Crush on very good-looking and popular guy in school

[Katie02]

My college went back to normal studies a couple weeks ago, and I have had a crush on a guy in my class for a while now.
The problem is that is extremely gorgeous (he is the perfect example of a "tall, dark and handsome" adonis), so a lot of other girls show quite aggressive interest in him.
I have seen him get approached and asked on date by girls who don't know him at all, and they often give him noticeable lustful looks and give him cheesy compliments and things like that, so he is really really used to girls being very interested in him.
How should I do to show interest in a guy like him?
I have made a few attempts to make eye contact with him, but I start to feel shy really quickly when I try that.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Katie02 said:

How should I do to show interest in a guy like him?
I have made a few attempts to make eye contact with him, but I start to feel shy really quickly when I try that.

Act very casual. Talk about classes and things in common. Don't hang around like the others who are acting like groupies.

You don't have to show interest. If you act casual and friendly and get to know him, if he's interested, he'll ask you out.

In the meantime, date other guys. It's ok to have a crush but try not to stare.

[Katie02]

23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Act very casual. Talk about classes and things in common. Don't hang around like the others who are acting like groupies.

You don't have to show interest. If you act casual and friendly and get to know him, if he's interested, he'll ask you out.

In the meantime, date other guys. It's ok to have a crush but try not to stare.

Thanks, I will try that.

I do feel that I should try to avoid acting too interested, since this will probably just make me become one in the bunch among those other girls.

I am not quite sure how he responds to those girls;
he seems to flirt back a bit, but I am not sure if he is the kind of guy who sleeps with any cute girl who shows interest in him, or if he is more picky.
But I will try to start a few innocent conversations with him - I guess he will be able to tell from my body language at that moment that I am interrested in him.

Edited March 1, 2022 by Katie02

[basil67]

All the other girls seek him out for the same reason you've described: because he's a 'tall, dark, handsome adonis.  It's the female equivalent of men wanting a woman due to nothing more than her hair, lips, boobs and booty.  

You need to find a better connection point than the super shallow.  What else does he have to offer and what makes you an attractive proposition?

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Katie02 said:

 I will try to start a few innocent conversations with him - I guess he will be able to tell from my body language at that moment that I am interrested in him.

Date other boys. It's that simple. Be friendly and approachable to all your fellow classmates.

If he is interested in you, he'll ask you out. It has nothing to do with his popularity or looks.

You don't have to throw yourself at anyone with whatever "body language" you're hoping gets his attention.

If a guy is interested in you they'll seek you out and ask you out.

The best approach for you is to date other boys.

[stillafool]

He's probably had girls throwing themselves at him since he was in grade school so he's used to it.  He probably already has a gf who goes to another school.  I agree if he's interested he will ask you out.  Don't chase him and date other guys.

[Johnjohnson2017]

What are you looking for exactly? Are you looking for a friends with benefit situation? or are you looking for a long term relationship?

If you are looking for a long term relationship. he's not the right guy for you. he will get hit on very often and it will make you jealous and you won't be able to trust him. It will cause too much emotional drama/pain to you. 

If you are only looking for FWB situation, go for it. Although that also has some drawbacks too. 

[Katie02]

3 hours ago, Johnjohnson2017 said:

What are you looking for exactly? Are you looking for a friends with benefit situation? or are you looking for a long term relationship?

If you are looking for a long term relationship. he's not the right guy for you. he will get hit on very often and it will make you jealous and you won't be able to trust him. It will cause too much emotional drama/pain to you. 

If you are only looking for FWB situation, go for it. Although that also has some drawbacks too. 

I guess it is primarily a FWB situation right now, although I am also certainly open for a relationship as well, if things develop like that.

But yes, at the moment it is a FWB situation.

I was thinking of asking him if he wants to watch a movie together or something like that, but I feel like I might rush things too much if I ask him that.

Edited March 1, 2022 by Katie02

[stillafool]

48 minutes ago, Katie02 said:

But yes, at the moment it is a FWB situation.

So basically you're just looking to have sex with a good looking guy and this one is it?

[Katie02]

18 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So basically you're just looking to have sex with a good looking guy and this one is it?

I guess it is a bit like that right now, but I don't really know him yet, so I have mostly noticed his looks and how he seems to act around people.
But I have got really positive impressions of him in both those things, so a FWB situation would be one great option, even though I am also very open for a possible relationship with him, if things develop in that way.

Edited March 1, 2022 by Katie02

[introverted1]

College has clearly changed quite a bit since I went. Used to be that if a girl wanted NSA sex with a guy, she only had to offer it up and it was a done deal.  Unless she was really terrible looking.

[Katie02]

12 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

College has clearly changed quite a bit since I went. Used to be that if a girl wanted NSA sex with a guy, she only had to offer it up and it was a done deal.  Unless she was really terrible looking.

I have been thinking about an approach like that, however I want to try to keep it at a balance where it is both clear to him that I am ready for a FWB situation, but at the same time seem like someone who is willing to have a relationship with him if things turn out that way.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Katie02 said:

I have been thinking about an approach like that, however I want to try to keep it at a balance where it is both clear to him that I am ready for a FWB situation, but at the same time seem like someone who is willing to have a relationship with him if things turn out that way.

I hate to tell you but if you do accept such an arrangement with this guy you are going to end up hurt.  With sex involved your feelings for him will grow stronger and you will become attached to him.  He will probably be happy with the sex but will chose someone else for a relationship or is already in one.  You will end up hurt.  Be honest is offering a FWB relationshipto him a ploy to try to make him your bf?  If so, don't because too many women have failed at that plan.  Don't get me wrong there are those who have made a go of it after being FWBs but that's not usually the norm.

[Katie02]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I hate to tell you but if you do accept such an arrangement with this guy you are going to end up hurt.  With sex involved your feelings for him will grow stronger and you will become attached to him.  He will probably be happy with the sex but will chose someone else for a relationship or is already in one.  You will end up hurt.  Be honest is offering a FWB relationshipto him a ploy to try to make him your bf?  If so, don't because too many women have failed at that plan.  Don't get me wrong there are those who have made a go of it after being FWBs but that's not usually the norm.

Yes, that is a bit frustrating.
I feel like there is a very big risk that he will dump me for another girl very quickly.

[SumGuy]

2 hours ago, Katie02 said:

I have been thinking about an approach like that, however I want to try to keep it at a balance where it is both clear to him that I am ready for a FWB situation, but at the same time seem like someone who is willing to have a relationship with him if things turn out that way.

He may well be looking for something more than sex, just will you be the person who see him and not just his pretty face.  As he can get sex whenever he wants most likely, have you thought of getting to know him and see if you an he connect?   Not that you need to deny that you think he is hot but at some point hot people usually want more, of course college may not be that point.

Also what do you want?  If you are good with just sex, then why not.   I'm pretty sure he will think if he wants more you are up for that as well without you saying anything, really all depends on how you get along outside of bed.

Just don't do things you don't want to or sacrifice yourself just to get with a hot person.  At least from my view, the best in bed or otherwise have not been the "hottest" as in how the look in public.  I'm a guy though so things may be different.  

[Katie02]

26 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

He may well be looking for something more than sex, just will you be the person who see him and not just his pretty face.  As he can get sex whenever he wants most likely, have you thought of getting to know him and see if you an he connect?   Not that you need to deny that you think he is hot but at some point hot people usually want more, of course college may not be that point.

Also what do you want?  If you are good with just sex, then why not.   I'm pretty sure he will think if he wants more you are up for that as well without you saying anything, really all depends on how you get along outside of bed.

Just don't do things you don't want to or sacrifice yourself just to get with a hot person.  At least from my view, the best in bed or otherwise have not been the "hottest" as in how the look in public.  I'm a guy though so things may be different.  

My impression so far is that he doesn't seem to approach any girls, but still seem to become friends with girls who approach him.
I am not sure if this is what has happened, but I vaguely remember a few situations where different girls seem to have started flirty conversations with him for the first time and then had more flirty conversations with him later, and where he has responded very positively to that.

Personally I am a bit worried that I will appear really nervous around him if I approach him, like a lot of shy giggling and blushing and all of that, but maybe he won't have any problem with that.

Edited March 1, 2022 by Katie02

[S2B]

Every guy likes his ego stroked.

just ask him out…he can either say yes or no.

if you are interested - best to approach with what you have in mind. 

[Katie02]

10 minutes ago, S2B said:

Every guy likes his ego stroked.

just ask him out…he can either say yes or no.

if you are interested - best to approach with what you have in mind. 

I feel that my goal at the moment is to get him on some form of date where it is easy to become more intimate in a natural way, and which might also end with some kissing.
That would be a great start, for sure. ^-^

[dramafreezone]

4 hours ago, introverted1 said:

College has clearly changed quite a bit since I went. Used to be that if a girl wanted NSA sex with a guy, she only had to offer it up and it was a done deal.  Unless she was really terrible looking.

That's still the case with most guys, but this doesn't sound like any normal guy.  If he's this popular NSA sex isn't going to appeal as much to him, it's readily available for a few lucky guys like him.

1 hour ago, Katie02 said:

I feel that my goal at the moment is to get him on some form of date where it is easy to become more intimate in a natural way, and which might also end with some kissing.
That would be a great start, for sure. ^-^

There's no trick or special strategy to this.  If you want the date you're going to put yourself in his orbit and make it very clear that you're interested in going out.  He either likes what he sees or he doesn't.  One good saying is "you don't play hard to get with someone who's hard to get."

Also, guys that are very popular with women are frequently (but not always) averse to exclusive relationships, so don't set yourself up for disappointment wanting him to be something he's not.

Edited March 2, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Katie02]

21 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

That's still the case with most guys, but this doesn't sound like any normal guy.  If he's this popular NSA sex isn't going to appeal as much to him, it's readily available for a few lucky guys like him.

There's no trick or special strategy to this.  If you want the date you're going to put yourself in his orbit and make it very clear that you're interested in going out.  He either likes you or he doesn't.  One good saying is "you don't play hard to get with someone who's hard to get."

Yes, I should give it a try tomorrow. ^-^

I have made a few attempts to make eye contact with him, and just look at him in general, and he has seemed to looked flattered when he has caught me doing that;
sort of like a subtle kind smile for a brief moment.
I am not sure if he has noticed that I am interested in him though, but maybe I have acted in ways that has indicated that, other than looking at him.

Edited March 2, 2022 by Katie02

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Katie02 said:

I have made a few attempts to make eye contact with him, and just look at him in general, and he has seemed to looked flattered when he has caught me doing that;
sort of like a subtle kind smile for a brief moment

I am not sure if he has noticed that I am interested in him though, but maybe I have acted in ways that has indicated that, other than looking at him.

I'm trying to word this kindly, but why would he be flattered that you made eye contact with him?   People look at each other all the time and it doesn't mean anything.  And that half smile in response is basically a standard response for when a random person makes eye contact.   Think about when a random person  makes eye contact with you....how do you respond?  Most likely, you respond with an awkward half smile.  

 If you want this, you need to put yourself out there, establish a conversation and flirt with him.   @dramafreezone is right on the money when he said "you don't play hard to get with someone who's hard to get."

Lastly, people who are hot get hit on All.The.Time. You likely have a lot of competition out there, and likely from girls who are quite comfortable in being assertive.  Can you up the ante so that you'll stand out from the crowd?   And how will you pitch yourself as being up for FWB but also being girlfriend material?    And if you are FWB can you handle being nothing more than casual sex with him? 

Edited March 2, 2022 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Katie02 said:

 there is a very big risk that he will dump me.

At this point you haven't even spoken to him, so try not to stress about Imagined scenarios.

Date boys who are interested in you and want what you want. 

FWB may seem like a cool arrangement, but it's also not what you really want. 

It's ok to have a crush. However being a groupie and throwing yourself at boys gets around. Not a pretty picture.

Spare yourself a lot of headaches and heartaches. Date boys who like you.

[stillafool]

13 hours ago, Katie02 said:

and he has seemed to looked flattered when he has caught me doing that;
sort of like a subtle kind smile for a brief moment.

Thing is, he gets these stares all day long from girls so he was just acknowledging the fact that you think he's good looking too.  I think you'd have more luck just ignoring his presence and never giving him eye contact.  At least you'd stand out from the crowd and call his attention to you.  People sometimes want what they can't have.

[Katie02]

I tried approaching him today, and I am starting to feel hopeful that he might be a bit interested in me. ^-^
I said hi to him right after a math lecture, and we ended up talking about that course for a few minutes, and I said at one moment that it was a pretty hard course, in a lighthearted way with a bit of a laugh.
And he suggested that we could work with it together on Friday, and offered to help me with the things that I found difficult, and I of course thanked him for that, and then we had a moment when we stood close to each other (probably about 7-8 inches away) and just held eye contact with each other for probably at least 15-20 seconds (thats sort of what it felt like), and smiled to each other a bit.
I had to leave for another lecture right after that, but I found myself looking over my shoulder at him when I left, and he continued to gaze at me with a smile until I had left.

I hope that it means something that he himself suggested that we could work together, and I did feel like we got a very intimate connection there.
Or am I getting my hopes up too quickly?
I hope not.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Katie02 said:

I said hi to him right after a math lecture, and we ended up talking about that course for a few minutes, and I said at one moment that it was a pretty hard course. he suggested that we could work with it together on Friday, and offered to help me with the things that I found difficult.

Excellent, follow up on the study/practice and help.