what the heck? is wrong with me!

[skyliner34n]

I just want to die. She meant more to me like a lot more. Granted she was twice my age. She is 57 while im 27. What the heck is wrong with me. I loved her and yet she left me 

 

She was my friend, then we dated, then we became friends again(to which I didn't like) but I just wanted her around me.

 

Im feeling more miserable then ever!!! I cant sleep. This has been going for a week because we broke up 6 months ago and we been friends ever since again. I liked having her around and now she left me :(. All because I called her crazy because we were arguing because she though I had touched her computer when I didn't(long story), and I had also said you have lost your mind the next day because I brought a steak and she thought I put the butter with cinnamon somewhere else but I told her I didn't touch it and I had no reason to touch it. Like what?  Make it make sense for me. This is horrible and it has been a week since she wont even talk or respond to my text messages/she wont answer the phone.

 

Like I would sleep 4 hrs and cant sleep anymore. Its like my mind is going insane. I really feel like I wanna die because she meant so much more to me then anybody and the age difference didn't bother me. I would pay for the meals, I would pay for stuff to spoil her. I didn't make her buy a darn cent. I would sometimes even call of work to be there for her to which could cost me my job but I didn't care. Its been almost 6 yrs with the company.

 

How can I make this pain stop :(. I still cry often at random times because I am such a wimp for her :(. I even cried the night when I called her crazy and said I didn't want to lose you at her house and the next day bam. LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME what CAN I DO. I really want her back but she won't respond to anything I do and I am afraid to go to her house encase that might mess it up even more.

Edited March 1, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[stillafool]

Were you having sex with this woman and were you in a relationship?  Stop begging her and let her come to you.  She's getting an ego boost from your begging.

[skyliner34n]

10 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Were you having sex with this woman and were you in a relationship?  Stop begging her and let her come to you.  She's getting an ego boost from your begging.

No because I wanted to wait like she wanted me to. I did try advancing like rubbing against her and I even had try some other sexual advances but she just said she’s not ready yet because due to our age difference and I did respect that. 
 

We were dating like we would French kiss etc…

Edited March 1, 2022 by skyliner34n

[glows]

Well, it may be hard to hear this but it's difficult to respect someone who is willing to lose his job over a woman. She didn't respect you and is gone so try to deal with any underlying issues you may have. Was she married and cheating on her partner? Why is this posted in the Other Man/Woman forum?

[skyliner34n]

She’s been single  20 yrs. 
 

i have no idea which sub forum to put this in. 
 

All I know is I freaking miss her  and she’s only 10 minutes away from me which makes it harder to forget her.

[glows]

Calling someone crazy and suggesting that a person has lost their mind is derogatory and some people are sensitive to that especially regarding anything with mental health. I don't think it was right that you said that to her regardless of what she was insinuating. It seems she suspects you of things that you are innocent of and things become heated quickly.

I don't know how your arguments started especially the one with the computer but she probably didn't feel comfortable enough to stick around and be friends with you, regardless of whether you broke up or not. It's better not to stay friends with an ex as you both did date at one point. It seems like a very dysfunctional relationship from the little you have provided here. I am sorry that you're hurting. 

 

[skyliner34n]

8 minutes ago, glows said:

Calling someone crazy and suggesting that a person has lost their mind is derogatory and some people are sensitive to that especially regarding anything with mental health. I don't think it was right that you said that to her regardless of what she was insinuating. It seems she suspects you of things that you are innocent of and things become heated quickly.

I don't know how your arguments started especially the one with the computer but she probably didn't feel comfortable enough to stick around and be friends with you, regardless of whether you broke up or not. It's better not to stay friends with an ex as you both did date at one point. It seems like a very dysfunctional relationship from the little you have provided here. I am sorry that you're hurting. 

 

I tried to apologize and she’s still not responding . I didn't mean it but I kept telling her I didn’t touch her computer and that she did that movement on her computer by herself and she kept arguing with me that I did it. So instead of her believing me we had an argument worth over 3 hrs over about and that’s why I called her crazy because she kept arguing with me about that. I have no reason to touch her laptop. I should have just said I did but then that wouldn’t make me feel right. Lying to myself just to please her.
 

The same with the butter in the fridge. I didn’t move the butter in the fridge yet she argue with me long time over that to. Why would I want to do that when it makes no sense. 
 

i just don’t know how to get over her  I really miss her like heck like I mention I can’t sleep at all. I cried in my vehicle when I got home from work today because all I could think about was her and what the hell happened to lead to this point.

[glows]

3 hours ago, skyliner34n said:

I tried to apologize and she’s still not responding . I didn't mean it but I kept telling her I didn’t touch her computer and that she did that movement on her computer by herself and she kept arguing with me that I did it. So instead of her believing me we had an argument worth over 3 hrs over about and that’s why I called her crazy because she kept arguing with me about that. I have no reason to touch her laptop. I should have just said I did but then that wouldn’t make me feel right. Lying to myself just to please her.
 

The same with the butter in the fridge. I didn’t move the butter in the fridge yet she argue with me long time over that to. Why would I want to do that when it makes no sense. 
 

i just don’t know how to get over her  I really miss her like heck like I mention I can’t sleep at all. I cried in my vehicle when I got home from work today because all I could think about was her and what the hell happened to lead to this point.

When it gets to this point just stop and step back, hit pause. Three hours arguing could cause someone a heart attack. That is a huge sign this has gone off the rails. There is no reason to stay in contact with her or keep her as a friend. You’re too emotionally attached and it’s also holding you back from finding a more fulfilling relationship. 

You’re only 27 years old. When I broke up with someone when I was 27 I also thought I’d die. It was the most painful break up ever… or so I thought. Well, fast forward some time and I’ve lived way past that one tiny blip or blink of an eye when I was 27. You will too. I’m sharing this to give you hope not to minimize what you feel. Put this in perspective and be with your friends and family. 

I also want to suggest seeing your doctor if you have trouble sleeping and concentrating or if you feel depressed and having mood issues. Don’t turn to booze and other addictive substances. Get your rest and eat well. Don’t stay in contact with her and move forward.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, skyliner34n said:

i just don’t know how to get over her

You can't be friends anymore, OP. 

It's clear that this has become incredibly unhealthy for you and is bringing you far more emotional pain than it's worth. If it's reached the point where you cannot function normally, I would (kindly) suggest you seek some professional help. You deserve it. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, skyliner34n said:

I just want to die. She was twice my age. She is 57 while im 27. 

Sorry this is happening. How long were you dating? Did you live together? 

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss the suicidal ideation and insomnia. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps.

Call a mental health line. Someone will listen to you and steer you in the right direction to get help.

[SingFish]

13 hours ago, skyliner34n said:

She was my friend, then we dated, then we became friends again(to which I didn't like) but I just wanted her around me.

This 'being friends' does not tend to go well especially right after a breakup.

It seems like you had a very intense relationship for a while. Was this your first serious relationship?

The thing is a much older woman, with more life experience, there is a power imbalance there. Then if you were at her beck and call and paying for everything, quite an ego trip for her and something a decent person does not do, or not for long. 

Whatever the situation though when someone breaks up with you you need to be able to be resilient, most relationships aren't going to end with permanence. 

Give yourself some distance and gain perspective, get your confidence back. 

[skyliner34n]

30 minutes ago, SingFish said:

This 'being friends' does not tend to go well especially right after a breakup.

It seems like you had a very intense relationship for a while. Was this your first serious relationship?

The thing is a much older woman, with more life experience, there is a power imbalance there. Then if you were at her beck and call and paying for everything, quite an ego trip for her and something a decent person does not do, or not for long. 

Whatever the situation though when someone breaks up with you you need to be able to be resilient, most relationships aren't going to end with permanence. 

Give yourself some distance and gain perspective, get your confidence back. 

I just feel so sad  because this the 3rd person I been with since I was 20. I was never into dating before and I’m definitely not going into it anytime soon because I can not find a replacement for her as there is no one like her. Even at work right now I feel so depressed that I don’t even care if I get fired or not. 

Yes this is my first ever serious relationship.

she was talking about marriage to me and I got super excited like where did that talk that we had go. She was going to get a prenup and I said that’s fine. I was just excited about her and me talking about marriage, before that she was asking me if I wanted the burial plot next to her and I said yes. Like where did all that talk go.

 

[SingFish]

45 minutes ago, skyliner34n said:

Even at work right now I feel so depressed that I don’t even care if I get fired or not. 

 

That doesn't sound very practical. You are talking about long-term relationships and marriage yet you are not bothered about your job? 

45 minutes ago, skyliner34n said:

Like where did all that talk go.

The thing is @skyliner34n people do 'talk the talk'...especially in the flush of a new romance. For most relationships that's all it is going to be- something to be enjoyed for a time. Until you can cope with that intensity then letting go you won't enjoy relationships to the full. 

 

[skyliner34n]

7 minutes ago, SingFish said:

That doesn't sound very practical. You are talking about long-term relationships and marriage yet you are not bothered about your job? 

The thing is @skyliner34n people do 'talk the talk'...especially in the flush of a new romance. For most relationships that's all it is going to be- something to be enjoyed for a time. Until you can cope with that intensity then letting go you won't enjoy relationships to the full. 

 

I thought dating someone a lot older would leave me in a more sense full relationship. I loved her and I thought she loved me. After all the talks we had( late nights I would stay with her pass 3 or sometimes even as late as 5 am and I had work next day with only 2 hrs of sleep, and she knows I work and she doesn’t. 

 

I mean right now I don’t care if I get fired or if I even get injured etc… sure I do what I need to do but my motivation has died. 
 

I had even called off several times for her when she needed me and I rarely use my vacation or sick days. I would even call of sick just to help her when she’s sick because I wanted to take care of her.

Edited March 1, 2022 by skyliner34n

[SingFish]

You are feeling raw and emotional right now @skyliner34n but having a job is a good place to ground yourself for a while as you get over this. And you will get over it, feelings and intensity fade. 

Important to look after yourself rather than be self-destructive, you enjoyed looking after someone else now learn to treat yourself kindly. 

That's how you will develop resilience for when things go wrong or get difficult in life. 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, skyliner34n said:

late nights I would stay with her pass 3 or sometimes even as late as 5 am and I had work next day with only 2 hrs of sleep

 

4 hours ago, skyliner34n said:

I had even called off several times for her when she needed me

This is not healthy behaviour on your part. It's not loving to lose all sense of balance and perspective. It's the sign of a toxic attachment, and it's not sustainable. 

Let this be a lesson for you: don't lose yourself completely in a relationship. Don't be anyone's lap-dog. It's not attractive and won't make someone love you. Quite the contrary, it will make you look like you have no boundaries and little self-respect. It's hard to take that seriously, from the woman's perspective. 

I would strongly urge you to get some counselling. Your inability to function right now is worrying, and the sign of deeper trouble brewing. 

[skyliner34n]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

 

This is not healthy behaviour on your part. It's not loving to lose all sense of balance and perspective. It's the sign of a toxic attachment, and it's not sustainable. 

Let this be a lesson for you: don't lose yourself completely in a relationship. Don't be anyone's lap-dog. It's not attractive and won't make someone love you. Quite the contrary, it will make you look like you have no boundaries and little self-respect. It's hard to take that seriously, from the woman's perspective. 

I would strongly urge you to get some counselling. Your inability to function right now is worrying, and the sign of deeper trouble brewing. 

She would always say could you stay a little longer, or when I am at her house and she sees me sleeping she would wake me up and say are you even listening to me. 

There was this one time which I should have not done but I was helping her pack for her trip because she's a procrastinator it was  September 17th when she was flying to go see her relatives and on the 16th her knowing I have work the next day at 4 in the morning when I was about to go home shes like I wish you can stay with me so [ ]  I stayed and do you know what happened. I didn't sleep a whole darn minute that night or day and I drove her to the airport with no sleep and of course she was so grateful that I stayed that we had a session of good bye hugs and kissing for about 10 minutes at the airport and that was well worth it to me and she had facetimed me while she was there which I liked. I even picked her backup on march the 23rd and she yelled at me because I got confused by drop off and arriving yet I still stuck by her.

 

When I would like to leave she would always guilt trip me into saying oh your leaving now and then I am like no or sometimes I would say sorry but I need sleep and then she would be mad at me the next day which makes no sense because she sees im working. 

 

I even took off work on march 8th of 2021 to go get her new car and she was like I am so happy your here with me and so was I. I would have done basically anything for her .

 

Tell me how this makes any sense that she gets mad at me for stuff that makes no sense but 2 days that I said shes crazy and losing it... next minute she still hasnt contacted me yet  since the 22nd of febuary . What the freak. I just want her back even though I know she's no good for me because I still have a longing for her. 

 

I remember all the times I would stick by her when she was sick and help her out and all our romantic sessions. Like what the freak help me make sense out of anything. I just want to forget but I would still take her back if I could in a heart beat!!

 

sorry bout this long paragraph.

 

EDIT: I forgot to mention she had the ticket in advance for about 2 months yet she still didn't pack and I was there for her. I was not about to leave her in a hot mess but I guess she can forget about all the things I done.

Edited March 2, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, skyliner34n said:

Like what the freak help me make sense out of anything.

She used you like a man-servant when it suited her. 

That's what it boils down to. She doesn't love you or see you as a partner. She doesn't respect you. You were way too accommodating and need to develop some boundaries and self-worth, or people like her will continue to take advantage of you.  

 

[skyliner34n]

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She used you like a man-servant when it suited her. 

That's what it boils down to. She doesn't love you or see you as a partner. She doesn't respect you. You were way too accommodating and need to develop some boundaries and self-worth, or people like her will continue to take advantage of you.  

 

I wish I can kill this thing called feelings. It sucks being that sensitive type of person  

 

im trying to change me but it’s hard to be a person who don’t give a crap but I’m never going to be that type of person anymore that tries to give it their all for that special person I thought that was going to stick with me . I guess the saying is not true that with age comes wisdom. I’m still hurt and yes I would still take her back but it will never be the same if she comes back, because I’m literally broken.

Edited March 2, 2022 by skyliner34n

[glows]

What stands out to me is that she didn’t care about you as genuinely as you might have thought. She didn’t care whether you had enough sleep for the morning after being a work day. She didn’t have herself together enough to pack for herself the night before. She guilt tripped you and you had zero boundaries with her. This became a nonstop pattern of you giving more and more of yourself and down a destructive path. 

Everyone has feelings. Not everyone responds to them in destructive ways. You are still in that destructive state, the same state you were in with her. Let go and please change this.

What you’re doing now, do the opposite. It’s a struggle but get through it. Stay focused and don’t miss work. Are you eating well and sleeping? Shift your thoughts to improvement in those areas.

You’re blaming her for a lot of issues that happened but ultimately you are the one who allowed this to happen. We all make mistakes but change the way you’re doing things now so that you’re not vulnerable or open to situations that bring stress and confusion into your life. 

You’ve also mentioned a few posts up that her age made you believe it might be a more fulfilling relationship. I’d like to take you back to what you said in your first post that this isn’t a relationship. You broke up and remained friends with an ex saying you wanted her around you. She doesn’t owe you anything in terms of a relationship. It wasn’t a relationship when she “left”. It was a friends situation that you tried to make work with an ex. It’s twice as hard now because you’re also realizing and dealing with a break up that you didn’t deal with properly or have boundaries for the first time around. 

Edited March 2, 2022 by glows

[SingFish]

1 hour ago, skyliner34n said:

it’s hard to be a person who don’t give a crap

There's a whole space between 'giving your all' thanklessly and not caring. 

It's fine to vent for a bit and get it out of your system, just don't hold on to any resentment or bitterness. That will hurt you in the long run. 

If it helps we've pretty much all had failed relationships one time or another, and it always hurts and sucks at the time, but it fades. 

There's a book "The Highly Sensitive Person' Elaine Aron, and a website, for coping with being HSP ( highly sensitive person ) which may help.

Edited March 2, 2022 by SingFish
missed a word

[Wiseman2]

On 2/28/2022 at 6:42 PM, skyliner34n said:

She was my friend, then we dated, then we became friends again. I called her crazy because we were arguing.

Like I would sleep 4 hrs and cant sleep anymore. Its like my mind is going insane. I really feel like I wanna die. How can I make this pain stop

How did you meet? Do you work together? How long were you dating?

It seems you were incompatible and at different life stages if she is estate planning and this is your first relationship.

Make an appt with your physician. Discuss the insomnia, suicidal ideation, "feeling like going insane" and other symptoms.

Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Your complaints indicate that some medical intervention could help you.

Edited March 2, 2022 by Wiseman2

[skyliner34n]

1 hour ago, glows said:

What stands out to me is that she didn’t care about you as genuinely as you might have thought. She didn’t care whether you had enough sleep for the morning after being a work day. She didn’t have herself together enough to pack for herself the night before. She guilt tripped you and you had zero boundaries with her. This became a nonstop pattern of you giving more and more of yourself and down a destructive path. 

Everyone has feelings. Not everyone responds to them in destructive ways. You are still in that destructive state, the same state you were in with her. Let go and please change this.

What you’re doing now, do the opposite. It’s a struggle but get through it. Stay focused and don’t miss work. Are you eating well and sleeping? Shift your thoughts to improvement in those areas.

You’re blaming her for a lot of issues that happened but ultimately you are the one who allowed this to happen. We all make mistakes but change the way you’re doing things now so that you’re not vulnerable or open to situations that bring stress and confusion into your life. 

You’ve also mentioned a few posts up that her age made you believe it might be a more fulfilling relationship. I’d like to take you back to what you said in your first post that this isn’t a relationship. You broke up and remained friends with an ex saying you wanted her around you. She doesn’t owe you anything in terms of a relationship. It wasn’t a relationship when she “left”. It was a friends situation that you tried to make work with an ex. It’s twice as hard now because you’re also realizing and dealing with a break up that you didn’t deal with properly or have boundaries for the first time around. 

We were in a relationship during that time. Friendship began around September of 2021and I know that most of it is my fault. I would not have expected her to run away from me calling her a name. 

[skyliner34n]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How did you meet? Do you work together? How long were you dating?

It seems you were incompatible and at different life stages if she is estate planning and this is your first relationship.

Make an appt with your physician. Discuss the insomnia, suicidal ideation, "feeling like going insane" and other symptoms.

Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Your complaints indicate that some medical intervention could help you.

Weird thing was she was my client. We were dating for almost 2 yrs and I had known her for 2 yrs prior to that. She even put me as emergency contact when we had went to the ER and I didn’t even tell her to do that and when the nurse asked who I am she told them I was her bf.

[glows]

1 hour ago, skyliner34n said:

We were in a relationship during that time. Friendship began around September of 2021and I know that most of it is my fault. I would not have expected her to run away from me calling her a name. 

Then try to up your standards when it comes to friendships and relationships. Develop healthy boundaries most of all once a relationship ends. Change everything that you’re doing and put more effort into taking care of yourself.