Ptsd info

[lust4life]

A Link between Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome & Affair Recovery.

 

A counsellor invited a "betrayed" woman to ask herself the question: " And what is the purpose of this?" when thoughts went round in her head. This post is an effort to explain what the purpose USUALLY is, at least in the beginning of recovery. This is (I believe) one of the most misunderstood aspects of affair recovery, by professionals as well as those who live it.

 

What becomes increasingly apparent to counsellors and therapists working with couples recovering from an affair is the similarities with Post Traumatic Stress. And, when you think about it, it isn't hard to see why! When we discover that the person who we are closest to in the whole world has betrayed us in such a way, it is a HUGE TRAUMA! What the betrayed goes through in the early stages is the same as a "victim" of any trauma. Flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, obsessional thoughts, mood swings, sleep disturbances, disturbances in eating and other bodily functions, and the list goes on.

 

And what we need to recover our "sanity" is the same process too. We need to make sense of our experiences. We need to understand all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle. This ISN'T part of our craziness, it is part of our healing! One way we do that is to tell the story over and over again. You need to understand how NORMAL this is, and how healing. If you've been a victim of violent crime, you need to tell the story over and over again. A victim of war, in a car accident, BETRAYED, whatever the trauma, we need to re-tell the story, until it losses the power to cause us pain. And we need to gather all the information together, all those small pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, so that we can start to make sense of it all. IT IS ONLY WHEN WE MAKE SENSE OF IT THAT WE CAN STORE IT IN THE RIGHT PART OF OUR BRAIN. Once we can do that, those intrusive thoughts stop and we stop obsessing.

 

I'm not talkng about some fanciful "psychological" argument here. I am talking about NEUROLOGY. What actually happens in our brain. Normal (un-traumatic memories, like what you had for breakfast this morning!) get filed away. We haven't "forgotten" stuff, we've just filed it, so we CAN retrieve those memories if we get s. asked a question later. Or just because we CHOOSE to think about something. But, traumatic memories don't get filed like that. Due to the high levels of hormones (you know, adrenaline and stuff), the normal function of the brain gets interfered with, and instead of being filed away, they free float, that's why they keep getting in the way. You're driving down the road and suddenly you get slammed by some thoughts. You're trying to get to sleep, and suddenly there you go thinking stuff agan! You're asleep, and bang, a horrible nightmare interrupts it! We go over and over the "facts" and try to make sense of what happened. And we are doing that so w

 

e can file them.

 

So, THAT is the purpose of you thinking those thoughts.

 

AND YOUR PARTNER COULD BE HELPING YOU RIGHT NOW, HE/SHE COULD BE HELPING FILL IN THE GAPS, so you get to know all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle.

IN THE EARLY STAGES, with everything so fresh and unresolved, this is all you need to consider.

 

But, for others maybe, who have been suffering these for many, many months, who have been given all the facts, who have had all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, the could be other things going on. Other answers to that counsellors question. It's an excellent question and worth asking yourself.

 

Liz Spark

[Owl]

I've mentioned this before. I'm an ex-combat vet. I've been a lot of places, and seen and done a lot of things in my life. Lived on the streets for a while as a teenager. Lost my dad when I was six...my mom about 5 years ago.

 

I was diagnosed with PTSD after my first run of combat. And was diagnosed with it AGAIN after my wife's brief EA last year.

 

I can tell you that the symptoms are identical. It IS PTSD. And in truth, it's been a LOT harder for me to deal with the issues from my wife's affair than from the combat stuff...I'm not sure why, but can just tell you what I feel.

 

If anyone feels that they've got the symptoms of PTSD...talk with your doctor. There are meds that can help, and when combined with the right counseling, can make a lot of difference in helping you deal with things.

[lust4life]

I know alot of people beleive the should just be strong enough to get over this and they don't realize how much adultery has changed them.

 

Thanks for your story! Confirmation is welcomed.