My Sister Is Coming to Visit Me!

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

It's not just a 'party phase' it's a bit more than that to say the least.

It's hard because I want to spend time with her and would love to get away when I have some time off but there are things that I just can't be around and I'm not sure how to balance the two without distancing myself from her completely.

Alpaca, would it not be possible to spend time together with your sis keeping her new lifestyle separate?  Why would you have to be "around" it?

I have five brothers, a couple who are (or were) into some pretty bizarre things, experimenting with different lifestyles I guess you could say, not my cup of tea, BUT when we were together, it was just bro and sis getting together spending time, being goofy.

I never judged them for how they chose to live, it was none of my business, if it made them happy, then I was happy for them as long as it wasn't hurting them or anyone else, and legal!  Which it was (legal).

Since you won't share more about what this new lifestyle is, it's difficult to fully understand but if it's not illegal nor hurting them or others, perhaps you could make an effort to accept?  And keep it separate from your time together?   Just have fun, connect, be close.

I only suggest that because she's your sister, your family, and if something were to happen and she were to be suddenly gone forever, we don't get second chances.  I speak from experience when I say that (see my previous thread which you very kindly responded).

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

Edited March 1, 2022 by poppyfields

[NuevoYorko]

Why have you even entertained the idea of meeting that man?   

If I've followed, he is a friend of a man your sister has been dating for 2-3 weeks.  You've never spoken to him.  Your sister is involved in some type of lifestyle that you are very uncomfortable with.   But the two of you have been estranged for some time.  Regardless of that, the man she's trying to set you up with is someone she certainly has not encountered herself more than a few times.  

So, best case scenario, the guy is an absolute stranger that is barely even connected with you in any way.  A little worse case:  He is involved in the same mysterious and shattering lifestyle as your sister.   Wouldn't that make him a bad candidate to date?

It's easy to find strangers to meet and possibly date.   Tinder for example.    

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Alpaca, would it not be possible to spend time together with your sis keeping her new lifestyle separate?  Why would you have to be "around" it?

I have five brothers, a couple who are (or were) into some pretty bizarre things, experimenting with different lifestyles I guess you could say, not my cup of tea, BUT when we were together, it was just bro and sis getting together spending time, being goofy.

I never judged them for how they chose to live, it was none of my business, if it made them happy, then I was happy for them as long as it wasn't hurting them or anyone else, and legal!  Which it was (legal).

Since you won't share more about what this new lifestyle is, it's difficult to fully understand but if it's not illegal nor hurting them or others, perhaps you could make an effort to accept?  And keep it separate from your time together?   Just have fun, connect, be close.

I only suggest that because she's your sister, your family, and if something were to happen and she were to be suddenly gone forever, we don't get second chances.  I speak from experience when I say that (see my previous thread which you very kindly responded).

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

Thanks.

I'm coming at this from an approach that (a) I don't want to be around certain things because, no, they are not really considered 'legal' (I can't speak for the other people in her life because I really don't know much about them); and (2) I just don't want to abandon my sister. 

2 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Why have you even entertained the idea of meeting that man?   

If I've followed, he is a friend of a man your sister has been dating for 2-3 weeks.  You've never spoken to him.  Your sister is involved in some type of lifestyle that you are very uncomfortable with.   But the two of you have been estranged for some time.  Regardless of that, the man she's trying to set you up with is someone she certainly has not encountered herself more than a few times.  

So, best case scenario, the guy is an absolute stranger that is barely even connected with you in any way.  A little worse case:  He is involved in the same mysterious and shattering lifestyle as your sister.   Wouldn't that make him a bad candidate to date?

It's easy to find strangers to meet and possibly date.   Tinder for example.    

Well, it's really before I knew the full scope of everything. I told her that I wasn't initially open to him flying here without speaking to him first and before I knew of everything she's been doing. Then as I learned more and more I decided against even entertaining the idea but then he reached out to me.

I really don't know whether or not these friends of hers or the man she's dating are even aware themselves and I don't know enough about him regardless. I'm open to being friendly towards him but that's most likely as far as it goes.

 

Edited March 2, 2022 by Alpaca

[Ronni_W]

On 2/24/2022 at 12:56 PM, Alpaca said:

I'm not sure. Does this sounds strange to anyone else?

Yep...for sure it does "sound strange" to me, also. (As well as to you, yes?) All kinds of things -- why ask your mother instead of you, to check if YOU are okay with him flying in for the weekend with her? (This part has even nothing to do with whether or not, or for how long, you and you sister have been estranged.) They (your mother and sister) have not yet realized that you can take care of your own dating/romantic needs and desires. Why not? When are you going to tell them that you're old enough and that they need to butt out?

[Alpacalia]

8 hours ago, Ronni_W said:

Yep...for sure it does "sound strange" to me, also. (As well as to you, yes?) All kinds of things -- why ask your mother instead of you, to check if YOU are okay with him flying in for the weekend with her? (This part has even nothing to do with whether or not, or for how long, you and you sister have been estranged.) They (your mother and sister) have not yet realized that you can take care of your own dating/romantic needs and desires. Why not? When are you going to tell them that you're old enough and that they need to butt out?

Certainly, I found it strange.

That's why I asked the question.

In general, they don't get involved in my dating life.

She (my sister) told me afterward that he would not fly with her that weekend, but wanted to visit separately to meet me at some point. I think she was just thinking that it would be fun to have a 'going out' night with us both while she was here.

Whatever the case, I am just glad I got to spend time with my sister.

 

[Alpacalia]

I've talked to this guy just a bit and he mentioned me coming to visit his area at some point.

I don't want to make a pre-judgment with him (since I barely know him) the few times we've chatted he's been super cool.

Would this be that bad of an idea?

 

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, Alpaca said:

I've talked to this guy just a bit and he mentioned me coming to visit his area at some point.

I don't want to make a pre-judgment with him (since I barely know him) the few times we've chatted he's been super cool.

Would this be that bad of an idea?

Honestly, yes I think it's a rather bad idea.  What is the point of meeting up with this guy who lives a plane-ride away from you?  And what if you do end up liking each other, then you'll have to enter into a long distance relationship where any time you want to see each other, it's a plane ride?  Honestly why would you put yourself in that situation and waste so much time and energy?  Date locally.

[glows]

All the confusion with your sister and him aside, he seems to be a long distance prospective depending on his personal or work situation. 

I haven’t gone back to reread the thread so these are only the bits I recall. You’re possibly thinking of relocating back east to be closer to your sister (it’s an idea you’re open to) and even if you don’t move you’re open to a short term relationship or summer fling. I may be paraphrasing.

If that’s the case and he seems decent then see how it goes but I wouldn’t place any high hopes on this man just because he’s someone your sister knows. Maybe his intentions are to move west for work. Did he say anything about that or bring it up? 

 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, glows said:

All the confusion with your sister and him aside, he seems to be a long distance prospective depending on his personal or work situation. 

I haven’t gone back to reread the thread so these are only the bits I recall. You’re possibly thinking of relocating back east to be closer to your sister (it’s an idea you’re open to) and even if you don’t move you’re open to a short term relationship or summer fling. I may be paraphrasing.

If that’s the case and he seems decent then see how it goes but I wouldn’t place any high hopes on this man just because he’s someone your sister knows. Maybe his intentions are to move west for work. Did he say anything about that or bring it up? 

 

My sister and I live in the same state on the west coast but in different cities. 

I planned to relocate back to the east coast at some point after I wrapped up school.

He already lives on the west coast (the same state as me but in a different city).

No, he has no intentions of moving from the city he's living in now (as far as I know).

I thought just maybe visiting and see how it goes after he mentioned it.

 

[glows]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

My sister and I live in the same state on the west coast but in different cities. 

I planned to relocate back to the east coast at some point after I wrapped up school.

He already lives on the west coast (the same state as me but in a different city).

No, he has no intentions of moving from the city he's living in now (as far as I know).

I thought just maybe visiting and see how it goes after he mentioned it.

 

That’s up to you and how interested you are in this person and what you’re comfortable doing in terms of travel or visiting. It also depends on what you’re open to. I wouldn’t think of this as anything substantial personally. Sorry but I’d have trouble being attached emotionally as I’d know it wouldn’t last or I wouldn’t have the patience to continue traveling to see someone. It might be fun for the time being. 

Just be comfortable with what you decide and go do it. You seem curious and interested. 

 

[Alpacalia]

15 hours ago, glows said:

 

Just be comfortable with what you decide and go do it. You seem curious and interested. 

 

Thanks glows.

I am, we'll see how it goes. 😋