My Sister Is Coming to Visit Me!

[Alpacalia]

Just a quick thought on this?

So my formerly estranged sister is flying up to visit me and I am super happy to finally see her!

She mentioned a week or so ago that a man who saw my social media profile wanted to meet me, and she asked my mother if I'm okay with him flying in for the weekend with her (it would be an hour flight from where he is to where I am).

Apparently, this guy is good friends with a man my sister “was” dating.

I was taken aback by this at first because I hadn't spoken to my sister in a long time and admit I had grown frustrated with her.

Moreover, my sister keeps trying to set up this "meeting" through my mother without checking with me, and I've never talked to this person before.

I'm not sure. Does this sounds strange to anyone else?

[glows]

There are stranger things, I suppose. I don't see any issue in meeting with him for a few minutes. Have something else lined up that day and excuse yourself politely to keep the meeting short. 

If you're not interested at all, I'd nip this in the bud early and tell her you're not interested. End of story. She doesn't need to know why or what your reasons are. 

[Alpacalia]

40 minutes ago, glows said:

There are stranger things, I suppose. I don't see any issue in meeting with him for a few minutes. Have something else lined up that day and excuse yourself politely to keep the meeting short. 

If you're not interested at all, I'd nip this in the bud early and tell her you're not interested. End of story. She doesn't need to know why or what your reasons are. 

Thanks.

I just feel like, I haven't seen her or spoken with her in such a long time that I kinda want it to be just me and her.

There's so much for us to catch up on and what not.

 

[vla1120]

It's good that you are happy to see her. Maybe she is going through your mom because she's not sure how you will react to her contacting you directly since there was estrangement?

It is a little strange that she's bringing a friend of an ex to meet you. Just go with your gut instinct on that one. 

Either way, hopefully this is the end of the estrangement!

[ShyViolet]

I find it very strange that in your first meeting with your sister since you were estranged, she is bringing some random guy.  A bizarre thing to do in my opinion.  How does she go from being estranged and not speaking to you, straight to trying to set you up with some random guy? 

So where are they staying for the weekend?  Are they staying somewhere together?

[FMW]

Yes, it seems strange.  I agree, that if you have been estranged and not talked or seen each other much recently, any visit should be private, just the two of you.  I would be kind of creeped out that a guy I didn't know and had no previous contact with would fly to meet me.  It all seems weird.   

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

I find it very strange that in your first meeting with your sister since you were estranged, she is bringing some random guy.  A bizarre thing to do in my opinion.  How does she go from being estranged and not speaking to you, straight to trying to set you up with some random guy? 

So where are they staying for the weekend?  Are they staying somewhere together?

That was my initial thought as well.

She is staying at a hotel, not sure where he will stay.

I don't understand. She wants us to have a girls' night out, but doesn't that mean just us girls? 

I don't know.

But agree it's weird.

I really do not wish to meet someone I've never talked to and not under these circumstances.

[salparadise]

Another vote for seems weird. It would be weird if you and your sister hadn't been estranged. But now it seems like this setup is a higher priority than the two of you spending time together after having not seen her in however long. What is her motivation for pushing this agenda? And you know nothing about him, correct? Never communicated? If it were me I'd want to speak with the guy first, and I'd be inclined to try and separate the two visits so that the time with your sister isn't all about this guy that you know nothing about... that's assuming you even decide to meet him. And going through your mother rather than asking you, well, that's weird too.

[Alpacalia]

54 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Another vote for seems weird. It would be weird if you and your sister hadn't been estranged. But now it seems like this setup is a higher priority than the two of you spending time together after having not seen her in however long. What is her motivation for pushing this agenda? And you know nothing about him, correct? Never communicated? If it were me I'd want to speak with the guy first, and I'd be inclined to try and separate the two visits so that the time with your sister isn't all about this guy that you know nothing about... that's assuming you even decide to meet him. And going through your mother rather than asking you, well, that's weird too.

Thanks.

Those are pretty much my thoughts too.

I agree with pretty much everything you pointed out.

My family and I haven't really spoken with her much or seen her in the past year or so.

Not sure what her motivation is. I've never spoken with him before. The only things I know are where he lives and that he's a good friend of a man she previously dated. And that he's a really "good guy."

From what I know, she's going to be moving to the same city as him.

Maybe she's trying to get me to move down there eventually and she's trying to entice me.  🤣

My sis and I have always been pretty close and I know she's wanted me to move nearer to where she is for the longest time and has mentioned it a lot over the years.

 

Edited February 25, 2022 by Alpaca

[glows]

I think you’re going into this as if you owe your sister or this man something hence why you may be feeling some anxiety or apprehension. From what you’ve described previously about your sister she has been quite estranged from your family and you’ve expressed displeasure about her choices especially where her kids are involved or how she’s left her family while dealing with her divorce.

You both have lost touch so that severs expectations as well you may have of one another. It also means making assumptions about her intentions are a real waste of energy. You don’t know where she’s at at all so why introduce all these negative vibes to your first meet in awhile? It would make me question her proposal to meet him but I know I’d have firmly declined OR agreed to meet out of courtesy but it would have no bearing on level of interest. Interest level is ultra low, non-existent. As a sister I’d like to see her. I wouldn’t let this idea phase me. 

The way I see this is you haven’t seen her in awhile and this is an opportunity to meet with her and catch up. If you find the invitation to meet this person inappropriate just say no. You’re not obligated to please her or him. Please yourself and do what feels good and right to you. You owe neither of them anything. Be firm about your choice or your boundaries and don’t let her get involved with your love life. 

I hope all goes well.

Edited February 25, 2022 by glows

[SingFish]

19 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Thanks.

I just feel like, I haven't seen her or spoken with her in such a long time that I kinda want it to be just me and her.

There's so much for us to catch up on and what not.

 

Exactly.

I had a friend we lost touch then reconnected and she was always doing this, trying to set up meetings with other people present! I had nothing against the people but no desire to meet them either. I just kept saying we'll meet later when you have more time. We never did and she moved to another state without saying a word. 

Some people seem to hide behind these things I guess. 

 

 

[Alpacalia]

Thanks everyone!

I just told her that if she wants to talk about it she can reach out to me directly rather than going through my mother.

The focus this weekend is about us (our family) not bringing some random along that I’ve never spoken with before.

Edited February 25, 2022 by Alpaca

[Wiseman2]

23 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Apparently, this guy is good friends with a man my sister “was” dating.

Maybe she wants him to meet the family because they are getting serious?

[Alpacalia]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Maybe she wants him to meet the family because they are getting serious?

My sister and the man she "was" dating?

Hmm...

Maybe. 

It was strange because a couple weeks or so before this when she reached out to me we were talking about this guy and when I asked how she was doing she went silent.

That's when she went through my mother about this whole thing.

[ShyViolet]

@alpaca does your sister have a history of doing weird or inappropriate things before?  Since you were estranged from her, I'm going to guess maybe the answer is yes?

[glows]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

Thanks everyone!

I just told her that if she wants to talk about it she can reach out to me directly rather than going through my mother.

The focus this weekend is about us (our family) not bringing some random along that I’ve never spoken with before.

Excellent. I hope you also made the last part clear and actually vocalized that: the focus this weekend is about your family. 

 

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, ShyViolet said:

@alpaca does your sister have a history of doing weird or inappropriate things before?  Since you were estranged from her, I'm going to guess maybe the answer is yes?

No, not at all.

It's highly unlike her.

That's why this has been confusing.

I've been trying to approach it from the viewpoint that everyone just handle things differently when they're going through "stuff."

Whatever that "stuff" might be.

[mark clemson]

Hopefully it goes well. Be on the lookout for an ulterior motive, as possibly there is one. Hopefully it's just a desire to reconnect, though. Hope for the best, plan for the worst, etc...

[poppyfields]

21 hours ago, Alpaca said:

I really do not wish to meet someone I've never talked to and not under these circumstances.

Alpaca, I don't blame you.

In any event, I hope you enjoy the visit with your sister and if you're curious about this guy who liked your socials, perhaps you could suggest to your sister that he contact you directly through SM so you can chat a bit versus making a special trip to meet in person someone who is a literal stranger whom he's never even talked to before.

Agree with others, that would be just too awkward and weird.

Have fun with your sister!

 

 

Edited February 25, 2022 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Alpaca said:

My sister and the man she "was" dating?

She must have a valid reason, at least in her mind, for inviting him. Since you are estranged/out if the loop, you may have to wait to see her/meet him to learn more

 Not much you can do but greet her (and her friend) with open arms and a welcoming demeanor. They are not staying in your home. right? They are getting a hotel, no?

[Alpacalia]

16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She must have a valid reason, at least in her mind, for inviting him. Since you are estranged/out if the loop, you may have to wait to see her/meet him to learn more

 Not much you can do but greet her (and her friend) with open arms and a welcoming demeanor. They are not staying in your home. right? They are getting a hotel, no?

Well, it's not just me that is/was estranged.

But yes, we'll know more soon.

As far as I know she's not dating the man anymore. He wouldn't be coming.

It's a friend of the man she dated (that I guess she told him about and he saw my social media and told her he wants to fly to meet me). I think my sister maybe was just trying to arrange it around the same time she would be here because she wanted all of us to go out and maybe so that I would feel more comfortable perhaps.

My sister is staying on her own somewhere.

Edited February 25, 2022 by Alpaca

[poppyfields]

29 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

It's a friend of the man she dated (that I guess she told him about and he saw my social media and told her he wants to fly to meet me).

He sounds eccentric.  Maybe he's rich!  LOL

I'm teasing but it IS quite bizarre that a man with whom you have never spoken, would purchase a plane ticket, pay for his hotel stay (which isn't cheap!), take time off work to visit a woman he has never even spoken to.

Any reason why he couldn't contact you on SM first?  Chat a bit?

I think it's a bit crazy and I would be very wary.  I have heard of it though, I once read about a man flying halfway across the world to meet a woman based on nothing but her picture.  I don't recall the outcome.

Lots of crazies out there lemmetellya.

Anyway, again hope you and sister have fun and as far as this guy goes, I don't know but play it out, you never know.

Good luck. 

Edited February 25, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

28 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

He sounds eccentric.  Maybe he's rich!  LOL

I'm teasing but it IS quite bizarre that a man with whom you have never spoken, would purchase a plane ticket, pay for his hotel stay (which isn't cheap!), take time off work to visit a woman he has never even spoken to.

Any reason why he couldn't contact you on SM first?  Chat a bit?

I think it's a bit crazy and I would be very wary.  I have heard of it though, I once read about a man flying halfway across the world to meet a woman based on nothing but her picture.  I don't recall the outcome.

Lots of crazies out there lemmetellya.

Anyway, again hope you and sister have fun and as far as this guy goes, I don't know but play it out, you never know.

Good luck. 

Thanks.

I thought so too...

Maybe, a bit impulsive?

My thinking is how come someone would want to meet a woman like that that he has not even spoken a single word to?

I don't know, I was talking to about it with my brother and he was like, "yeah, that sounds a bit off."

I know sometimes things like this happen but being that vulnerable to meet someone I haven't spoken to, I don't know, I just can't see myself doing that.

I've been on a blind date before but I don't really think it counts as a blind date because we talked for a month or so beforehand and saw pictures of each other too.

Edited February 25, 2022 by Alpaca

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

My thinking is how come someone would want to meet a woman like that that he has not even spoken a single word to?

My guess is he is fantasy-driven and "fell in love" with your picture.  So he throws all caution to the wind, spends thousands of dollars on airfare, hotel, he's probably built you up in his head so much, simply based on your picture, that's he's lost all sense of reality.

That's my take, such men DO exist.  

They're crazy but there are some women who might be flattered by such overzealousness too, it goes both ways.

I am glad to hear you're not!

[Alpacalia]

8 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

My guess is he is fantasy-driven and "fell in love" with your picture.  So he throws all caution to the wind, spends thousands of dollars on airfare, hotel, he's probably built you up in his head so much, simply based on your picture, that's he's lost all sense of reality.

That's my take, such men DO exist.  

They're crazy but there are some women who might be flattered by such overzealousness too, it goes both ways.

I am glad to hear you're not!

Well, whatever the case may be I'm really just trying to look forward to my sister coming to visit.

I feel like this was kind of like a diversion and I'm not sure what her motivations are but I'll know more.

She's staying for a week so I hope to have plenty of time to catch up with her!