppyfields]

3 hours ago, FleXxep said:

I love my boyfriend. I switched jobs and got busy out times haven’t been matching lately. But I’ve never went to a party with him ever I’m not a party girl at all 

Bolded, as I said in my previous post, nor am I.    But I went with him anyway because that's what you do when in an exclusive committed RL, you give a little of yourself for your partner to make them happy.  And vice versa.

But it's your relationship so your call.  It seems a bit selfish to me, but who am I? 

If you're boyfriend is okay with it, then fine. 

Problem is, given his response, he obviously isn't okay with that sort of 'me me me' attitude, so it's up to you.

If you want to remain in this relationship and avoid these sorts of conflicts, perhaps consider what a relationship means to you and begin making a few changes.

Less "it's all about me," and more "what's best for US as a couple." 

And are we both willing to compromise, give a little of ourselves for each other even when it's a bit uncomfortable or not something we particularly want to do.

Give and take, reciprocity.  Those are the BEST relationships imo.

 

Edited February 24, 2022 by poppyfields

[Ami1uwant]

7 hours ago, FleXxep said:

I love my boyfriend. I switched jobs and got busy out times haven’t been matching lately. But I’ve never went to a party with him ever I’m not a party girl at all 

You aren’t getting it…..

 

its irrelevant if he’s a regular party goer. He wanted you to go with him which is why he asked you to come.

 

have you met his family? Friends?

 

are you antisocial? A ho embody?

 

what else have you turned away from his asking you about doing something and you sayno.

[Wiseman2]

It's an invitation, not a subpoena. You have every right to decline a last minute vague invite that you would not even enjoy. It's not as if it's an important event.

He's a big boy and can go to parties by himself....Or maybe he is a baby if he's pouting about it.

[dramafreezone]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's an invitation, not a subpoena. You have every right to decline a last minute vague invite that you would not even enjoy. It's not as if it's an important event.

He's a big boy and can go to parties by himself....Or maybe he is a baby if he's pouting about it.

Well, this is in the context of the fact that she readily admits that she hasn't been making time for him.  It'd be a different issue if they were hanging out 3-4 times a week and she declined.    If she doesn't want to make time for this guy she supposedly loves then why is this even a relationship?

Edited February 24, 2022 by dramafreezone

[FleXxep]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's an invitation, not a subpoena. You have every right to decline a last minute vague invite that you would not even enjoy. It's not as if it's an important event.

He's a big boy and can go to parties by himself....Or maybe he is a baby if he's pouting about it.

He goes to parties alone all the time 

[elaine567]

4 minutes ago, FleXxep said:

He goes to parties alone all the time 

Well I guess he isn't going to be your bf for much longer.
He asked you to come with him to a party,  you said no...

[FleXxep]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Well I guess he isn't going to be your bf for much longer.
He asked you to come with him to a party,  you said no...

He goes  and parties at least twice a month never asks me to go so why now lol

[dramafreezone]

3 minutes ago, FleXxep said:

He goes  and parties at least twice a month never asks me to go so why now lol

You're missing the point.  It's not about the party.  The point is he's making an effort to spend time with you since you two haven't been spending much time together.  Why not make an effort on your side since you shot down his invitation?

Edited February 24, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, FleXxep said:

He goes  and parties at least twice a month never asks me to go so why now lol

You seem incompatible if he's at parties every other weekend and you would prefer more one-on-one quality time.

[glows]

So did you end up going or ?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, FleXxep said:

He goes  and parties at least twice a month never asks me to go so why now lol

Why not?

You say you haven't really been making time for him or inviting him to your place. So, he tried to invite you somewhere. 

If you are looking to be single soon, just keep doing what you're doing. He'll get tired of it eventually and move on to someone who is more available and interested. 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, FleXxep said:

He goes  and parties at least twice a month never asks me to go so why now lol

Your current mindset will undoubtedly deliver a breakup. Is this what you're seeking?

 

[glows]

To be frank, OP, your first post reads as more of a rhetorical question. “Why is he mad?” You already know why. No one likes to be rejected. Your boyfriend likely misses you or hoped you’d be there to enjoy the evening but you made it clear large crowds aren’t for you and that needs to also be respected.

Your boyfriend also deserves your utmost honesty and if you’d rather not go instead of doing something you’d rather not, you don’t need to overexplain yourself to him or anyone else. 

I think the idea of reciprocation and showing interest is a good one but it shouldn’t be used to manipulate someone into doing something a person doesn’t feel comfortable doing. You have absolutely every right to decline the invitation. 

I’m curious if you did end up going. Perhaps you both need and want different things as a couple and as individuals. That’s also perfectly fine. Be nothing but absolutely authentic to yourself and your partner. While there are compromises for every relationship don’t ever put yourself in a position that makes you uncomfortable. Ever.