Heartbroken_ Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 Hey everyone, Some advice would be perfect right now, I’m really going out of my mind. So some back story, my boyfriend and I have been going out for 8 months, it has been the perfect whirlwind of romance and happiness, we both quickly realised that we were head over heels with eachother. Both neither looking for a relationship, but realised we were exactly what both were looking for. We complimented each other so well, talked about a future of getting married, having children, making a home together. He has had a tough life, with circumstances happening to him in his personal life and past relationships which resulted in him having depression and therapy which he had completed before we got together. recently he has been very down, and he dropped a shock bombshell on me that he wanted to break up and have some time on his own to heal and get help. I tried my best to help him and support him, and said I would be there at every step, but ultimately I had to let him go. We haven’t spoken since he broke up with me and I am struggling. This is the love of my life. We spent hours hugging, crying, talking and telling eachother we loved eachother. We didn’t want to say goodbye. he said he didn’t want me to give his keys back to his house “in case I might need them again” and he talked about the future plans we had for the rest of the year. he even said that “some time apart sometimes does wonders” will he come back to me? Do I reach out? What do I do! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 Hand the keys back so you're not liable in any complaints and accusations should things go south. The last thing you need is him saying that something's missing in his home and the only other person who has the keys is you. Tie this up and distance yourself so you can think a little clearer. While it's good that he's thinking of seeking help for himself, that he sought to end the relationship speaks volumes about his readiness for anything with anyone. He's one of two things: needs serious help for his issues (valid reason) or he is just not that interested in continuing the relationship with you. Both are reasons to walk away and be good to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 Mail his keys back to him and close this chapter of your life. I will not date people that are "wishy-washy" about dating me. I won't do the one again / off again thing with a woman. Whatever caused you to break up in the first place will always be there. You deserve to date someone who is "all in" on a relationship. His "tough life" is his problem, not yours... and you can't fix it anyway. My advice... shower up and go out. Try to socialize with other people, don't sit on the couch and let your thoughts circle round and round about this failed relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 29 minutes ago, Heartbroken_ said: he said he didn’t want me to give his keys back to his house “in case I might need them again” and he talked about the future plans we had for the rest of the year. he even said that “some time apart sometimes does wonders” will he come back to me? Do I reach out? What do I do! Don't keep his keys. Give them back so that he knows you do not intend to sit in the wings and wait for him to be ready for a relationship. I think he's feeding you a line about needing time to himself to figure things out. In a healthy relationship, you allow your signficant other to be that support person for you. You don't break up with them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 3 hours ago, Heartbroken_ said: he talked about the future plans we had for the rest of the year. he even said that “some time apart sometimes does wonders” Sorry this happened. How old is he? Does he have issues with drinking or drugs? Does he have other health problems in addition to depression? Does he live alone or with parents? Has he recently been divorced/broken up with someone? Do not wait or offer to be around. He may have depression and all that but he's using that as the explanation to end it. People who want to be together take care of their health and do not need "space". Don't be stung along with clichés. Some people, in a misguided attempt to not hurt others, make strange remarks like the one he made in order to soften the blow. Don't worry about the keys. He can change the locks. Don't stay in touch or contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_ Posted February 25, 2022 Author Share Posted February 25, 2022 11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. How old is he? Does he have issues with drinking or drugs? Does he have other health problems in addition to depression? Does he live alone or with parents? Has he recently been divorced/broken up with someone? Do not wait or offer to be around. He may have depression and all that but he's using that as the explanation to end it. People who want to be together take care of their health and do not need "space". Don't be stung along with clichés. Some people, in a misguided attempt to not hurt others, make strange remarks like the one he made in order to soften the blow. Don't worry about the keys. He can change the locks. Don't stay in touch or contact him. He’s 34. And no other issues with addictions to anything. He lives alone. He has been divorced, the reason for divorce was because it was a toxic relationship where they were young when they got together and they became different people. Also it was pretty damaging to him. His reasoning for space, is that the issues that are causing his depression happened before us and myself, so he said he needs to deal with those and he said he doesn’t want to use me as a crutch to help with those problems. He said he needs to learn how to cope with the issues. I just feel like he’s left things so open ended, and left somewhat a glimmer of hope that there will be an us when he pieces him back together. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 give the keys back. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 I would also give the keys back. Maybe you two can meet again someday. But when someone pulls away like this and calls time, reconciliations are not usually long-lived either. I'm sorry, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 18 hours ago, Heartbroken_ said: He’s 34. And no other issues with addictions to anything. He lives alone. He has been divorced, the reason for divorce was because it was a toxic relationship where they were young when they got together and they became different people. Also it was pretty damaging to him. His reasoning for space, is that the issues that are causing his depression happened before us and myself, so he said he needs to deal with those and he said he doesn’t want to use me as a crutch to help with those problems. He said he needs to learn how to cope with the issues. I just feel like he’s left things so open ended, and left somewhat a glimmer of hope that there will be an us when he pieces him back together. In all of this I’d consider that he has issues he needs to sort out. It doesn’t make him a terrible person but you’re going to have to underscore everything he says and take it with a pinch of salt. Don’t take him literally or at his word or as you would a reliable person as you know he’s not in that headspace. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 28, 2022 Share Posted February 28, 2022 Quote neither looking for a relationship, but realised we were exactly what both were looking for. We complimented each other so well, talked about a future of getting married, having children, making a home together. give him back his house keys and move on with your life. He's not commitment material. The whole premise behind the level of commitment you were after is that little pesky "for better for worse" clause in vows and he appears incapable of that. Link to post Share on other sites
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